Page 121 of Muted

There’s a bottle of grease he always used on squeaky doors under the sink, so I drop to my knees and move bottles around until I find it. Maybe it’s silly, but it makes me feel better to do this for him. It’s my fault that he isn’t here to fix it up, and he wouldneverhave let it get that bad.

Once I’m done, I lock the door from the inside and look around the kitchen. My inhale is slow and deep, and a sense of comfort warms me.

I’m home. Even if for only one night.

Without turning on the lights, I tiptoe up the stairs to my bedroom and smile when I open the door to my bedroom, seeing that everything has been left undisturbed, as if I never moved away.

Sure, there are a few missing photos which I took with me, but my few books, stuffed animals, and notebooks are all here. Falling face first into the pillows, I immediately sneeze when a fine layer of dust shoots up my nose.

Coughing, I sit up and whack them over the floor and flip them over so I can lay my head back on the clean side. I blink up at the ceiling, noting the few spots of peeling paint and smile a sad smile.

My eyes fill with tears when I hear nothing but the faint noises from outside. Aunt Elaine and Uncle Ronnie aren’t here and my heart fucking hurts. I fucking did this to them. I drove them from their home.

Another wave of guilt stabs me when I think of the guys. I’m devastated by how Chester spoke to me, but it was inevitable. I wish he would have given me a moment to explain what happened, but with how furious and betrayed he was, I—

Pinching my eyes shut, I do my best to hold back the tears at the memory of the way he shut me down. The trauma of never being heard sears through my muscles and I run a hand down my throat to ease the pain away. It’s tight and aching, and my guilt does nothing to ease it.

Vance seemed so confused and tortured when he walked in, catching the altercation between Cliff, Chester, and me. He probably thinks I’m nothing but a scam artist and I’m glad I don’t have to face him right now.

Then, Theo’s angry voice shouting for me, chasing me through the streets as I fled from Chester’s fury and the threat that Cliff posed not only to me, but to them. He’ll never understand why I hid from them.

The moment I turned the corner, I found a small set of stairs that led to a basement door and hid from him as he ran by. It broke me to ignore his calls, but I knew if I answered, I’d tell him where I was going. He needs to stay with Chester to help him deal with the fallout of the deception that Cliff and I inflicted on not only Chester, but the business.

I should have said something. I shouldn’t have stayed silent. That’s on me.

Touching my cheeks, I realize tears are flowing and all I want is to hear my aunt’s voice. My phone is in my bag, so I reach over and fish through it until I find the prepaid cell and turn it on.

I can’t bear to read all the missed texts that begin to show up from Theo, along with the calls that went unanswered. Going into my contacts, I call the only family I have who I know will always be there for me.

It rings only once before Aunt Elaine’s voice pierces my ear, filled with worry and fear.

“Susanna! My God, where are you?”

I choke on a sob and bite my lip when I hear Uncle Ronnie immediately after her. “Sweetheart. Are you alright?”

“I just wanted to go home,” I cry to my Aunt Elaine. “I know I shouldn’t have, but I miss you both so much and I didn’t know what to do.”

I’ve been crying on and off since I got on the bus back to my hometown, knowing it was an idiotic thing for me to do. I just needed that sense of peace before I close my eyes and pick a new place to disappear in.

“Oh, sweet girl,” Aunt Elaine’s voice cries out. I can hear the tears threatening to overwhelm her, but she fights through them. “Your, umm, your friends called us. And your roommate. They said you got mixed up in some trouble at work and one of the employees there… Are you okay? Are you safe?”

Blinking quickly to clear the tears, I realize it’s futile as I only clear a way for new ones to emerge. “They called you?” I choke out, not wanting to explain how badly I messed up.

“They did,” Uncle Ronnie tells me. “One of them is here, actually. Vance Stoll? They’re all looking for you. He came here to get us. One of the other men—” His voice breaks on men before he continues. “Is on his way to you. Your roommate and Theodore, I believe, are both waiting at the apartment to see if you’ll return.”

“I can’t go back,” I whisper, ashamed to admit everything I’ve fucked up. “Please, don’t tell them I’m here. There’s another man there, Clifford. He found out about my… my…”

Unable to finish, I cry again and turn my face away from the phone and bury it into the pillow.

“They want to help you, darling,” Aunt Elaine tells me brokenly.

“No! He’ll hurt them! Just like he said he’ll hurt the two of you! I can’t bear it. I can’t do that to any of them. I lo—”

Aunt Elaine sucks in a loud gasp of air, and I know she knows exactly what I was going to say. Shaking my head at the situation I’ve found myself in, I continue to explain.

“Clifford, he knows everything. I would bet my life that he’s told my grandfather where I’ve been. Hepromisedwhat would happen to everyone I care about if he ever found me again. I’m begging you.Don’ttell them. I won’t ask anything else of you.”

“W-We won’t say anything if you ask us not to. But honey, they are beside themselves with worry. They care a great deal about you.” Aunt Elaine is breaking my heart right now.

---