Page 74 of Love In Translation

“I will never be a nine-to-five husband. You need one of those. You need someone who wants a stable life, who is predictable. Someone who will be there every night, over weekends and holidays. I’m not that man.”

Rheo wasn’t crying. Thank God—her tears would drop him to his knees. All she did was watch and wait. And after a few moments, she spoke again. “Are you done?”

He nodded and rubbed his hands over his face. He couldn’t tell her how much he wanted her to be there when he returned from an expedition, to sink into her world of comfort and stability for a few weeks or months. Rheo welcoming him home was the ultimate prize, but he couldn’t ask her to hang aroundwaitingfor him, her life on hold...

God, it hurt.

“There you go again, telling me what I need and want,” she stated, her voice cool. “For someone who’s conquered mountains and jungles, lived through blizzards, and pushed himself to his physical limits, you’re quite the coward, aren’t you?”

Her words punched him in the chest, knocking the wind out of him. He couldn’t answer. He could only stare at her, his mouth open in shock.

“You can do, have done, all these amazing things, but you are useless at being emotionally brave. I’m much better at that than you.”

How so?he wanted to ask, but his words were burrs in his throat.

“I’ve pulled myself out of...well, not a black spot, but out of a deep rut. You coming into my life helped, but I’ve made a lot of progress on my own. I’ve reconnected with my family—they still drive me nuts, but I’m learning to live with them—and I hope I won’t be as judgmental of them going forward. I’m going to return to my job, because I love it, hoping I can do it to the standard they require. If I can’t, I will find something else,” she told him.

How could she sound so calm when he had a million fire ants crawling under his skin?

“I never asked you to give up exploring for me, Fletch. It’s not something I’d ever expect you to do. Loving you—and yes, I’m going there!—means accepting exploration is a huge part of you, accepting I’d only have minimal time with you.” She shrugged and sent him a sad smile. “The thing is, I’d rather have minimal time with you than no time at all. I might not be able to scale mountains, cross raging rivers, or even complete a stupid-ass race without doing myself a permanent injury, but I’m brave enough to be honest, and courageous enough to recognize love when it drops into my life.”

Fletch’s world now rested on shifting ground. He wanted to apologize and explore this new world she’d introduced him to, but another part of him, the biggest part, was terrified of taking her hand. Terrified of taking the first step into a new landscape. A life, emotionally connected but physically apart.

Because he was petrified, at the end of his emotional rope, and unable to deal with any of this, he uttered words he knew would stop her in her tracks.

“You’re not that brave, Rheo! Jesus, do you really think you are?” he asked, hating himself for lashing out, but unable to stop. “You can’t even call your grandmother and tell her you’re living in her house and that you’ve been out of work for nearly six months. You say you are being honest, but you’re not. Do youhonestlythink you’d be happy with me dropping in and out of your life? You’d resent me. What if we had kids? You’d hate me because I wasn’t doing my share. Try being truly honest, Rheo.”

She stood up and wrapped her arms around her torso, her hot blue eyes slicing through him. “I’m not an idiot, nor am I blinded by love. I would go into a relationship with you with my eyes wide-open. But you don’t love me enough, or at all, and you’re not prepared to find a way to make it work. And that’s okay, Fletch. There’s no rule stating you have to jump in.”

Rheo pushed her hair off her face, and he could see she was holding back tears. She forced her mouth into a smile. “My parents are leaving tomorrow, and I’m catching a ride to the airport with them. I’ll be in New York by tomorrow morning.”

Wait, hold on! “You can’t just dump this on me and walk away, Rheo!”

“Actually, I can, Fletch. All you’ve said, over and over, is that we won’t work,” Rheo told him, her expression and voice dignified. “I’m not going to beg you to love me, plead with you to find space for me in your life. I did that with my parents, and I deserve better.”

Rheo placed her hand on his arm and stood on her tiptoes to kiss the side of his mouth. When she dropped back to her feet, she squeezed his arm. “Have a good life, Fletch. And, for God’s sake, be careful. I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you.”

Rheo hauled in a deep breath, turned, and walked away.

And Fletch watched his heart leave with her.

Fourteen

On Rheo’s second day back at work, her third Fletch-free day, Nicole assigned her a simultaneous translation for a Spanish delegation taking part in a preliminary discussion on worldwide fishing rights and quotas.

It was, she knew, her boss’s way of tossing her into the deep end.

Taking a seat in her booth, Rheo adjusted her microphone and wondered why she wasn’t feeling nervous. It could be because, compared to feeling broken-hearted and emotionally shattered, she had no bandwidth left to feel nervous about translating. She missed Fletch with every part of her, from the tips of her toes to the ends of her hair.

Having no memories of being with him in the city, she’d believed she wouldn’t miss him as much here, but it didn’t make any difference at all. She missed their connection, their conversations—both silly and serious. She longed to hear his voice, be warmed by his laugh. Yes, she missed the sex, but she missed him more.

She missed her friend, her lover, the flip side of her coin.

Rheo looked at her watch, saw she still had five minutes before the meeting started, and put her head in her hands. She wasn’t even worried about talking to Paddy anymore; she’d messed up, and Paddy either accepted her explanation or she didn’t. Rheo wasn’t going to put a knot in her stomach anticipating her grandmother’s reaction. She loved Paddy, but she wasn’t going to live her life anxious for her grandmother’s approval.

Compared to missing Fletch, nothing else affected her emotional landscape. She missed everything about him...

Sure, having a relationship with him would have been difficult. Yes, they wouldn’t see each other for months at a time, but what was the alternative? Not seeing each other at all? That was unacceptable to her... But he was terrified of the love she’d offered him.

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