Page 40 of Acedia

“No,” I replied, startled. “Can you?”

“Yes. I’m very strong. Feel that?” After a moment, I realized that, yes, I could feel something. It had never occurred to me that children would be able to do that.

“Can all young Shades do that?”

“Only powerful Shades like me,” Jonan replied. The tone of his voice reminded me of my brothers, back when they were young. They’d been a little grandiose then—I understood that now—but they hadn’t been cruel. That had developed with time. “All the Shades who live here at court can. They’re the important ones.”

“Surely, everyone is important,” I said, pushing back gently. “We all have something to offer. Something that makes us who we are.”

There was a shuffling noise, followed by a tapping sound. I hazarded a guess that Jonan had sat on the floor and was drumming his claws on it.

“Did you know that there’s a Shade with no horns who lives here? And he came to dinner with all the important Shades and someone said he was trying to court an ex-Hunter. My mother says that’s really bad.”

“Why is that bad?”

“Because he’s broken. Why should a broken Shade get their own ex-Hunter? That’s not right. That’s what my mother always says.”

I swallowed thickly, wondering if I’d made the worst mistake of my life in coming here. Maybe I’d been too ambitious. Maybe I’d been too optimistic. Would the Shades here only ever seemeas broken?

It probably was a good thing that I’d turned down Damen’s proposal. I don’t know what he’d been thinking when he’d asked, but it can’t have been of the opinions of the wider court. I doubted any of them would want him to be married to a broken ex-Hunter.

“What if that ex-Hunter loves him?” I asked softly. “She probably wouldn’t care that he has no horns. You can’t choose who you love.”

At least, I was pretty sure you couldn’t. That’s what all the movies had seemed to imply. I was second-guessing everything I thought I knew about love now.

Jonan made a retching sound, mercifully breaking the tense moment. “I’m never going to love anyone. That’s disgusting.”

I laughed in spite of my flat mood. “I’m sure it’s lovely.”

“No, I don’t think so,” he replied decisively. Tilly yawned loudly and I heard Jonan shuffle closer. “What’s your beast called?”

“Her name is Tilly. She’s a… guide dog,” I said hesitantly, remembering what Lucas had said about guide dogs. She guidedme, did that count? “She helps me get around.”

“She has pointy teeth like me,” Jonan announced, making me pause.

“You have pointy teeth?”

Damen must have forgotten to mention that in his tour of his face.

“Yup. Want to feel?”

“Jonan!” someone scolded, making me startle. I hadn’t realized there was anyone nearby. “Were you going to bite her? What are you thinking?”

“I wasn’t!” he objected. “I was just going to ask if she wanted to touch my teeth. That’s allowed.”

“It certainly is not.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Well, why not?”

Tilly rolled over, flopping onto my feet with an exasperated huff, and I did my best not to smile as I leaned back in the chair. It had been averystrange day, but a visit to the nursery was the perfect balm for an unsettled spirit.

Chapter 13

“Why are you in my workshop?” Theon demanded, straightening from whatever odd experiment he’d been hunched over to glare at me. “Who let you in?”

“Your mate.”

Theon huffed. “She knows I hate company.”

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