Page 35 of Fall at Once

“No, not you. You can’t give up. It’s not too late for you.”

“Yeah, I think it is.”

“Madi, no. You have a big heart and a lot of love to give. It was wasted on Ross. You’ll get your hope back once you move out of the pissed-off phase, unlike me, who will be pissed off for the rest of eternity. No one cheats on me and gets away with it. I’m bitter. I’m jaded as fuck now, and it’s never going away.”

I sent her a side-eye. She was mad, and she’d get over it, but arguing with her was useless. She was the most hardheaded person I’d met in my entire life.

“If Ross can trigger me with just a random thought and whatever news—that I don’t even know yet—coming from my sisters, then I’m a lost cause. I don’t want to put myself out there anymore. I don’t want to get hurt.”

“I beg to differ. Take that yellow dress you were wearing earlier today. I was with you when you bought it, and I know what it’s for. It’s a take-it-off-me-dress. You wore it for Cole, right? That equals subconscious hope, which means you still have it.”

“Maybe. Okay, I wanted to look cute in case I ran into him. But I didn’t want him to take it off. I don’t know what I want from him, and that’s my problem. Therefore, I now want nothing. It’s logical. If I can’t have love. Then I want logic.”

“Logic, shmogic—don’t be boring. You have plenty of time to decide what you want. But listen, I am the true face of hopelessness. Don’t be like me. There are no take-it-off dresses inmy closet anymore, and cute undies are a thing of the past. I’m wearing granny panties right now. I have no hope, and I’m all out of time, patience, and the will to tolerate any more bullshit from some dumb-ass man. I used to be like you—wearing cute clothes all the time, and cute undies too. But that was back when I thought getting laid was a possibility. Now I’m like, sweet, these come in a six-pack, and I get two more pairs for free. And I’m thinking these thoughts at Costco, Madi. I’m going to die alone. Just me and my jumbo-sized jar of cheese balls, sitting around in my granny panties, binge-watchingBridgertonon my couch. All alone. I’m done with love.”

“Oh, girl.”

“I know. It’s bad. Don’t let yourself turn out like me. You dumped your bonehead, and you’ll move on eventually. I’m still?—”

“Pining?”

“Fuck yes, I’m pining. But it will never work out with him. I can’t be with a cheater. And I can’t stand liars.”

“No. You’re right, and both are unacceptable. Did he really cheat, though? Are you sure? He seemed pretty earnest.”

“Thongs do not lie. Men do.”

“Yeah. I guess you have a point about that.”

“Plus, he won’t explain anything. He says he doesn’t know how it got there and expects me to trust him. Like, hello? Do thongs grow in Corollas? Do they pop up between the seats like freaking spring flowers? I think not. Thongs generally only find their way into a back seat when they’re bodily removed from someone’stush, in this case by a horndog, lying cheater. Am I right?”

“I mean, probably…”

“Good. We agree. Back to Cole.”

“Oh god.”

“I think Cole might be a good guy for real. One of the very few left in existence. He’s always in here, and I’ve gotten to know him and his kids. But I get not being ready to move on. I accept your reasoning, and it’s sound. I even agree with it. I’ll help you avoid him whenever he’s in here. There will be no more teasing. No more pressure. No more nothing.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“Not until you’re ready.”

“Oh, I won’t be.”

“But you will.”

“I won’t. I’m done too. You can come to Colorado Springs with me when I go back. We’ll be roomies; we can shop for caftans like Gigi’s and eat midnight cheesecake whenever we’re stressed out. I’ll bring the cats—the only men we need in our lives are Kenny and Victor. It’ll be great.”

She rolled her eyes. “Okay. We’ll see.”

“Yeah, we will. We’ll see me, still single as a Pringle when Gigi’s boot comes off, and you with your anger issues under control because we’re gonna work on that—riding off into the sunset to Colorado Springs. Together. Me. You. Three cats. Pow!”

“Enough, there is no way I’m moving to Colorado Springs. I am Cozy Creek for life. Born and bred, baby. I’m never leaving.”

“Okay…”

“As your friend, it’s my duty to comfort you. But as your cousin and blood-related family member, it’s also my duty to kick your ass into gear too. You got hurt, Madi. You can’t keep it all inside. Feelings fester if you don’t let them out. They’ll rot you from the inside. I don’t want that for you.”

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