Page 71 of A Kingdom so Crimson

How could I be infatuated with him, of all people? One who is working with Jesri but is…kind? One who desires my freedom but makes no move to get me out of this Match? How could I let myself feel these emotions when all my life I've only ever been told to hide them and push them down, to believe that all I was good for was as a weapon? But no matter how hard I tried,the butterflies didn't dissipate; they only made my heart flutter more intensely.

Touching my lips, I let out an exasperated breath, forcing my thoughts to quiet. Determined to focus on the present and not get tangled in emotions I had no business exploring, I settled against the window, counting the sparse trees that passed by before I drifted off to sleep.

The carriage lurched to a sudden stop, jolting me forward. Grunting in frustration, I caught myself on the velvety seat opposite, then sat up and peered out the window. The carriage swayed from side to side until Levon came into view, adjusting his dark tunic after hopping down. He walked to the door and pulled it open.

"We wanted to stop and stretch our legs for a moment," he explained, extending his hand wrapped in a black leather glove.

I accepted it, quickly smoothing my hair and wiping my face, hoping I didn't appear too disheveled from sleeping. Stepping out, I relished the sweet, lush scent of the surroundings. We found ourselves amidst an ocean of open fields and tall, swaying stalks, with a large mountain looming in the distance. Inhaling deeply, I rolled my shoulders and stretched my neck, glancing up to see Kaizen standing atop the carriage, surveying the fields.

"We're safe," Levon quickly added, noticing my frown. I managed a curt nod before he gestured for me to join him at the back of the carriage, where he opened a box filled with leathered fruit, nuts, bread, and dried meat. He grabbed a handful of everything and handed some to me, tossing more up to Kaizen, who caught it effortlessly.

"How close are we to the Creaic Gap?" I inquired.

"About another two to three hours," he replied, clearing his throat before taking a bite of bread and meat. I followed suit, taking a few bites, surprised by how hungry I was, and quickly finished the handful he gave me.

"I'll join you inside if you don't mind," he asked, his eyes glinting in the full sun. I gave him a slight nod before he whistled up to Kaizen. "Let's head out; I'll sit with Eliah," he called out to Kaizen.

Kaizen looked at him knowingly and hopped down to his driver's seat, taking the reins in his hands. Levon opened the carriage door and helped me inside before the carriage lurched forward, carrying us away and across the swaying green sea of hills.

"I'm surprised by how open it is out here," I remarked, still gazing at the rolling hills, attempting to break the awkward silence.

"King Thealor prefers these lands for farming," he said with a smile, gazing out at the green expanse. "You'll miss the openness here once we pass the Gap."

"Is it busier than the town?" I asked, not sure how anything could be more chaotic than that. He nodded, prompting my mind to wander to visions of the King's Court.

Awkwardness hung heavily between us as we sat fidgeting, each waiting for the other to initiate more small talk. He cleared his throat, opening his mouth as if to speak, but then hesitated, opting to glance out the window again, admiring the sense of freedom beyond.

"I apologize for my comments earlier. It was a lot to handle all at once," I confessed, feeling the weight of my admission. "But thank you for telling me the truth." The sincerity in my words conveyed my gratitude for finally being given clarity after years of uncertainty, even though the weight of it scraped my heart.

He looked at me, his expression surprised, his mouth slightly agape and eyebrows raised.

"Is the Lady Eliah apologizing to meandthanking me?" he teased, shifting slightly closer to his seat across, a hint of amusement playing on his lips.

"Don't expect me to hand them out freely," I retorted, narrowing my eyes. The tension eased as we shared a brief moment of lightness.

"I apologizefor leaving you with questions," he confessed, his voice full of remorse. "I didn't want to share the reality when we didn't fully understand it ourselves. When we first met, it took every ounce of my soul to keep silent about the tournament and the evaluation. Jesri was worried you would act out. He forced me not to say anything, threatening to cancel his deal, and I'd risk losing you…again." His head hung as he clasped his hands and leaned forward on his legs.

"I couldn't risk losing you," he continued, his tone softening with admiration. "You were so much stronger than Jesri led on. Fearless, determined to fulfill your dreams to obtain freedom, no matter the cost. You were far more formidable than the girl I remembered against the seaside." His words carried a mix of awe and affection.

A flush of red spread across my cheeks as I cleared my throat, trying to quell the rising feeling. "Do you have any more details about what this Match might involve?" I asked, hoping Edmon had provided more information.

His expression turned blank. "No, it became too risky, and we didn't want the king to trace it back to us. Especially since he's obsessed with surprises and has been known to imprison anyone who spoils it," he explained, his voice tense. Taking a deep breath, he averted his gaze and started to tap his foot nervously. "I'm sorry," he stammered. "For everything. I didn't know what else to do to grant you freedom…to keep you safe."

I hesitantly touched his arm. His eyes met mine, forcing me to retract my hand. But understanding washed over me—realizing his promise to his ailing mother, vowing to be a good man, but becoming ensnared in the evil and misery of the world. Yet, he found his own path to freedom and tried to help others findtheirs—people like Elise, Saasha, and me. I offered him a sad smile, observing the weight of his choices bearing down on him. It made me wonder if not all men were inherently malicious, as Jesri had often claimed.

"I do vow to protect you, Eliah. Always," he declared solemnly as he took my hands in his. His expression softened as he gazed into my eyes. "I pledge my life to you and will honor that promise. Bitter words and a fiery heart mean nothing if not from you. I am not easily broken; know I am yours now and forever."

My breath caught in my throat as he glanced at my lips, igniting a flurry of emotions that danced down my body. Irritation bubbled within me, frustrated at myself for craving the touch of his soft lips. Yet, there was a newfound sense offreedomin being desired by someone as flawed as I was. It dawned on me that my brokenness could be the very thing that someone might cherish fully, unlike the fleeting infatuation I had with Calum.

I wished I could go back and tell my younger self that good things were on the horizon, urging her to hold on a little longer. The label of an unloved, forgotten ward didn't define me entirely—it was just a fraction of who I was. Beyond my scars and past traumas, Iwasdesirable, and this realization filled me with hope and empowerment but frustrated me with the longing to be touched by him.

"I'm still upset at you," I taunted, breaking the growing silence.

"It wouldn't be you if you weren't," he smiled, letting go of my hands and leaning against the carriage wall.

The sun shone through the carriage, casting shadows across his face as we rode on through more fields of green. His face was still marred with yellowing bruises along the small scar barely visible under his jawline.

"What happened?" I asked, causing him to cock his head in question. "To your face, I mean," I said with a swallow.

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