Page 53 of Acedia

I slowed so we could head toward the main foyer together, giving Tallulah a chance to catch her breath.

“I’m glad my presence there was useful.”

“Superuseful. I mean, I’ve got it under control,” she added hastily, seemingly worried that I’d question her competency. “But Sebastian responds better to authority figures, and you’re a prince. That’s just the truth of the matter. Can you come along to the next meeting?”

I glanced at her, trying to determine whether or not she was in earnest. “Yes. I could. I was going to suggest to Allerick that he should be attending.”

She frowned up at me, planting her hands on her hips. In many respects, Tallulah reminded me of a particularly strict nurse I’d had growing up. She was prettier and more colorful, but equally as intolerant of my bullshit.

“Why can’t you do it?”

I opened my mouth to respond before shutting it again. Whycouldn’tI do it? I had the time. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but Allerick was probably making it up as he went along at least half of the time. Why not me?

“There’s no reason I can’t. I’ll be there.”

Tallulah beamed, and I looked over her head to find Evrin smiling proudly at me too.

“Stop it,” I said to both of them sternly. “Those are the most patronizing smiles I’ve ever seen.”

“We’re just so proud of you,” Tallulah sighed dramatically, clutching her chest. “You’d be such a force to be reckoned with if you believed in yourself, you know.”

With that, they walked away, hand in hand and disgustingly cute.

Believed in myself? I believed in myself. Didn’t I?

I was great. I was funny and charming and strong. That wasallI was, but Ibelievedthat I was all of those things.

Tallulah didn’t know what she was talking about. I believed in myself just fine. It was everything else that was the problem.

Chapter 17

“Do you want to come for a walk outside with me?” Meera asked. “I know you like to go to the nursery in the mornings, but just if you wanted a little change of scenery…”

“I would love to, thank you.” She hovered as I got myself ready, leashing Tilly since we were going outside. I doubted she’d bolt, but it never hurt to be careful. “Are we going somewhere in particular?”

“I started a vegetable garden at Elverston House. I need to go tend to it, but I thought you might want to come. You know, get to know the grounds a little more. Maybe meet some of the new ex-Hunters if they come out? They’re… shy.”

“They’reallshy?” I confirmed, sliding my feet into my shoes. Meera was shy, but I wouldn’t describe any of the others that way. I had thought of her as an anomaly among Hunters.

“A lot of them weren’t properly included in the Hunters. For a variety of reasons,” Meera said awkwardly.

I frowned, turning over the words in my head.

“Are they… like me?”

Meera was silent for a long while. “They are people who have limited participation within the Hunters for a variety of reasons.”

They were the rejects. The outcasts. I’d heard about them. Nana had always reminded me how lucky I was that Moriah let me live at home, instead of being sent to wherever they were. Or ending up in service at someone else’s home, the way Carla had. Since the first time I got here, I felt truly nervous at the prospect of meeting someone.

What if they resented me because I hadn’t been sent away like they had? Nana said the places they went to were horrible, and made me repeat how grateful I was that Moriah shielded me from that.

“Maybe I could meet them later?” I suggested nervously, smoothing down the itchy fabric of my skirt. I was feeling sort of nauseous at the thought.

“Of course. Sorry. I didn’t even… I didn’t even think. Um, we could walk around the palace gardens if you like? It’s right here in front of us.”

“Sure. Yes. It’s nice to get some fresh air.” I had the small courtyard attached to my room, of course. But that was sort of Tilly’s domain now.

“Okay. Well, this is the garden. The palace is circular, you’ve probably noticed the corridors curving inward, right? They spiral toward the center. The garden has a similar layout, lots of curving garden beds with paths in between. If you follow it allthe way until the end, you’ll get to the barracks where the Guard stays. Elverston House is down a path to the right.”

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