Page 66 of Off Balance

"You're awfully secure for a man who's never been with another man before." I can feel him smirk against my side.

There are some major obstacles to get through if this is going to be a real thing between us. Our age difference, for one. I have a hard time believing that Cam really wants to be saddled with some old guy when he's got so much more life ahead of him. And if things keep going like they are, I imagine we’ll have to tell Dwayne and Cora about us, and I'm not sure how they'll feel about it. It's honestly a clusterfuck, and I'm unsure about most of it. And maybe it is strange, but there are so many other things to think about and worry over, that the fact he's a guy hasn't been more than a passing thought. I don't know what I'm doing or how to please him—that's about where my worries about him being a man start and stop.

Pulling my arm out from beneath him, I turn on my side so we're facing each other. The room is still dark, but my eyes have adjusted to the dim lighting provided by the large windows. I can clearly make out Cam's soft features, his full mouth, the dark eyelashes that frame those haunting eyes of his. I cup his cheek in my hand and lean forward to kiss him lightly, before letting my hand fall to his waist. My forehead against his, I whisper all my truths into the sliver of space between us.

"I've come to terms with a lot of things," I tell him. "I'm just waiting for you to get on my level. I think you're perfect, Cam. Everything you do is magic to me. The way you make me feel. The way you lift up everyone around you without even realizingit. I'll never deserve you. I'm too old for you, too ugly and clumsy and grumpy, and yeah, I'm probably not experienced enough in the pleasing a man department." I blow out a harsh breath. "I mean, I'm definitely not experienced enough, considering I'm still reeling from how hard you blew my mind just now. I'm afraid I'll never be good enough. But if you give me the chance, I'd like to try."

"What about your brother and my mom?"

"I don't have an answer for that. Maybe we wait until we're both sure before we say anything? I don't want to keep you a secret, but I will if it's easier for you. For now," I amend. I don't want him getting the impression that I'd be able to keep him to myself for very long. I don't like pretending, and now that I've touched and tasted him, how can I ever act anything other than awed in his presence? Luckily, I already have a habit of acting like a spaz in his presence, otherwise it'd be much easier to tell.

"How about we keep trying each other out," he says, smirking at the way my dick makes an attempt to jerk back to life between us. "And see how we feel after the fight?"

The fight.

That thought is almost enough to put a permanent moratorium on my boner.

"Why are you doing it?" Cam asks, noticing my mood change. "If you don't want to do the fight, why risk it?"

"A lot of reasons that have nothing to do with me, and one reason that does." He doesn't say anything, only traces the line of my jaw with his fingers. "If I pull it off, Dwayne's gym could get a lot of attention. He'd be able to expand, hire more trainers,and put more into the management side of things, which is what he always wanted to do."

"I've heard them talk about it. My mom would quit her job and come do bookkeeping for the gym so they could be gross together all day, every day."

It's my turn to smirk. "You love it."

"Tell anyone and I'll never suck your dick again."

I gasp theatrically, holding my hand to my chest. Cam laughs so hard he snorts, and I don't know why, but it's the most joyful moment of my life. I'm staring at him like an absolute lunatic, thinking of how much I absolutely adore everything about him. Everything except the other man in his life…

Rolling us until I'm laying over him again, I look down at him like he hangs the fucking moon, because he might as well. As intrigued by him as I was the first time I saw him, as besotted by him as I was the first time we talked, as increasingly preoccupied I have been with every day that has passed since then—I'm well and truly obsessed now. Holding him like this, feeling him so close… I don't think I've ever felt anything like it.

"What about Alistar?" I ask, keeping my tone gentle.

The moment I say his name, I regret it. As much as I know we need to talk about it, the deep circles under his eyes seem to darken and his expression goes blank.

"You don't have to?—"

"No. It's okay. It's a fair question. If you were seeing someone, I'd—wait,areyou seeing anyone?"

My chest rumbles with laughter. "No. I haven't been able to see anyone but you since that first performance." My head ducks to his chest, but he lifts my face with both hands, bringing me closer to him.

"I don't want Emile. I'm not sure I ever have. But I'm stuck," he admits sadly, a tear escaping from the corner of his eye. My thumb chases it, then brings it to my mouth to kiss it away. "He can stop me from ever dancing on stage again. I was going to do this competition this summer, but he found my application and told me I wasn't ready, that he wouldn't let me embarrass him by even applying. He more or less told me that he holds the keys to my entire future as a dancer. If I don't walk his line, I could lose it all."

My teeth are grinding under the pressure of my clenched jaw. I've never wanted to hurt someone more than I do Emile fucking Alistar. "What exactly is it that he thinks he can do to you?"

The helpless expression on his face helps me temper some of my anger. I can see that there's more to this, and I want him to feel safe with me. Flying off the handle isn't going to let him know he can talk to me about whatever is going on with him. I give him a gentle kiss and pull back. "It's okay," I whisper. "You can tell me."

He swallows and closes his eyes. "My partner for the last production, Marissa? She was going to move home to be closer to her family, or at least that's what she told everyone. She had a job lined up with the Houston Ballet, but Emile found out and sabotaged her."

"That motherfucker," I can't help but mutter.

"The dancer that didn't show up the night I took over as principal? Heath?" He's whispering, like he's afraid the walls might find out his secrets. "He was in a bad accident that night. And I'm not sure it really was an accident."

I want to ask more, but the pain in Cam's eyes is killing me. I gather him as close as I can, rolling us so I'm on my back and he's straddling my waist, so I don't squash him.

"I won't let him hurt you," I say. "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again.”

CHAPTER 19

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