Page 43 of Acedia

I laughed, helping myself to a cake. Leaving the realm wasn’t an option—unlike Verity, I wouldn’t maintain my corporeal formonce I was out of the shadow realm. Icouldmove to a different region—there was family property on my mother’s side I could challenge a cousin for.

But if I ran away, Iris might feel bad. She was sweet and kind and good, and I didn’t want to make her feel for a single second like she’d done anything wrong.

“I’m not going to do that. I was thinking perhaps that while Iris is searching for her place here, I could do more with mine? Embrace the authority that has been bestowed on me, and such. Be more… involved in things.”

Verity nodded in understanding. “Begin your healing journey, totally. I love that for you.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of find some form of employment.”

She wrinkled her nose. “I mean, I guess you could do that too. Maybe you could be Theon’s assistant? The Elders really want him to ramp up his portable-in-between orb production.”

“That’s very kind of you, but I suspect we would duel within minutes of working together.”

“True.” Verity nodded, tilting her head to the side thoughtfully. “I can’t really see you in a practical job anyway. You’ve got more of that middle management vibe, you know?”

“No.” I only ever understood about half of every conversation I had with her—unlike the others, Verity didn’t go out of her way to use references that Shades would understand. I was fairly confident she just said whatever words popped into her head the moment that they appeared there.

“You know—charming and personable and able to present well and talk about maximizing efficiencies, but not really qualified to do anything.”

“I can’t decide if I should be offended by that or not.”

She laughed. “Not everyone can be charming and hold a conversation with whoever they meet—thatisa talent. Neither of your brothers have it.”

I leaned back in the seat, mulling over her words and wondering if she’d let me take this very soft, comfortable blanket with me. She wasn’t wrong—neither of my brothers were capable of maintaining a conversation that went beyond a few sentences.

When I thought about Iris’s description of having a cause and adding value, my chatty nature didn’t really seem like enough though.

“You’re overthinking things,” Verity observed, watching me closely. “That’s a surefire way to drive yourself crazy. And I get it—because I’d definitely be doing the same thing—but you did jump in pretty hot with proposing right away. How did you leave things with Iris?”

“She still wants us to be friends.”

“Good. Be her friend. Focus on yourself. Figure out who you want to be. The rest will fall into place when it’s meant to.”

“You sure about that?”

Verity tipped her chin up confidently. “Of course I am. Trust me, I’m a duchess.”

Chapter 14

Eadlin’s little hands landed on my knees right before she started to climb onto my lap. I sucked in a breath of surprise, grabbing her under the armpits and hauling her up before she could dig her claws in for better grip.

“Remember what I said about asking if you want to come and sit on me?” I reminded her gently. “Then I can pick you up and make sure that neither of us gets hurt.”

She babbled something to me in whatever Shade language she spoke, immediately snuggling into me. It was probably wrong to play favorites, but Eadlin was definitely my favorite little Shade in the nursery. I think she had been since that very first visit with Damen when she’d played with my hair.

I’d only been visiting regularly for a week, but she was sweet and affectionate, and often came to sit with me to hide out when the other children were roughhousing.

From what one of the staff had said in an offhand way, Eadlin’s parents were palace employees rather than courtiers. They weren’t explicit about it, but I got the impression that meant Eadlin wasn’t expected to be a very powerful Shade when she grew up like little Jonan would be.

I wondered what that meant for her. She was growing up around future courtiers—would they ignore her someday because she’d be considered beneath them? Surely, the lines of delineation weren’t that strict.

“Have you had a good day, Eadlin?” I asked. It felt silly to speak to her in a language she didn’t understand, but the nursery staff had insisted that she’d pick it up quickly—Shades seem to have a real natural talent for languages—and that I should keep talking to her.

Eadlin mumbled something, her horns digging uncomfortably into my chest as she wriggled into a comfortable position. Shade mothers must be made of much stronger stuff than I was.

Though, I could adjust,I thought absently. If I had children of my own someday. I’d always liked that idea.

I probably shouldn’t have said no to the only person—or Shade—who’d ever wanted to marry me.

---