Page 82 of Fall at Once

“Nothing. I might need a backup with this one. And I’m frustrated. Sorry for stirring up a fuss.” She jerked her head toward me as her hands were still full.

“You got it, Gigi. Understandable, Cole can do that to a person.” He sat back and put his feet on the railing. “We’ve been trying to talk some sense into this knucklehead since we arrived.”

Basil finished his business and happily pranced to the porch to sit at Gigi’s side.

“What in the heck were you thinking?” she demanded, plopping the casserole dish on the table near the front door and then taking the chair at the edge of the porch.

Basil hopped into her lap and curled against her, ready to relax after desecrating my lawn.

“I’m not completely sure,” I answered. “I didn’t intend to break up with her. I mean, I don’t think I did. It wasn’t clear what we had?—”

“He keeps saying he doesn’t know what he wants,” Tateinterjected. “Which is total bullshit.”

“That’s what I thought. Listen to me, Cole, this won’t get easier, but you will get stronger. You’ve been hurt.”

“Being strong has nothing to do with this,” I argued. “Madi deserves more. That’s the bottom line.”

Tate threw up his hands in frustration. “I see we have gotten nowhere.”

“No. She saw you for who you are, Cole.”

I shook my head. “No. I don’t know what she saw, but it wasn’t me.”

“She saw you, the real you. I see you. Tate sees you. Quinn sees you. This whole damn town sees you. You lost sight of yourself. That’s your problem.”

“She’s right. What Sherry did messed you up. Hell, it would shake anyone’s confidence. Give yourself a break for once in your life.”

“I’ve become a fuckup since Sherry left. Fighting in public, getting into stupid accidents.” I gestured to my injured arm. “I should have never started anything with Madi, at least not until I was better. I’m a mess, and she deserves the world, not some small-town, divorced single fool who resorts to picking bar fights to get his anger out.”

“There it is!” Gigi clapped her hands together. “None of that isyou.Do you think anyone thinks badly of you for knocking Todd’s stupid ass out?”

My mouth dropped open. I had no answer for that.

“He deserved it,” Quinn chimed in. “In fact, he deserved waymore, and so did Sherry. I mean, it’s good you didn’t knock her out. That’s not what I was getting at. But you’ve been far too kind to those two, considering the level of betrayal they perpetrated on you.”

“But I hit someone, Quinn. I resorted to violence. I tell my kids not to get into fights. That makes me a hypocrite?—”

Tate stopped me. “No one in Bookers that night judged you; I can promise you that. Before you got there to meet us at the Fire Brigade table, the whispers going around were about howtheyshould be the ones to leave, not you. I tried telling you that?—”

Gigi held up a hand. “You’re not a hypocrite, honey. You’re supposed to tell your kids not to solve their problems with their fists; it has to be in the proverbial parenting rule book somewhere, right? But sometimes you just have to lay an asshole out, Cole. Hit first and ask questions later. It’s the only way. Todd had it coming.” The words were matter-of-fact and spoken with her usual sweet voice. It was shocking coming from someone I’d always seen as a proper grandmother, an authority figure.

“Are you saying—? Do you think I’m being too hard on myself?”

“Jesus Christ,” Tate burst out. “Yes!”

“Yes, honey, that’s exactly what I’m saying. You’ve been through a lot, none of which was your fault. And you’ve always been too hard on yourself since you were a little boy. You’ve handled all of this better than most people would. Please, give yourself some credit.”

I felt absolved. I’d been carrying around the humiliating shame of my actions for so long that I’d let what happeneddefine me.

“Prove to Madi that she wasn’t wrong about you,” she continued. “You deserve to be loved, and my granddaughter deserves the best. And in case you’re not hearing me and your brothers. The best isyou. You are perfect for each other.”

“But I…but she…I think I broke things off with her. I don’t exactly remember all that I said, to be honest.”

“You have some work to do, bro,” Quinn muttered.

I flicked my wrist to check the time. “It’s late.”

“That it is,” Gigi confirmed. “She’ll be back in Colorado Springs by now. She packed a bag and took off.”

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