Page 68 of Saint

He nodded, lost in thought. After a moment, he pulled in a breath and forced himself to continue, determined to get it all out.

“Each new thief is made and vetted. There are rituals and every tattoo is symbolic.”

“How do you get tattooed in prison?”

“With very primitive tools,” he answered dryly.

Mia reached for his hand and touched the circle with a dot inside on his right ring finger. “What does this mean?”

“It’s known as ‘The Roundstone’ and indicates an orphan.Nadeisya tolko na sebyaor ‘Rely only upon yourself’.”

“Jesus.” Her gaze moved to the letters??? along his knuckles. “And this?”

“Korennoy obitatel tiurmy.It indicates a native-born inmate and means ‘cat’,” he explained. Talking about the ink he was forced to endure so many years ago felt freeing in a weird sort of way. He couldn’t exactly explain it, but telling her made him feel a little lighter. As though a burden had been lifted and there were no more secrets he needed to keep.

“Cat?” she echoed.

He nodded, watching the way her small fingers trailed over his, studying each symbol inked into his skin. “Cats are very respected in Russian prisons. Unlike dogs who are considered cop animals.”

“And the star?” After lacing her fingers through his, she zeroed in on the eight-pointed star on his neck.

“The main tattoo.Vorovskoy miror World of Thieves.”

“Well, the Madonna and Child must mean something nice, right?”

A sad smile curved his mouth. “One might think. But, no, it signifies a criminal lifestyle from a young age.”

Suddenly, explaining each meaning didn’t feel so good anymore. It merely reminded him who he was and where he came from. And why he never should’ve touched Mia.

“And these letters—” He flashed the ??? on the back of his other hand, “—sums it all up.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Menya ispravit rasstrel.It means I’ll never be rehabilitated or re-educated. Literally, ‘a shooting will rehabilitate me’.”

“I don’t believe that and I hope you don’t either,” she said passionately. “You’re a good man, Nik. Yes, you had a rough time growing up, but your options were limited and you did what you had to in order to survive. No one can blame you for that.”

Maybe, maybe not.

“How did you get out of prison?” Once again, she threaded her delicate fingers through his and he felt a wave of strength flow into him from her touch.

“An opportunity presented itself and I made a deal with the FSS. They would get me out and, in return, I would go back to Petrov and work deep undercover. I’d provide intel on his operations and hopefully stay alive. I accepted. Anything was better than that fucking prison.”

“What happened?”

“I went back to Petrov and resisted the urge to kill him every moment of every day. I told him I’d escaped and I wasn’t going back to that hell on earth. And, once again, I pledged my loyalty to the Bratva. They were all lies, but I would’ve said anything before going back to prison.”

“Did he discover you were a double agent?”

“Yeah.” He released a shaky sigh, not wanting to expose her to the dirty details. “Suffice it to say, someone found out and ratted me out. Petrov had me tortured for—”

His voice cracked and Mia squeezed his hands. “You’re safe now.”

“For days,” he finished, voice barely audible. “At one point in my life or another, everyone has deserted me, Mia. I don’t know anything else. I’m not sure I can say the words you deserve to hear. I’ve never said them to anyone or heard them told back to me and—”

“I love you, Nik!” she blurted out.

He blinked, but she didn’t stop. Just kept repeating it over and over, leaning forward and dropping kisses along his chest.

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