Page 36 of Muted

“I’m sorry. Would you repeat what you just said? I was momentarily distracted.” I wasn’t distracted, I was disconnected. Same thing but a big difference behind the reasons.

She sighs loudly again. “I should probably let you go, anyway. Your father keeps scowling at his phone, and I’m concerned he’s going to work himself toward a heart attack if he keeps reading the market outlook for tomorrow. Bye, darling.”

Silence.

My mother didn’t wait for me to say goodbye. She never does. When she’s done speaking for the night, that’s it. I drop my phone next to me and continue to stare at the spot on the wall. When it first happened, I had considered hiring someone to come fill it in and paint over it, but I opted not to do it. I like the imperfection.

It’s a sign that I was here and existed in this place. It’s a change to the structure of the building that I created.Would my parents still love me if I changed? Or had an imperfection?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Standing up from my bed, I strip off my clothes and toss them into the hamper just inside my bathroom door. The pounding rush of water hitting the shower floor booms through the room, reminding that my home is entirely too quiet.

Isolated.

Chapter 10

Quietness

Susu

There’s a mark on my wall. How the hell have I never noticed it before?

It’s like something slammed into it, cutting through the sheetrock, and instead of repairing it, they just painted over it.

My sleep was shit and I’m sitting on the edge of my bed just staring at that spot on the wall. The imperfection is taunting me, asking me to do something about it. Instead, I stick my tongue out and decide that it’s the flaws that make us perfect. Unique.

“Susanna?”

My gaze jerks toward the door when I hear Miriam call to me, followed by a couple of knocks. I force myself off the bed to answer the door. Cracking it open, I give her a half smile. I feel terrible because I know I make her uncomfortable when she feels like she needs to speak to me. Opening up to her would be helpful, but we haven’t spent any significant time together, so I’m just not ready yet.

Miriam coughs into her hand, then says, “I’m changing to third shift at work. So, I won’t be home until the mornings, for the most part. Obviously, I’ll have some days off, but I just wanted you to know that you’ll be home alone after work.”

I nod, not sure why she’s telling me. We don’t really spend any time together to begin with, but I suppose it’s a polite roommate thing to do. I wait because she doesn’t seem like she’s done.

“I, umm… I thought you should know because you’ll be here all night by yourself.” She’s hesitant and looks awkwardly away from me, then mumbles, “I’ve heard you a few times since that first nightmare. Are… are you still having them? The nightmares?”

Swallowing, I nod again, this time more slowly. They haven’t been as bad as that first one when she woke me, so I’m surprised that she’s known about the rest.

When she looks at me again, her face is filled with concern. “Will you be alright alone?”

My fingers holding the door close around the edge tighter. The only answer Icangive her is yes. Yes, I’ll be alright alone. There are no alternatives here. I can’t control what my mind does when I’m asleep, and I’m certain that it wouldn’t matter if someone was with me or not. The nightmares never stop.

When I give her a smile, her shoulders relax in relief. “Okay. Well, let me know if it becomes a problem. Maybe we can try to figure out another option or something. I’m going to go back to bed and sleep more before my shift tonight. Have a good day, and sorry if I woke you.”

I give her a little wave and then wait until she walks down the hall, back into her bedroom. As her door snicks shut, I push mine closed and then lean against it. Without thinking further about her conversation with me, I gather my things and hop into the shower.

Standing in front of the mirror once I’m out, I lean close to put in my colored contacts, covering the brightness of the natural green I was born with, with the amber ones I ordered online.

I freeze when I realize I answered the door when Miriam knocked without them in.Shit.Fuck!I quickly rationalize what it means before I’m able to calm myself down. It was somewhat dark in the hallway, and she wasn’t really looking at me when she spoke. Plus, what’s she going to do? She doesn’t know where I came from and I doubt anyone will hear that a girl with green eyes is wearing different colored contacts and immediately think, “Oh, thatmustbe Susanna Walston.”

I shake my head at myself and finish getting ready, then quietly exit our apartment to wait for my ride.

Briefly, I consider texting Chester to let him know I can take the bus since I have extra time, but I don’t. I’m actually looking forward to the ride in with him. I sit on the front steps to wait the twenty minutes before he arrives, breathing in the morning air. There’s a hint of rain teasing my senses, unsurprising, and I check my bag to verify I have my umbrella.

At 9 a.m. on the dot, Chester’s car glides up to the curb. As I approach, he leans over the passenger seat to push it open for me, and I hold back a smirk. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the gesture, it’s that it seems like so much more work to do it that way rather than just let me pull the handle myself. It’s an unnecessary chivalry for just a coworker.

---