Page 79 of The Sleight Before Christmas

“I’m doing you a favor, Serena. I swear I am. Just let me save you the trouble.”

“Jesus, Thatch, can’t I at least get a chance to make the decision?”

“No,” he states before turning and stalking off, the sob that escapes me stopping him at the door of the shed. He stares back at me with little to no life in his eyes, but his voice shakes with his delivery. “I’m glad I met you. I’m glad I got to know you.” He wavers slightly but maintains. “To kiss your beautiful face, touch you. But fucking you would ruin me, and so I didn’t go there. I knew the second we got that intimate I wouldn’t be able to walk away from you. I’m too into you to deal with that, and I’m too set on leaving to stay for a girl who will only see the light one day too late. I’m sorry, but this has to be classified as nothing but fun. Take care, Serena.”

“You know what you have to offer me?” I snap, and he stops, keeping his back to me. “You. And that would be all I needed. Anything I want, I can work for and obtain my fucking self. All I want from you, Thatcher O’Neal, is you.”

When he remains standing there, I feel my mother’s gaze at that table as resignation sets in. To fight, for the first time in a very long time for an idea, a spark, the strongest inclination I’ve had in forever to seek the life I want.

“You know, when I got to school, I thought I would meet all these amazing, creative thinkers who would open my mind and intrigue me—make me look at the world differently. Expand my horizons and all that crap. But it was so obvious that I had just landed in an amplified version of high school. Same guys, fuckboys, only down for themselves. And girls who were only interested in the fuckboys. At the first party,” I swallow, “I was miserable because the truth rang home as I looked around. And just before I walked out, I realized the worst feeling in theworld is being surrounded by people and feeling completely and utterly alone.”

I swallow and swallow again.

“All I could do to keep my shit together was look forward to Christmas break, and ironically, all I had to do was get here to meet the mind, the guy I thought I would find in college. Because you fascinate me, you intrigue me. You see through my bullshit and call me out on it. You rebuke the persona I’ve been ridding myself of since high school. You’re the first person I’ve met since then that felt like the right company—fuck that, felt right for me. That sparked something inside me and made me feel like I wasn’t alone.”

“Serena—”

“So fuck you. I’m glad it was fun for you, Thatch, but I’m pretty sure you just broke my God damned heart because as crazy as this may sound, I’m in love with you. God,” I shake my head, palming my burning cheeks as he snaps his head toward me, eyes glazed.

“Don’t fuck with me.”

“Fuck with you?” I scoff. “I’m not. You know I’m not, but it seems I’m the fool of the two of us. I mean, you warned me, but I guess I thought you couldn’t walk away from this. I know I couldn’t. So, I guess, make sure to drop us a postcard from fucking Alaska, jackass.”

“Tell me again.”

“That you what? That you’re a dumb bastard who’s walking out on a good woman? Nah, I’ll spare myself since I’m the only one saying anything that actually means something.”

Heartbeats pass as he stares at me, his expression guarded, his eyes glazing. He swallows and swallows again, fists at his sides. “What if I love you?”

“Well, if you’re willing to walk out on me with that shitty kiss goodbye and nothing but a ‘see ya,’ your love can’t be worth much.”

His voice breaks on every word of his reply. “My dream has been to leave this place for ten fucking years, Serena. To escape my family. To leave it all behind.”

“You already have, Thatch, just not mentally, and running to the Alaskan wilderness to do it isn’t the fucking solution. Ever heard the saying, ‘everywhere you go, there you are?’ Same shit. You’re too smart to believe otherwise,” I state, unsure if my heart is still pumping because I knew the minute I saw Thatch O’Neal that he would mean something to me. The confirmation running with surety of what that something is now because I’ve fallen in love with an idiot.

“Well, then, go, my first heartbreak. I gotta admit, it stings like a bitch, but I’m sure I’ll move on. Go to Alaska, Thatch. Your destiny awaits.”

“Say it again, Serena.”

“Leave!” I screech. “You’ve humiliated me, and I’m not a fan of that. Maybe you aren’t so special.”

“I can’t,” he swallows as if the words are hard to get out, “I can’t imagine never touching you again,” he rasps out hoarsely. “I can’t imagine a future without you now, God damnit!” His expression shatters me, the hope in his eyes blinding me as our eyes bolt and hold. “I’ve done everything right since I met your dad, gone against every instinct drilled into me since I was a kid. To take, take, take what didn’t belong to me. To steal what someone else has worked for. To take what someone else deserved. But if you say you’re mine, you better fucking mean it.”

“Look at me, Thatch,” my chest heaves and shudders as I feel like I’m about to explode. Too many feelings, too damned soon. If this isn’t love, then it’s something really close. “Do I meanit? I feel like I’m dying, so do what you will with that,” My chest bounces as tears stream down my cheeks. “But if you take another step away from me, you will never get to know.”

“Don’t fuck with me,” he repeats, his eyes shining. “Please don’t fuck with me. I can’t give you some fairy tale life. I’m not the fairy tale guy. I don’t know how hard it will be with me. I’m a convicted felon and I’m ... it will be hard.”

“I don’t care. My heart is set on you, Thatch.”

He rushes me, pinning me to the workbench as he did the night we met, his expression one I’ve never seen. Unguarded, utterly and completely raw.

“If you tell me one more time that you’re mine, I’ll stay. I’ll wait until you graduate, and I’ll fucking ring your finger, Serena,” he whispers. “I will earn you, and I’ll fucking take you from the guy who deserves you. I’ll steal you right now from the man who deserves your hand, your heart, your body, your future. I’ll steal your fucking future because I want you that fucking much.”

“Then take me, you stupid bastard,” I rip at his hair as his lips brush mine, “but don’t leave me.”

We collide, our kiss hungry even as we exhale relieved gasps into each other’s mouths.

“I love you,” he croaks as my heart bursts into rhythm with relief. We rip at each other’s clothes as he pushes my knees apart.

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