Page 2 of Laugh

“Oh, shit.” My curly haired, Tom Hanks’ lookalike best friend is staring over my shoulder toward the front of O’Reilly’s Irish Pub where the door opens to the busy downtown tonight. It’s Saturday evening and we always try to get here early enough to get a decent spot at the end of the bar to stay out of line from heavier traffic.

“What?” Taking a sip of my beer, I glance over my shoulder to see what he’s talking about, and my shoulders slump when I see my sister walk in with her Bimbo Squad. Tilting my head back, I groan at the ceiling. “Uugghhh. Fucking hide me.”

He’s laughing at my plight as he watches their progress through the crowded bar over the rim of his glass. Then he dips down behind me, using my body as a shield, and winces. “Ah damn, she saw me.”

Scowling, I drink my beer a little faster. Looks like we’re going to have to call it an early night. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. I’m not entirely certain if she loves me, but what Iamsure of is neither of us like each other. Even though we are only two years apart, she and I couldn’t be more different.

Where Amber is a tall, thin, tan, big-breasted blonde, I’m a short, petite, normal-breasted, freckle skinned red head. You could say I’m the odd man out in my family. My three older brothers and older sister all take after my father. His side of the family is Norwegian, and they all carry predominant Scandinavian traits. Straight blonde hair, blue eyes, straight noses, and clear skin free from imperfections. Amber is the only one that’s tan, but she’s spent a lot of money at tanning booths to earn her golden skin.

I, on the other hand, take after my mother’s Irish heritage. I don’t have many memories of my mom. She passed away when I was four, so I’m really the only one that doesn’t remember her. Looking at the one album we have that’s filled with pictures of her shows me she and I are practically identical.

Deborah, my stepmom, married my dad when I was seven, and she matches the rest of the family. Much better than I do at least. She’s a whole other can of worms I would rather not waste my time thinking about tonight.

I cringe when I hear her grating, high-pitched voice snap out my name, and I know that I’m about to be graced with her presence. I snort to myself when I think ‘graced’ because it’s more like I’m about to be hauled into her den of iniquity.

“Harriet.”

Turning in my seat, I face the she-witch and ready myself for the faceoff. “Bamber.”

It’s remarkable how even her scowl doesn’t create any creases in her caked-on foundation. She hisses, “Don’t fucking call me that. What are you doing here? Are you following me?”

“Sorry Bambi, my bad.” I hold up my half empty pint of beer. “To answer your question, yes. Iabsolutelyam following you. I even made it to the bar, got a beer and drank half of it during your one-minute strut through the masses, only for you to find me here. Clever of me, right?” I sip my drink and raise an eyebrow.

My eyes roll when I hear the tittering giggle of Kelsie behind her. Kelsie was in the same year as me, but she and Amber hit it off when they both cheered together. “Amber! Who are you… oh. Your sister is here.”

Leaning to the side, I look around Amber to respond. “Oh look, Bamber, your friend is here.” I smirk at the growl that I hear under her breath and can’t help but enjoy irritating them. Seriously, they’re the ones who came to me, so why should I feel bad about that?

Marcus leans in behind me to whisper, “The other one is here, too.”

I hold the groan in this time when I see who he’s talking about. Kandii with two i’s has got her tits hanging on the bar, trying to wave down one of the bartenders. All of these girls are terrible on their own, but you get them together and they’re an absolute nightmare. Especially when they set their minds to let me know I’m a plebeian compared to their royal cheer status.

“Save me now,” I mutter, and he chuckles at my dramatic whine.

“HADDIE!” I jump at the loud shout of my name, but my smile turns real when I hear the voice of myotherbest friend.

“ADDIE!” Handing my beer to my sister, she huffs when I get up and walk around her to give my friend a hug. “You didn’t tell me you were coming here tonight!” I lean in to whisper so the others can’t hear me. “And you brought the Bimbo squad with you. Not even a heads-up?”

She just sighs at me. They assigned Addie and I as dorm roommates our freshman year and immediately hit it off. Where Marcus and I are podmates –you know, the whole ‘two peas in a pod’ thing– who grew up together and feel like the same person, Addie and I are complete opposites that just meshed really well. I think it’s because our names rhymed, so it was just meant to be. I don’t fault her for being friends with them. To her, they’re wonderful and she has a lot of fun with them, so I’ll never begrudge her just because they don’t like me.

“I didn’t know we were coming here. Kandii and Amber fell in with a group of guys that were out at the club and had plans to come here afterwards. So, here we are. You should come hang out with us!” She blinks her baby blues at me and pouts her lip.

“Addie… I love you. I really,reallydo… but Bamber and her Bambi Bimbos would definitely prefer that not happen.”

“Harry, you should. Honestly, I’m tired tonight and kinda feeling like I just want to head home,” Marcus says. I look at him and he seems like he’s dragging a bit tonight.

“Stop calling me Harry, and are you sure you don’t want to stay? I can go with you, and we can have anOfficemarathon.” I’m bummed that he’s bailing on me this early in the night. Leaning forward so only Addie and he can hear me. “Are you really going to make me hang out with Bamber?Alone?”

He stands up and throws money on the bar for our drinks. “It’ll do you good. Maybe you two can have a sisterly moment together and bond over Irish car bombs?”

I scowl at him, then even harder when he pats me on my head. “You’re unbelievable and a traitor.”

“Come on, your turn to toast. I’ll do this one with you before I leave. Make sure you call me tomorrow to let me know how bad it went. Also, I need videos when she finds a guy she plans to sink her claws into for the night.”

“Fine, but you’re going to make it up to me.” We lick our hands and sprinkle salt over them. Holding up our glasses, I hit him with a new one. “May you always come more than you go.”

Marcus throws his head back and laughs loudly, then takes his shot with me. “Nice. Let’s see if that one comes true.”

“Literally. Am I right?” I snicker.

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