Page 39 of Acedia

I needed to… to be somewhere else. Not right here, in this room where that strange interaction had just taken place. Ithad me feeling jittery and out of sorts. I felt like I’d handled everything wrong. Had I handled it wrong? I probably had.

Damen probably hated me now.

Oh, I wished Nana was here to tell me what to do.

“Come on, Tilly,” I whispered, patting my thigh to encourage her over. She huffed a little and yawned loudly and pointedly before eventually making her way over to my side, booping my hand with her wet nose. “Shall we go for a little explore? I think we should. Stay close, okay?”

“Iris, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

A little shiver ran down my spine as I let Tilly and myself out of the room, closing the door behind me. Damen hadproposed.

PrinceDamen.

And I’d said no.

I tamped down the slightly hysterical giggle that wanted to escape. Who on earth did I think I was, rejecting a marriage proposal from a prince? I was a nobody. A burden that even my own family hadn’t wanted to deal with. It was absurd that I should say no to marrying anyone, wasn’t it? I should be falling down on my knees, grateful that he’d even considered me. That was what Nana would have said, if she could have gotten past the fact that Damen wasn’t human.

My head was telling me that I was an idiot and I’d made a decision that I would regret for the rest of my life. But my heart, or my gut, or my intuition—whatever it was—had taken the lead in that conversation. And it had said loud and clear that it wasn’t a good idea. That it was the easy option but not necessarily the best one. He’d said helovedme. That couldn’t possibly be true, could it? I liked Damen. There was a fluttery feeling in my stomach when I was around him that made me think I liked him in a romantic way even.

But I didn’t love him. Not yet.

And even if I did, I wanted to be self-sufficient here. I wanted my life to havemeaninghere. It would be all too easy to let myself justbesomeone’s wife—especially if that someone was the prince of the realm. And Damen was incredible—kind, and cheerful, and confident. And I was attracted to him based on what I’d felt when he’d let me touch him.

Maybe I had made a mistake.

No, no. I had to learn to stand on my own two feet first.

“Do you need some help?” someone asked, startling me. “Sorry. I’m Andrus. I’m a member of the Guard.”

“Oh, right,” I replied hesitantly, trying to decide if I was in trouble or not. The silence lingered for a moment, and he didn’t tell me to go back to my room or anything, so I decided to push on. “I was hoping to visit the nursery.”

“Really?” he asked dubiously. “You know that there are children there?”

“Yes.” I laughed lightly. “It would be a little odd if there wasn’t, no?”

He grunted. “I guess we all have different interests. I’ll escort you there if you like; it’s only around the corner.”

Andrus didn’t seem very interested in talking, so it was a quiet journey to the nursery, though the noise picked up significantly when we got there. He didn’t stick around, but the nursery staff immediately made me feel welcome, guiding me to sit in one of the comfortable chairs. Tilly came in with me this time, despite me instructing her to stay outside. Maybe she didn’t feel as confident leaving me on my own without Damen here.

I didn’t know how to feel about that.

“This is the quiet corner,” one of the Shades said, raising her voice to be heard over the excited chatter of children. I wondered what the loud corner was like. “Is it okay if the children come and visit with you? They were so excited when you came last time—they’ve talked about you nonstop.”

“Of course, yes. I would love that.”

“We’ll make sure they don’t all swarm you this time,” she added with a light laugh.

“Hello,” a small voice said, tapping me on the arm, careful not to use claws. “Can you see me? My cousin says your eyes don’t work.”

“That’s true, they don’t. I can hear you, though.” I touched his hand lightly. “And feel you. What’s your name?”

“Jonan. What’s yours?”

“Iris.”

Jonan harrumphed as though he was deciding whether that was an acceptable answer or not.

“Can you make shadows, Iris?” he asked eventually.

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