Could she do so now? Would it make a difference to Erica—or even herself—to hear the other side of her conundrum from someone navigating the opposite situation?
But then, Erica and Lee were wildly in love. Which wasnotthe situation with JT anymore. Sure, Alexandra loved him, but sometimes she wondered if he even liked her these days.
He was so moody and cold.
She remembered the look he’d given her earlier, and heat flooded her.
Nothing cold about that.
She cleared her throat. “JT and I have struggled with that question for years.”
Erica’s brows drew together. “Really?”
Janice gave a soft smile. “As a T&D employee, I think it’s best if I leave you two to talk. Erica, know that I support you, always.”
As Janice walked away, Erica murmured, “I really love that woman.”
“I’m sorry if my confession drove her off.”
Erica shrugged, “It’s fine. You and I need to talk, and she’s right. Lee might not be active in company management, but both he and JT are essentially her bosses. It’s best to keep this stuff private. Especially given how much JT has been struggling.”
“You know about that?”
“Honey, everyone knows. Lee’s worried. He’s been so grateful to you for sticking by him. I thought he’d told you that?”
“He has, but…I thought JT was doing a better job of hiding his struggle since then. Especially with Lee, given what Joe did to you both.”
“Lee and JT went to see Joe in hospice yesterday.”
Alexandra let out a gasp. “JT didn’t tell me that. I mean, I knew JT went, but I didn’t know Lee was there. Was it the first time Lee’s seen him since the sentencing?”
Erica nodded. “I had to push him to go. Remind him he’d regret it when Joe is gone.”
“How…how was it?”
Erica’s gaze shifted to Lee as he stood twenty feet away, chatting with a small group of people. JT was nowhere to be seen.
“I think it went as well as could be expected. Joe cried and told Lee he’s sorry again, that he loves him, and he asked for forgiveness.”
“But Lee isn’t there yet. He’s not ready to forgive.”
“No, he’s not. I don’t know if he ever will be. And honestly, I think it’s shitty to ask for forgiveness from your deathbed. Talk about a mind fuck. The pressure.”
“But I get why he did it,” Alexandra said.
“Yeah. Same.” Erica bit her lip. “Sometimes I just want Lee to forgive Joe so we can put it behind us and move on, but who am I to talk? I can’t forgive my dead mother, and because of her, I’m terrified of having kids with the man I love. That’s why I told Lee we shouldn’t say we’re engaged anymore. It doesn’t feel right until I know I can give him what he wants.”
“But Erica, Lee loves you. And he obviously loves you enough to want to marry you even knowing you might not ever want kids. If he’s saying that, he means it. Believe me, I know. Hold on tight and marry him.”
“Is that what happened with you and JT, why you broke up?”
She gave a slow nod. “Except it went the other way. I want kids. He doesn’t. There were other factors, but that was one of the biggest.”
“But here you are, years later, still together.”
“I can’t seem to stop loving him. I tried dating, and…no one else made me feel like he did. The problem is, we never had a big fight or anything. Hell, even now, when he’s being an absolute ass half the time and I’m not entirely certain he even likes me, I can’t leave him. Believe me, I want to at times. But then, other times, he looks at me like he used to, and dammit, I just…melt.”
It was clear when they sat down to dinner that JT had been drinking, which was odd because he usually limited himself at these kinds of events. They’d had champagne in the limousine on the way here, but usually, that was where his drinking stopped, with the exception of a glass of wine with dinner.