Page 51 of Muted

Me: Badly?

Susu: Yes.

With every yes she types, my vision fades in peripheral and all I can see are those three letters.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

She’s twenty-fucking-three years old. I’m aware that it’s not unheard of for someone to get caught in a situation they weren’t expecting or prepared for, but I’m livid thatshedid.

Me: Do you want to talk about it?

Susu: It’s in the past, I’d love for it to stay there.

Me: What about the rest of it? That’s not from experience, then?

Susu: What’s the part you’re asking about specifically?

Me: The sexual undertones.

This really isn’t any of my business, but she’s already shared things with me. Besides, I enjoy pushing her. In person, Susu is reserved, shy, timid. Almost to the point that it’s debilitating for her to interact with people.

I was watching her work with Vance at the piano, because whenever she’s in there, I can’t stop myself. I didn’t hear her voice when she spoke to him, but my stomach flipped when I saw her lips move. Jealously began to soar over the fact she gave her words to Vance, but his reaction was so comical that it immediately faded away.

Susu: If you’re asking if I’m a virgin, the answer is no. But I don’t have to experience everything to know how something could feel.

Me: Maybe not, but it would certainly give you a leg up. But who am I to say that because this reads like you know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s beautiful, dark, and sexual, if I’m being honest.

Susu: I’d prefer honesty, and thank you.

I like the honesty in her answers. She doesn’t play games with me or allude to hidden meanings behind her words. Her texts are direct, abrasive at times, but always truthful.

Me: What parts are past and what parts are your imagination?

Susu: Well… like I said, the emotions I’ve felt. I’ve also had sex. The rest was in my head.

Me: The dominance.

Her answer takes a while to come through this time. Susu Walston is intriguing me more and more with each conversation we have. It also feels like it’s something that’s just for me. Thatshe’sgifting only to me. I want to question why, but I’m not going to. I don’t want to come across as if I’m looking for compliments. It doesn’t minimize my curiosity, though.

Finally, she answers.

Susu: Yes.

Me: But you’ve done research?

Susu: LOL… not really. It’s not hard to imagine, my friend.

I actually snort out a laugh at her use of ‘friend’.We’ll see about that,friend.

Me: “Friend”… Tell me then, FRIEND… Is he the one you’re hiding from?

Susu: No, and this isn’t about him anyway. I just wrote about the feelings I remembered, but this one isn’t about him specifically.

Me: Who’s it about, then?

Susu: Does it have to be about someone? Why can’t it just be about the idea of someone?

Me: Fair point… So, that’s what you’re into, then?

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