Page 47 of Fall at Once

“That is not looking good.” Blood pounded in my temples as I struggled to maintain what was left of my composure. “Did youwant to do this publicly so I wouldn’t lose my shit?” Anger was singing the edges of my control as I struggled to contain it. I had never been this mad before.

“The thought crossed my mind,” he admitted. “I wanted you to listen to me. If we were alone, you’d probably storm off to pout like you sometimes do.”

My lips thinned at his chiding tone. “I?—”

“Listen,” he cut me off. “You’re upset, I can always tell, remember? Please try to understand this from my perspective. We’d been together for so long, we were, what? Four years into our relationship when I met Hanna. I didn’t want to throw all that history away on a mere possibility. You and I were so good together for a long time. It just started unraveling toward the end, is all.”

“You are seriously unbelievable.” My embarrassment and anger had turned to raw fury.

I lifted the shot glass in my hand and tossed the tequila at his chest. I would have picked his face, but I was familiar with his suit. It was his favorite, and it was expensive. He loved that fucking suit, the tie too. I’d given it to him on his twenty-ninth birthday; it was also expensive. I grabbed the second shot and tossed that one at him, too. But the third one was for me. I raised it in a silent toast, then tossed it back, smacking my lips at the tequila burn.

He drew back as if struck. “I thought I knew you, Madi. I can’t believe you’re reacting this way. I’m not a cheater?—”

“No, you don’t know me at all, and it’s clear to me now thatyou never did. I have to get out of here.” I climbed out of the booth, and he grabbed my arm and then stood at my side, towering over me with a determined look. I tried to pull away, but he held tight. “Let me go.”

“No, I can’t have you leaving this conversation thinking I’m a cheater. I have to make you understand first?—”

“I do understand. One hundred percent.” I tried to yank my arm away, but he wouldn’t let go. “I understand that I never want to see you ever again. I understand that you chose to string me along for five years—for your convenience, never mind what I wanted or how it would make me feel to have you constantly avoiding discussions about our future together. That is your mistake. Not mine. You live with it. I don’t forgive you. I’ll have my peace but won’t give you yours because I’ve given you enough.”

“Madi, please! I’m sorry, okay? I can see that I hurt you, and it’s not what I intended?—”

“No, Ross. Let me go.”

“I can’t. Not like this. We meant too much to each other to let it become this ugly.”

“I cannot believe you,” I sputtered, staring up at him in astonishment. “Like, I think I’m in actual shock right now.”

I didn’t want him back, but I wondered what was so fundamentally wrong with me that he would spend five years making me think we had a future together and, worse, that I’d believed it.

How could he do this to me?

How could I have beenso blind?

I would never be able to comprehend this kind of casual cruelty and selfishness. Maybe that’s why I had believed in him for all those years.

Who could do such a thing and be able to live with it?

And why would he think a chat in a bar would provide closure?Ridiculous.

And his explanation?It was laughable.

And the thought that we could be friends after this?Zero fucking chance of that.

He had cheated on me, for fuck’s sake. Emotional cheating was real. How could he not see how serious that was?

I stopped struggling and stood there stupidly as my mind raced through all the ways I had been so fucking gullible and dumb.

For five years.

I shook my arm out of his grasp. I mindlessly crossed the dance floor toward the exit, not tracking my surroundings as I stewed over everything I’d discovered until I saw Cole sitting at a table with a few Cozy Creek Fire Brigade crew members and his brothers. Concern flashed across his face, and I shut my eyes against it.

Ross caught up to me and grabbed me again, turning me forcefully to face him.

“Please, Madi. Will you just listen to reason?”

My breath caught in my throat.

Could this be any more humiliating?

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