Page 9 of Laugh

“Umm… because she’s not my mom? Dad, I’ve literally never called her that. I’m certainly not going to now.”

“Harriet!” the stepmonster snaps from the kitchen. “Honest to God, would you come in here and pull your own weight for once?”

I open my mouth to respond, instantly fucking pissed. Didn’t she just indicate to my dad that he had to give me a talking to? My dad’s hushed, “Just don’t, Haddie,” stops me.

Gritting my teeth, I walk away from him. Deborah and Amber are talking in low, conspiratorial tones, and when Amber sees me, she shakes her head like ‘shh… we’ll talk about our super awesome secrets later.’

“Deborah!” Because seriously, fuck my dad for asking me to call her mom. “How can I help?”

I swear to God, I can see the dragon breath steaming from her nostrils and it takes everything in me not to pat myself on the back. My sister is scowling at me too, so I just ignore her, keeping my eyes on the largest threat. “I need you to peel the potatoes. Then chop them and put them in the pot. We’re going to finish everything else up.”

Moving over to the island, I sit down and grab the ten-pound bag of potatoes and the peeler, getting to work without further argument. I listen to the two of them half-heartedly for a few minutes until Bamber says something that sparks my interest.

“…so hot, mom, you don’t even understand. I think we really hit it off.” I cock an eyebrow to myself. I’m pretty sure I know who she’s talking about because it hasn’t been but a week since our impromptu hang out session.

“Reeeeally. Tell me about him then!” Deborah gets excited over every aspect of my sister’s dating life.

“So, he’s gotta be at least six foot four. He’s 32, his name is Beau Hudson, and he’s the defensive coach for the college. Division one coach! Muscles out to here.” She holds her hands out, exaggerating the diameter of his arms. Deborah’s giggle, which sounds more like a cackle, sounds like nails on a chalkboard. I want to cringe, but I can admit, Bamber isn’t wrong about them being big. Those muscles are yum-my. “He’s got dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes, too.”

“Blue.”Fuck me. I opened my mouth and I’m pretty sure I heard the record scratch to a halt likewhat-whaaaaat?Looking up at the two of them, I’m tempted to hold up my peeler in defense of the attack I swear is imminent. “What? Theyare. You were sitting right next to him, Bamber.”

“How wouldyouknow? I think I’d remember since his eyes were on me for most of the night,” she hisses. Bamber and I both know she’s full of shit, and I let her know I’m on to her with my over exaggerated eye-roll.

“I ran into him this week. Aside from the fact that I was there last weekend, he was also spearing me with glares for most of our interactionsbothtimes. They’re blue.”

“Harriet, I think it’s awfully inappropriate for you to be trying to create a relationship with someone that is actively interested in your sister. Besides, a man at thirty-two is a little old for you, don’t you think?”

My sister mumbles, “No fucking kidding.”

“Umm… I’m sorry? What world are you two inhabiting? I said he was glaring at me.”

“You can’t speak to people like that, pumpkin. Rudeness is uncalled for in this house,” my dad says as he walks into the kitchen with my brother Alexander following him.

Dropping my head to the counter, I’m not ashamed to say that it’s done with a fantastic dramatic flair. “What sweet hell am I in right now?” I groan out.

“What’s going on is you crossing lines. There’s a code, Harry. You don’t go after the same guy your sister is going after!” Amber cries out, then looks at our father with crocodile tears. “Daddy, there’s a boy that I’ve been talking to and turns out,she’stalking to him behind my back!”

“I’m hardly talking to him, more like accidental run-ins,” I defend.

“What the hell is going on in here?” Matthew, the oldest of us, asks as he walks into the room. Looking up, I see Jonathon behind him. Awesome, the whole fam-damn-ily is here.

“Harriet, you need to–” Deborah starts in on me again, but I stop her.

“No. Are you all kidding me right now? I fucking said that I ran into him. I didn’t go looking for him. The guy doesn’t even like me!”

“There’s no surprise there,” Amber snaps out and my dad shoots her an ineffective ‘dad’ look.

“So, the girls are fighting over a guy? Who’s the guy?” Jonathon asks no one in particular.

Amber is quick to sway them over to her side of a fight that’s completely absurd. “One of the college’s football coaches. I met him last weekend. Our little sister here is talking to him, noticing things like his eye color when sheknowsthat I’m interested in him! Trying to tell me I’m wrong about them being hazel!”

I. Fucking. Explode. “BECAUSE HE HAS BLUE FUCKING EYES!” I drop the peeler on the counter when I feel it slice my finger.Christ, that hurt!Apparently, I was squeezing the shit out of it. “Goddamnit…” I curse, looking for a rag.

“Language! Everyone just needs to calm down. I’m sure this is all just a misunderstanding. Why don’t we sit and talk about this together?” Dad looks around dumbfounded as everyone, except for me, starts talking at once.

“I’m getting a beer.” That’s Matthew.

“Don, you can’t possibly be okay with her treating her sister like this!” Deborah snaps at him.

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