Page 10 of The Sleight Before Christmas

“But Daddy!” Peyton cries, a meltdown brewing in his voice as I dig in.

“Go out that door, knock, wait until we answer, and tell you it’s okay to come in.”

Peyton drags the door behind him, yelling through the gap as he closes it. “Someone stolded our tree!”

Ignoring every word, I gaze down at Serena before dipping and stealing another morning breath kiss. A beat later, another knock sounds outside the door, a split second before it pops back open.

“Peyton,” I bark after ending our kiss abruptly. My eyes still on my wife as her chest heaves as she stares up at me like I’m a different man. Resignation sets in again at the look of her. For her, I’ll find more words. For her, I’ll fight our two screaming hellions back into some sort of bearable submission.

“What?” He feigns ignorance.

Shit. Maybe he gets it from me.

“Did we ask you who it was?”

“You know it’s me, Daddy. I told you!”

Walking over, I push his tiny chest so that he’s clear of the threshold and snap the door closed in his face before locking it. Serena’s breath catches audibly behind me as I hold my palm in the air beside me in a gesture of holding steady. As fucking ridiculous as it is, we’re declaring war today. So today, I fear, might be the hardest. We’ve failed at disciplining our children enough that they refuse to obey the smallest of orders, which is the most dangerous part of all of this. It’s the added image of Peyton in the Lowe’s parking lot last week that keeps me firmly behind the door.

“Daddy, someone stolded our tree!”

Biting my tongue as Serena lets out a nervous laugh, I cross my arms until a knock sounds.

“Daddy?”

Silence.

Knock. Knock.

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Can I come in to tell you someone stolded our tree!”

Serena’s muffled laughter sounds before she utters, “we’re going to hell, Thatch.”

I grin over my shoulder. “Yeah, well, we’re taking them with us.”

She shakes her head and drops it back to her pillow, clearly amused, as I unlock and open the door.

“Now that you have knocked and I have answered, you can come in and talk to us.”

“Daddy,” he gazes at my irritated junk, “why is your pee-pee jumping?”

Wincing, I hear Serena’s muffled laughter. “Because I have to go to the bathroom, and I haven’t had a chance due to you screaming. State your issue, Son.”

“I told you five times already, stupid Daddy, gah!”

I push Peyton’s chest gently back out of the door and shut it in his face, locking it a second time.

“I knocked!” He belts through the wood.

“Go tell some other stupid Daddy five times.”

“Thatch,” Serena draws, and I shoot her a warning look over my shoulder.

“How do you want me to tell you?!” Peyton shouts in exasperation before calling for backup. “Mommy!”

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