Page 13 of Muted

“Was it a nightmare?”

I nod once and lean against my headboard, setting my phone next to me. I bite my lip because I’m tempted to tell her, but I just can’t make myself share what it was about. Not abouthim.

“But… ummm… you were screaming. I thought… I thought you couldn’t speak?” She seems uncomfortable asking and I know I owe her an explanation.

I finger my cell once more, then pick it up and type out a message.

‘I’m sorry if I worried you. I have difficulty speaking with people. It’s an anxiety issue rather than me being incapable of talking. I should have explained that when I moved in. I don’t have control of what happens when I sleep, but it shouldn’t happen again. I’m really sorry, Miriam.’

Handing over my phone, she skims my message as her brows furrow deeper. She reads it twice before handing my phone back to me.

“I won’t pretend that I understand, but I’m here if you need to share. You scared me.” She studies me, waiting for some sort of response. I’m not ready to share the shit show of my past, and I’m certainly not feeling like I can actually talk to her, especially just after that dream.

I give her a forced smile and a quick nod. Then, grabbing my phone, I type a quick response.

‘Thank you, Miriam. I’m sorry for scaring you.’

She blows out a noisy exhale and then tugs her robe tighter around her body as she stands up. “I’m going to try to get some more sleep.”

I watch as she leaves my room, pulling the door shut behind her. The moment I hear the door click shut, I groan and flop back on my bed. “Fuck,” I whisper to myself, scrubbing my hands over my face.

These dreams need to go the fuck away. I’m already having to facehimin real life. I don’t need to be tortured while asleep as well. It’s moments like these where I’m still tired and want to go back to sleep, where the memories assault me. Visions of my classmates cornering me in darkened hallways to jump me, random strangers…adultseven, making comments of how I’m nothing but trash as I passed them by on the street, and then there’s my father’s family.

Shivering, I wrench my eyes open to stare at my popcorn ceiling. The shadows of the early sun rising hides some of the tiny mountains decorating every inch. I need it to stop. I need my memories to stay buried in the back of my head so I can continue moving on.

Counting the shadows for a few minutes, I let my mind stop roiling until I’m able to take an easier breath. The tightness in my throat relaxes enough that I can swallow without feeling like I’m going to pull muscles.

I grab my phone and sit up, throwing my feet over the edge of my bed to dangle above the floor. I reread my texts with Aunt Elaine and smile to myself. No matter how many terrible people reside in my hometown, Aunt Elaine and Uncle Ronnie have never been likethem. They opened their arms and home to me when my mom left me alone in our trailer.

Being so young, I have only flickers of pictures from that time, but I remember the day I was discovered and the police officer who held me. There’s no way he still remembers me, but I know everything about him. Lieutenant Kevin Cooper. Soon to be Chief. Maybe if he was the one I had spoken to the few times I went to the station for help, I wouldn’t be here. My aunt and uncle wouldn’t be running as well, hiding in Florida. They could have helped us.

This time, when I let out a groan, I hear the defeat in my voice. Fuck going back to sleep. It’s early, but if I get ready now, I can get an early start at the bar and maybe play on the piano before anyone else shows up. Chester gave me a key and the security code to let myself in. I haven’t taken advantage of it yet, but today is going to be that day.

It’s not long before I’m unlocking the door to Sonority and flipping on the lights to the stage, illuminating the beautiful baby grands. I eye Vance’s piano, considering using it because then I’ll have my back to the wall. If I use Thad’s, which I know deep down I will, my back will be to the rest of the space.

Ignoring the binder of music that contains their standard set lists, I drop my bag at my feet and smile as I lift the cover and stare at the keys. Thad’s piano isn’t quite as nice as Vance’s, but it’s still better than anything I’ve played before finding myself in this place.

My fingers brush along the smooth finish before I place my hands in position to play Vance’s warmup. It was really fun to run through the first time I played with him. Well, theonlytime I played with him. So, when I get the opportunity to practice alone, I warm up with the same music. I’ve got it memorized.

Closing my eyes, I hear the introduction Vance plays and bob my head to count along with him. When my part begins, my fingers fly to play with him. The excitement from the first time is still there, even now, while I’m alone. It’s easy to picture Vance playing the first part. Watching him play is like watching someone fuck. It’s erotic and intimate, powerful even. He uses his entire body as he strikes the keys, and you can literally feel the emotion pouring off him as he seamlessly transitions from one song to the next.

Ignoring the bit of disappointment when I finish, I’m tempted to recreate the feeling again, but decide to just play for myself. I spend the next hour completely absorbed in music and pushing out all intrusive thoughts of my dream and memories. I’m so glad that I chose to come in early and do this. Playing reminds me of a quote I once read.

“Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest; heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul.”

I never did learn who said it, but it’s always been a truth in my life. The buzzing of my phone jolts me from the peaceful zone I was in, and I quickly stop to see why my aunt or uncle texted. We decided to minimize communication as much as possible for right now and no one else ever messages me.

Unlocking my screen, I’m surprised to see a message from an unknown number.

Unknown: When you’re finished out there, would you please come into the office? Cliff and I have a few questions.

My head whips over to the opposite side of the bar. I see the door is now open and Chester is sitting behind his desk, working on his computer. He must feel my eyes on him because he turns his head toward me without pulling his eyes away from his screen until the last minute.

With a chin lift, he summons me to his office.Guess I’m finished out here then.Shutting the piano, I shove my phone in my bag and grab it, then freeze when I notice the bear is sitting on his stool guarding the front door.Theo… God, he’s fucking huge.He looks like he belongs to a damn biker gang. He’s leaning back with his arms and feet crossed in front of him, just fucking staring.

He’s always staring. Always watching.

Dropping my head, I look away and hurry toward the office. His eyes are burning into my back as I flee. Just before I make it to the door, I hear his gruff voice rumble out toward me and I freeze.

---