Page 57 of Don't Look Back

These days, even FBI analysts couldn’t tout their credentials. When asked, they would say they worked for the Justice Department and leave it at that.

It hurt to see Freya’s words, and she took small comfort in Rand’s pushback. She noted he never promised to keep Kira in the dark. He just said he’d make the call as things developed.

The phone began to vibrate, and the screen changed to an incoming call.

Freya Lange.

Kira hesitated a moment, then answered. She had no idea how she felt about the woman who was technically her oldest friend and sometimes her client. Today, she didn’t feel like a friend and had assumed the role of boss without Kira’s consent. She opted for a neutral tone and said, “Hello, Freya.”

“Kira. I was expecting Rand.”

“Sorry. He’s not here.”

“Oh. Well then…when will he be back?”

“Freya, this is about me, so tellme.”

There was a long pause, then Freya said, “I’m sorry I told Rand to withhold what we learned about Andre Stoltz from you.”

“Good.” She wasn’t about to thank her or accept the apology. Not now. They could have it out back in DC. “Now why did you call?”

Freya let out a sharp laugh. “You know, I’ve always liked you, Kira, but I really, really like the strong woman you’ve become.”

“Right.”

“I mean it. I was playing you like you weren’t a member of the team because you’re so close to this emotionally. I wasn’t treating you like an operative. And that was wrong. My decision there had nothing to do with my thoughts or feelings about you. It was a straight-up judgment call I’d make about anyone who was emotionally invested in a situation.

“Someday, you’ll meet Bastian and his wife, Bree. Bastian was on Cal and Pax’s A-Team. Bree can tell you how I…well, shit. I don’t even want to admit what I ordered Bastian to do because I didn’t trust Bree could be logical when it came to her family. I was a great CIA officer and a terrible friend. At least with Bree, I was a covert operative first and the friendship came later. But with you, I think I screwed up because you’re important to me.”

Freya drew in a deep breath. “Kira, you’re the only person left alive who also loved Apollo. And I know he didn’t deserve you. I know how he hurt you. But it means something to me that I have a person in my life who knew my family and grieved for their loss. And I’m sorry I never said that to you. Sorry I didn’t hug you and tell you how mad I was at Apollo on your behalf. But I could only deal with my own grief at the time.”

Freya’s voice broke somewhere in there, and Kira sucked in a breath to try to hold back her own tears. She lost the battle and swiped at her eyes, glad this wasn’t a video chat and Rand wasn’t here. One public breakdown a day was enough.

She sniffed and waited until her voice was steady to speak. “Thank you. I did love him. And I hated him. And I know you weren’t in a place to face my mixed emotions when you’d just lost everyone.”

“I’m sorry you had to find out about his girlfriend the way you did. If I had known, I would have tried to find a way to spare you that. But I didn’t find your letter until weeks after his death.”

She swallowed. “Thank you.”

It was surreal to be having this conversation now, when it was Kira’s family that was the issue. More than two decades had passed, and the tears they were both spilling proved that the words were long overdue.

Kira needed to fully let go of the pain Apollo had caused and also allow herself to remember the boy she’d loved. Ever since Freya had returned to her life, she’d known they would have this conversation. It was part of why she’d feared the woman, but also wanted to be her friend.

“We can talk about this more when I’m back in DC.”

“Promise me we will?” Freya’s voice was soft. Almost yearning. It was a tone she hadn’t heard since they were kids. And even then, it had been rare. Freya had always seemed like she had it together compared to Kira’s awkwardness.

“We will. But you have to promise to tell me about Rand too.”

Freya let out a soft shriek. “Iknewit. He’s head over heels for you. Has been since December.”

“I hardly think that’s the case, but he’s made his interest clear.”

“Kira, I’ve known the man for more than six years. He dated Staci. He’s brought other dates to get-togethers. And he’s different with you.”

The fluttery feeling when she thought about Rand was back. “Well then, we’ll put him on the agenda when we talk.”

“I can’t tell you about the classified ops, but Morgan can share things that I can’t.”

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