Page 12 of Fall at Once

Had I ever truly loved her? What was love supposed to feel like anyway?

Our marriage had its fair share of trouble, but I had not realized until it was over how unhappy I had been.

The guilt ate at me constantly. I had no idea how I was supposed to feel.

“Wait up, man!” Tate shouted.

We’d made it to the park. I ran off the trail and slowed to a stop. My chest heaved as I panted, entirely out of breath. I leaned forward to put my hands on my knees.

“Damn, bro. You’re running like something is chasing you,” he accused when he finally caught up to me. “And we both know it’s not me.”

“Sorry,” I muttered without meeting his eyes. “I’m all keyed up this morning. Couldn’t sleep worth a shit.”

“It’s all good.” He lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. “Don’t give yourself a heart attack, okay?”

“I won’t. I’m fine. Let’s cool down andwalk to Gigi’s.”

“Yeah, you almost killed me. I should have just let you go.” He shoved my shoulder with a good-natured grin. “Listen, I’m here to talk about whatever had you hauling ass through town whenever you’re ready. We all are.”

“I’m fine. No need to talk.”

“Of course you’re fine. Denial is totally not your go-to method of coping with your problems.” Tate’s side eye had been perfected through the years. Even though he was the younger of my two brothers, he was the wisest in many ways.

“Whatever.”

I could admit—to myself—I could be a hothead. My temper sometimes got the best of me, no matter how hard I fought against it.

Our middle brother, Quinn, was similar to me in that regard. Poor Tate had years of practice playing peacemaker between us. Tate was a firefighter like me. Quinn was a mechanic and had taken over running our father’s auto shop in town—Sutter’s Cozy Creek Automotive. He’d been the one to pick up Madi’s VW.

“Will Madi be there? She’s going to work for Gigi, right?” I didn’t answer him as I stalked up the street, sick of this entire morning already. “Did I hit on a sore spot? I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s fine. And yeah, she’ll probably be there,” I bit out. “She’s moving into the empty apartment on the top floor.”

“Ahh, I see. So she’ll be around a lot then. Hmm.”

“Don’t get started. I had it bad enough from the kids already today. They seem to think I should ask her out.”

“Maybe you should. There’s nothing wrong with moving on.Sherry sure did.” He backed off with a shrug after catching the look on my face. “Or not. It’s all the same to me. But there’s no sense in waiting around?—”

“I’m not waiting around. Jesus, Tate. It’s over with her. After what she did to me, I’d never even consider taking her back?—”

“That’s not where I was going with this, but good to know.” His eyes softened in sympathy, which he knew I hated. “Nobody thinks you’re waiting around for her, Cole.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Let’s get out of here.” I ran off, not wanting to hear anymore, passing a few other runners on the trail.

“Will you slow the fuck down?” A gasping Tate huffed at my side when he caught up again. “We don’t have to talk about the divorce. I’m sorry I brought it up in the first place.”

I stopped in my tracks; I owed him an apology. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I acted like a jerk, and I have no excuse other than I’ve been so fucking exhausted lately. I hate it when the kids are gone. The house somehow seems to get bigger when they’re at Sherry’s. And when they’re home, I run myself ragged to make them feel like nothing has changed. But it has. Everything is different, and I don’t know how to act around them anymore. I don’t want them worrying about me, and I don’t want them to feel weird in their own house.”

“I get it. No more running. Let’s walk, or I’m going to drop dead.”

“Yeah, sorry about—everything.” We walked the rest of the jogging trail leading to the park’s edge to the sidewalk.

“It’s okay. I get you.” He slapped me on the shoulder before we rounded the corner toward Gigi’s. “You know I do. Change is hard, and you’re in an impossible situation. I don’t know what to say other than take it one day at a time and be there when they need you. That’s really all you can do.”

“You’re right. Thanks.”

“Of course I’m right. It’s what all of us have been doing to handle your grumpy ass. One day at a time.”

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