Page 24 of Last Resort

“I won’t miss next time,” he vowed and picked up a decorative globe from the sideboard.

Josh raised his hands in a gesture of surrender and started to back toward the door. “Okay, okay. Geez. It was just fucking.”

“Leave now, and I won’t burn your stuff.” Erik didn’t recognize his own voice.

“Holy shit. You’ve lost your mind.”

Erik raised the orb to throw. He didn’t pitch softball, but at this distance he couldn’t miss.

“I’m going!” Josh hurried to the door without buttoning his shirt or buckling his belt. He paused in the opening. “Screw me over and you’ll be sorry. I’ve got friends who are lawyers. I can sue your ass for everything you’ve got.”

“My friends are Interpol,” Erik said in a cold, hard tone. “They can make you disappear.”

Josh’s eyes went wide as if he finally realized he’d gone too far. He backed out of the door, and Erik slammed it behind him.

Erik collapsed to his knees, heaving for breath as the world swam around him. He hadn’t had a major panic attack since shortly after his shooting, but he remembered the lead-up clearly. Erik fell back on his ass, leaning against the cabinets and closed his eyes, just trying not to pass out.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Later, when the anger cooled, he’d feel the heartbreak. But right now everything twisted up together inside. His heart pounded, and he swore bands were tightening around his chest, suffocating him. Erik couldn’t stifle a moan. He lurched to one side and threw up, then crawled away and curled in a ball, shaking so hard his teeth chattered.

“Erik.” The voice came from far away.Not Josh.

“Erik, wake up.” The speaker sounded concerned, even fearful. Erik couldn’t concentrate, didn’t want anyone nearby, and definitely didn’t want to be touched. He panicked when he couldn’t move his legs.

“Whoa. Hold steady—you’re tangled up in the throw. Don’t kick me or put a hole in it.”

Seconds later, his feet were free, and Erik swallowed hard, trying not to retch.

“Erik, love, whatever’s going on in your head isn’t real. Come back. Please, babe. Open your eyes.”

Erik still gasped for air, but he forced himself to open his eyes. It took a few seconds to recognize the worried face inches from his own.

“Ben?”

Ben slumped with relief. “Oh, thank God. You scared the shit out of me. Panic attack?”

The awful fog of memories started to clear. Ben moved toward him slowly like Erik was a spooked horse and finally enfolded him in an embrace that was close enough to reassure but didn’t trap him.

“Christ, you’re cold as ice,” Ben fretted, running his palms up and down Erik’s arms. “Listen to my heartbeat, and breathe with me. In. Out. I’ve got you. I won’t let go. I’m here. Just hang onto me and breathe. In. Out.”

Erik focused on Ben’s voice, the warmth of his body, the strength of his hands. His stomach stopped pitching, and gradually his heart quit pounding.

“It’s okay, you’re safe,” Ben whispered over and over.

Finally, Erik stilled. Ben didn’t let go.

“Want to talk about it?”

Erik didn’t, but he knew Ben deserved an answer.God, I’m so broken. I don’t know why he sticks around.

“Bad dream,” Erik managed.

“The shooting?” Ben’s voice was low and steady, but Erik heard the concern and, beneath it, affection.

Erik shook his head. “That day?—”

“Shh,” Ben soothed, and Erik knew his partner understood his meaning. “That’s long over. It’s just us now. You’re out of that life, far away. Just us,” he repeated, holding Erik close.

“I’m sorry,” Erik whispered.

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