Page 75 of Fall at Once

“Yeah, I’m fine. Kind of. I mean, I’m alive, I guess. But back up a second. Hospital? Is everything okay with you?”

“It’s not me. Cole got burned. He’s going to be fine.”

“Okay, that’s good. I’m glad to hear it. But you don’t look fine. At all.”

“I overheard some things, but I’m refusing to freak out untilI know more. I have to talk to him about stuff. Madison 2.0 does not bury her feelings and let things fester until they explode. But she can also read a room. Timing is everything.”

She patted the cement next to her, and I sat.

“That’s good. I overheard a whole bunch of shit, too, and I’ve totally lost my mind. Cut to me sitting in an alley waiting for the midnight baker to come out so I can jump his bones. I need to get over Drew. Immediately. Like, right now. I have got to get him out of my mind.”

I nudged her shoulder with mine. “Ah, the whole get under someone new to get over another someone old thing. Is that it?” I kept it light. Kenzie would spill her guts to me if, and only if, she was ready. It was best to let her tell me whatever had happened to set her off tonight on her own time.

“Exactly. You get me. Now, get lost. I can’t seduce him if you’re here.”

I side-eyed her. “I wouldn’t count on seducing him out here. Dumpsters are not sexy. But at least this one isn’t on fire.”

“You’re right. I’m miserable. I don’t know what to do.”

“Do nothing. Hang with me. Neither one of us needs to do anything tonight.” I leaned into her side. “I’m pretty miserable right now, too. I’m falling in love with Cole. I know it for sure now. It’s happening.”

Her eyes shot to mine. “And that’s a bad thing? I don’t see how. Cole is awesome. I’ve basically been telling you this since you got here.”

“It’s a potentially bad thing when tonight, I overheard him saythat we are not serious, and he is never getting fucking married ever again.”

“Oh shit. And that’s all you want to do since forever ago. Playing Barbie’s with you was like being stuck in the nineteen fifties. Damn, that sucks.”

“Hey.” I nudged her shoulder with a laugh. “I’m not that bad.”

“Okay, fine. If the nineteen fifties included bank accounts for women, property ownership, and freedom—whatever. I know you were into Astronaut Barbie, too, but that’s not my point. Don’t pretend you don’t understand what I’m saying. You’re no trad-wife wannabe, but you want to have a family, Madi. And we both know why.”

“Yeah. I do. I want that—more than anything. I want to create everything I never got to have growing up. I want to be like Gigi. Is that a bad thing?”

“No, there’s nothing wrong with it. Everyone should be able to choose what they want.”

“And you still want Drew. Right?”

“Yeah, but I can’t have Drew. I’m not that woman. Nobody cheats on me.”

“I know. Everything is stupid and frustrating right now. Let’s cry, maybe stomp around, or throw things. We can solve our problems like grown adult women tomorrow.”

She gestured to my tear-streaked face. “Cry? You mean keep crying, right?”

Taking note of her own puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks, I whispered softly, “Yeah, something like that.”

“Who says grown adult women aren’t allowed to be frustrated and cry?” She leaned her head on my shoulder.

“You’re right. We’re allowed to be upset.”

We sat, hugging each other, crying and shivering against the cold brick wall of the Confectionery.

There was a sourness sitting in the pit of my stomach that wouldn’t go away. I felt wretched about tonight. I shouldn’t have left him there. I should have been the one to drive him home and take care of him.

“I’m freezing my ass off out here. Maybe we should go up to your apartment.” Kenzie broke the silence in a strained tone. “Can I crash with you? I don’t want to be alone, and I don’t think you should be either.”

“Yeah, of course. I’m always here for you, Kenz. We’ll be okay in the morning. Or not. I don’t fucking know.”

Her burst of laughter lacked her usual humor. “I feel so comforted right now.”

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