Page 42 of Don't Look Back

He stepped toward her. She took a step back, coming up against a limestone brick wall. He planted his right hand on the wall and leaned into her. “The truth is, I haven’t even gone on a date since we met. I haven’t wanted to because no one else was”—his voice dropped to a whisper—“you.”

He planted his left hand on the other side, trapping her. “So now that I’ve confessed how I feel—again—I have a question for you. Who is Apollo, and am I in competition with him?”

Of all the things she might have expected him to say, that wasn’t even in the same universe. Her throat went dry. Or maybe the heat of the day simply caught up with her. “What did Freya tell you?”

His head tipped back, brows furrowing. “Freya? Why would Freya say anything? Is he someone who works for FMV?”

“If it wasn’t Freya, then who told you about Apollo?” Had her father emailed him?

“You did. When I found you last December. You were out of it and said I look like your love, Apollo.”

ChapterTwenty-One

My dearest Apollo,

I know it’s silly to write a letter that will take two weeks to get to you when we have email, but when I saw this lacy red teddy in the store, I couldn’t resist buying it. I can’t exactly store it in my underwear drawer—my mom would freak if she found it!! So I’m sending it to you to keep it safe. Bring it with you when you come home for Freya’s graduation.

I’m counting the days until you’re home and I can wear it for you! I miss you so much. I know your visit is to celebrate Freya, but I hope while you’re here, we can tell our parents about us. I’ll be 18 in August and will be able to get a passport without my father’s approval. I can’t wait to visit you in Paris. I want to take a gap year and travel. I have graduation money and I’ve been saving all my money from working at the bookstore for the last year. If your roommates don’t object, I could stay with you for a month before going to Germany to visit the places where my mom grew up. I’ll cook and clean—anything you want so long as I can stay with you. I can wear the teddy every night.

Imagine, a whole month together…♥

I want your body pressed to mine, to make love again and again. Sometimes, it feels like last December was just a dream.

I miss you so much. I’m counting the days to graduation when I can see you again. I’m on the pill now, so we won’t have to mess around with condoms.

Just a few more months, and we can be together.

How cool is it that your sister is salutatorian and your girlfriend is valedictorian?! Freya and I will sit next to each other at graduation and will give our speeches back-to-back. I doubt I’ll be able to concentrate, knowing you’ll be watching, but I will practice and practice my speech to make you proud.

I love you,

Kira

Freya swiped at the tears that fell as she reread the letter she’d found in her brother’s apartment two months after his death twenty-two years ago. He’d died along with their parents in a terrorist suicide bombing at a market in Greece, just weeks after receiving lingerie in a care package from seventeen-year-old Kira.

Freya had known Kira since middle school. She’d recognized Kira’s crush on her older brother almost from the start, but Apollo was three years older, and, being a full-of-himself jock, had mocked Kira when she wasn’t around.

Finding the letter when she was so deep in grief, she hadn’t been able to process what it meant even though she understood the gist. Her twenty-year-old brother had taken advantage of Kira’s infatuation when he was home for winter break. That was bad enough, but it wasn’t what triggered Freya’s tears. No, that ache came from the fact that her brother had a girlfriend in Paris at the same time he was seducing sweet young Kira.

Worse, this fact was revealed to Kira long before Freya found the letter.

His girlfriend had posted all over the weblog—newly dubbed “blog” back in the dark ages of the internet—created in their hometown to send condolences to Freya as she cleaned out her brother’s apartment in Paris and arranged her entire family’s funeral in Greece. Apollo’s girlfriend had posted repeatedly, sharing photos of her and Apollo kissing in every corner of Paris and the French countryside.

Truth was, the woman had been a nasty piece of work who tried to claim Apollo’s TV and couch until Freya showed the literal receipts that proved she was lying.

At the end of those awful days, she’d found herself wishing Kira had been his actual girlfriend. But no. He might have been a great brother, but he was a shitty man who’d never had a chance to grow out of being a dick to women.

In the years since Apollo’s death, Freya had never revealed to Kira that she’d found the letter. She’d been too overwhelmed with her own grief at first to be able to face Kira’s certain pain. Later, she hadn’t wanted to embarrass the other woman.

She must’ve been gutted at seeing the blog comments with photos of Apollo with another woman, but as the years ticked by, surely that pain had eased?

Even if it had, it was the kind of thing that left deep scars, especially because Kira had been so…young. She and Freya were the same age, but somehow, Kira always felt younger.

She wondered about those scars now. Kira was shy and flustered easily. Freya knew she intimidated her, and assumed it was residual embarrassment over Apollo’s betrayal. Still, hiring Kira as a consultant for Friday Morning Valkyries had been a no-brainer. She was confident when it came to her work and always delivered.

Until Freya got her abducted.

And now Kira could be in trouble again, and it felt wrong somehow that they’d never buried their shared pain at Apollo’s death, shared horror that the brother she loved could be so rotten.

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