Page 112 of Don't Look Back

“I dove down, searching. I was a good swimmer. Strong. I went down again and again. Coming up to breathe, then I’d dive again, pushing myself deeper and deeper. I don’t know how many times that happened before suddenly, there was Mama, grabbing me and swimming with me back to the boat, which had drifted. I fought her as she shoved me over the gunwale. I shouted that I needed to find you. Save my sister. I jumped back in again, and that’s when she grabbed me and slapped me, hard. She again shoved me over the gunwale and told me to stay in the boat. She would save you. I needed to wait in the boat, to grab you when she handed you over. And then she slipped below the water, and I never saw either of you again.”

The tears were now a flood. “I’m sorry, Reuben.”

“I drifted for hours, watching the water. The ice cream melted along with the blocks of ice that protected it. Finally, Papa sent a boat out to find us—me—and I was rowed back to shore. I had the worst sunburn of my life and was dangerously dehydrated. I’m told I fought them from bringing me in. I was determined to watch the water so I could be there to grab you when Mama came back.”

The mask of anger had slipped from Reuben’s face. Now all she saw was his pain.

“I’m so sorry. I—” She didn’t have words. Nothing she could say could soothe this agony.

“Were there scuba divers under the water? Did they take you to Birgu?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember. Probably?”

“Why didn’t they take me? Why did Mama shovemeback in the boat, but takeyouwith her?”

“I can’t answer that.” She could guess, though. He could too. Too old to forget his father. Luka would never let a son go. Or maybe she wasn’t Luka’s daughter at all… That was her favorite theory, but also the least likely.

She didn’t state her ideas aloud. No point in speculating when they’d never know the truth. Instead, she gave him the only truth she could offer. “You were a great big brother. I worshipped you. Thank you for trying to save me that day.”

His face pinched as if he wanted to deny it, but he was the one who’d just told the awful story. He cleared his throat instead and said, “You were a terrible brat. I shouldn’t have bothered.”

Another tear spilled, and she let out a sharp laugh. “You’re just mad because I was so small, I was better at hide-and-seek than you.”

He snorted. “It was my best trick for getting rid of you. Let you think you’d hidden so well I couldn’t find you, then I went off to play video games with Ivan and Anton.”

The names triggered a jolt of memory. “Ivan and Anton. Oh my. I—I remember them. Playing in the house and garden. Who were they?”

“Servants’ kids. There were several. Papa didn’t like us playing with them, but Mama allowed it. Said we should get to have fun and be children.”

Kira was reminded of Nadia, who grew up with Grigory’s daughter and now was a maid and Aleksandr’s mistress, hoping to leave the servants’ quarters by becoming his wife.

“Do any of the children we played with still work for”—she hesitated then managed to say it without choking—“Papa?”

“Yes. Ivan works in security, as did his father. Clara works in the kitchen.”

There was a vague familiarity to the names. Playing hide-and-seek and calling them out, singsong. One teased at the edge of her mind.Benny.But drawn out.Behhhnnneeeee.

“Was there a boy named Benny?”

Reuben startled at that. “Yes. Benedikt. He was closer to your age than mine—worked for us until a year ago. He got a job in the US. Your neck of the woods, I believe. Virginia.”

“Virginia is a big state. Is he near DC?”

“I’ve no idea.”

“What does he do?”

“Something with computers. Left us in a lurch—he’d managed our network at the villa and the estate in Russia and quit without warning. Met a girl or something.”

“I’ll have to look him up when I go home. What’s his last name?”

Reuben paused for a moment then said, “I don’t remember.”

He was lying. He’d said too much, and he knew it.

Sheknew it.

But then, part of him probably wanted her to know. He hated her that much.

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