Page 71 of Muted

“I’m going to tell you something, and I don’t want you to worry that I’m upset about it.” Her hand begins to tremble, and I attempt to soothe her by running my thumb across her wrist. “You know I did a background check. It wasn’t very in-depth, but I obviously know you didn’t go to school here. I also know that you didn’t graduate, even though you said you had a degree in finance. What I don’t know iswhyyou lied about it. So, I did some digging.”

It’s barely noticeable, but I hear the way her breathing picks up as she stares forward, waiting for me to continue.

“I know where you’re from and I called the police station there to ask about you.” The way she jerks in my hold to stare at me tells me that maybe this was too much to admit right now, but I’m already into it this far. “Don’t panic. I don’t know everything, but I know enough to understand that you’re running from something. I don’t care that you lied, but just soyouknow, I asked around because I briefly got worried since you’re working with our financials. You understand, right?”

Some of the frustration and jealousy melts away when I notice the ways she’s looking at me, eyes watery and begging me to either stop admitting what I’ve done or just stop speaking. Lifting her arm, I tug her closer and rest our joined hands against my chest.

“I don’tcarethat you lied. What I care about is that you’re afraid of something and I don’t fucking know what it is.” Not wanting to continue while I’m driving, I flip my turn signal on and guide us into an empty parking lot, then shove the vehicle into park.

“I want to know what you’re running from,” I tell her, my eyes roaming over her face as she breaks in front of me.

When she squeezes my hand twice, I narrow my eyes. “You won’t tell me? Why? Do you not trust me?”

I immediately regret asking when she grips my hand hard, but only once. There’s a desperation there for me to understand that shedoestrust me, but she can’t tell me.

There’s no reason for me to get angry, but I do. Maybe it’s because I’m thirty-five years old while she’s barely been an adult for a few years, and she thinks I can’t handle knowing. I know I’m making assumptions, but if she won’t fuckingtalk, how the hell am I supposed to know?

“I want to help you. You trust me, but you won’t tell me what you’re running from?” This time, instead of the hand thing, she nods quickly to agree with what I’ve asked. “That’s fucking bullshit,” I snap out.

I’m angry because I feel helpless. What’s the point of keeping secrets when someone is offering to be there? Even if she’s hooking up with my best friend, that doesn’t mean I don’t care. Susu is so closed off; I want some kind of reaction from her. I want to knowmore.

I chew on the inside of my cheek, debating if I should tell her what I saw today. Theo already knows, so it’s only a matter of time before he tells her.

“I saw you,” I admit, changing the subject for the moment. She doesn’t seem to know what I’m referring to, so I continue. “I saw the two of you. Are you dating him?”

This time, I’m not prepared when she fights the hold I have on her and yanks her hand free of mine. Bending forward, I watch as she digs through her bag and sits back with her phone in hand. Typing furiously, she shoves her phone toward me when she finishes.

‘I need you to stop looking into my past. I’m sorry for lying, but I have my reasons. And who are you talking about?’

Although our conversation was heavy, I pause, confused by her question. Meeting her eyes, I ask, “What do you mean, ‘who am I talking about’? Is there more than one guy you’re involved with?”

She blushes as she plucks her phone and types out another response. Holding it up for me to read, I’m even more confused.

‘Maybe?’

“Well, I was talking about Theo. In the hallway this afternoon. I saw the two of you. Who the hell else did you think I could be talking about?” This time, I’m pissed on Theo’s behalf. Is this girl playing him?

She’s slower to type and can’t meet my eyes when she holds her phone toward me once more.

‘I thought maybe you were talking about Vance.’

“You’re dating two men that work for me? What the hell, Susu?” I yell out, then soften my voice when she flinches. “Sorry, I’m not really mad. Just… Jesus, woman.Areyou dating one, or both of them?”

‘Not that it’s your business, but no. I’m not dating either of them.’

I grit my teeth as I read.How the hell did I miss what’s been between her and Vance?Hewasholding her hand the other day after Theo and I royally pissed her off, but I figured it was more of a friendship or companionship thing. I’ve never seen Vance interested in a woman for more than one night. He’s not what I would have ever considered as ‘boyfriend’ material.

“Sorry for being crass, but you face-fucked Theo for like ten minutes. How the hell are you not dating him? And what about Vance? Does he know you’re fucking around on him?” I’m being rude, but right now, I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to think.

Knowing Theo for as long as I have, it’s obvious to me he’s invested. It doesn’t matter that she’s practically a baby compared to him. I won’t stand back and watch her play him.

Her lip is curled in disgust when she hands the phone back and sits back with her arms crossed, glaring at the empty lot while I read.

‘Have you dated every single woman you made out with? No? Didn’t think so. Stop treating me like I’m playing with their emotions. Who says I’m only allowed to be interested in one person at a time? If something moves forward, then that’s a conversation I’ll have with THEM. Today was the first fucking time anything has happened between Theo and I, so you’re WELCOME for being witness to that private moment. Now please, take me home if you’re finished questioning me about every personal thing you can think of.’

I read through it a few times, trying to understand what she’s getting at. There’s still an uneasy feeling because as jealous as I am over Theo essentially ‘getting the girl’, I do want him to be happy. But also, she’s not wrong.

Memories of parties where I made out with college students on the weekends flash in my head, and I can admit thatonekiss doesn’t mean you’re promising anything.

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