Page 90 of Acedia

“Agree to disagree,” Cora laughed. “What would you say if he proposed now, Iris?”

“Yes, of course. In a heartbeat. But I don’t expect that to happen—I imagine I hurt his feelings by rejecting him, and I understand why he wouldn’t want to put himself through that again.”

“Hurt his ego more like,” Jade scoffed. “He’s obviously still interested in you if he keeps coming back around. Have you asked him whether or not he’s going to try again?”

I hesitated. “I think I might be a coward. If he says no, then everything will change. We won’t be able to ignore the subject anymore. Maybe it’s better to just keep as much of him as I can get, and be satisfied with that rather than risk losing him entirely. Live in the moment, you know?”

“That does seem cowardly,” Jade agreed. There was a gentle thud, followed by a quiet curse word.

“That’s a very understandable fear,” Cora said softly. “But are you truly living in the moment and enjoying your time with him while this unresolved topic is hanging over your head? I get it—I don’t like having difficult conversations either—but if youlovehim…”

She left the words hanging in the air, and I made a quiet sound of frustration. “I do love him.”

“Yeah, you do!” Cora said enthusiastically, clinking her tea cup against mine on the table. “Then you’ve got to get your man. You can always propose to him, you know. That’s always an option.”

“Is it?” The idea had never occurred to me before. At least in the films that Nana had watched, that never seemed to come up as an option.

“Sure,” Jade replied. “Was his proposal romantic? Would you need to go all out to match it?”

I gnawed on my lower lip. “He was very enthusiastic and eager to ask the question as quickly as possible.”

“So, no then,” she laughed. “Well, something to think about, right?”

It was all I thought about. We finished breakfast, and I made my way to the nursery with the intention of teaching the children some nursery rhymes from my own childhood, but my head wasn’t in it.

I startled as Eadlin’s little claws landed on my head, patting my skull as she sometimes did.

“Are you looking for horns? I don’t have any, remember?”

She babbled something that sounded vaguely concerned, searching a little longer before playing with my hair instead.

“Oh!” I heard Yara exclaim, opening the door. “What’s this?”

“An instrument. For Iris,” someone grunted. I froze.

An instrument?

“Iris,” Yara called tentatively. “There’s a very large… thing here for you. It has strings.”

“A harp?” I breathed. “How did that get here?”

“I suspect I know who might have arranged such a thing,” she said, amused. “Shall we bring it over to you?”

“Okay.” I shifted to the edge of the chair, and Eadlin climbed off my lap, slipping into the gap behind me on the seat to play with my hair. It was a little risky, given her claws. Even though she was the youngest, Eadlin was usually the most careful with her claws.

I exhaled shakily, helping whoever was delivering the harp to situate it in the right position, adjusting my posture to accommodate it. Tentatively, I reached out, sliding my hands up and down the smooth, glossy wooden frame before running my fingers along the strings, and finding the pedals with my feet.

“How does it work?” Jonan asked, startling me. “Can I touch it?”

“Absolutely not,” Yara replied for me. “Only Iris can touch it.”

“Shall I play something for you?” I asked Jonan.

“Yes.” To my surprise—and probably everyone else’s—it wasn’t Jonan who replied, but Eadlin.

I twisted a little in my seat to smile at her. “Okay, then.”

Nana’s favorite piece of music had always been theWaltz of the Flowersfrom The Nutcracker, and after a few moments of orienting myself, I began to play. It wasn’t my best performance—I was rusty, and this harp didn’t feel quite the same as mine, but it wassonice to play again. To feel at ease and competent, and do something I was truly familiar with.

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