Page 38 of Acedia

“And I like touching you.”

“The feeling is mutual,” I assured her, wondering if we could do some of that soon.

“But marriage seems like a slightly extreme reaction,” Iris said, shaking her head. “Don’t you think? We barely know each other.”

She… what?

“Are you… are you rejecting me?” I asked, thoroughly failing to keep the disbelief out of my voice. I was the most eligible bachelor in the entire realm! I’d never had any interest inproposing to someone before, but I’d also never envisioned anyone sayingno.

“That seems like a harsh way of phrasing it,” Iris replied with a wince. “It’s not so much a rejection as a discussion.”

“Iris,” I began, dragging a chair close to hers and sitting down. “Please, explain this to me. I don’t understand. I love you.”

She frowned again. “Damen, you barely know me. You’re very nice—the absolute sweetest. I’m sure that if we were to marry, I would enjoy your company very much.”

I’m good in bed too, I almost said, containing the words at the last minute. It would be entirely reasonable for Iris to be concerned about that since we hadn’t been intimate, and it was tempting to offer her some reassurance that I would take care of her inallregards, but I wasn’t confident the words would be well received.

“But I’m still finding my feet in the shadow realm. Figuring out who I am and where I belong.” She hesitated for a moment. “The freedom I have now… It’s more than I ever thought I’d experience in my life.”

“You wouldn’t be giving that up by becoming my wife, Iris. You would be aprincess.”

She smiled wryly, and I suspected that might have been precisely the wrong thing to say. What was wrong with me? I was usually so suave.

“I’m not princess material—not from what I know of princesses anyway. I don’t have any causes to champion. I don’t have any knowledge of value to offer. I haven’tcontributedanything. Those things are important to me, Damen. Surely, you understand that feeling?”

Not really, no. I was the crown prince. That was the entirety of who I was and what I did. I didn’t champion causes or offer valuable knowledge, and no one seemed to mind. Well, maybe Allerick and Soren, but they complained about everything.

“You didn’t misinterpret anything,” I rasped, standing and taking a step back. I felt as though I’d been hit square in the chest with a blunt instrument, that my very bones were rattling from the impact. “I misinterpreted things. Or I chose to interpret them in a way that suited my own narrative. I’m sorry, Iris. That was wrong of me.”

Her scent soured instantly as she frowned up at me. “I’ve upset you—”

“No. I mean, that’s not something you need to be worried about. My emotions are my responsibility, Iris.”

“Will… will you still come visit with me sometimes?” she asked, her voice a little smaller than usual. The pain in my chest turned into something sharper and more acute.

What was this feeling? It was more than just rejection, but I couldn’t quite place what exactly was bothering me.

“If you would like that, then of course I will.”

“Of course I want that, Damen,” she said fervently, the worry clear in her expression. “You’re my closest friend.”

Some of the tension I was carrying eased a little at that pronouncement. I’d been so thoughtless in proposing—it had never occurred to me that Iris would say no. What if she hadn’t wanted to be friends still? I would have lost something I’d come to cherish because I hadn’t taken a second to think about the potential consequences of my actions.

“And you’re mine,” I promised her. “But I am going to leave you to your knitting now—I suspect I won’t be very good company today.”

“Okay,” Iris said quietly. “I hope you’ll come back soon.”

“I will.”

After I tended to my wounds a little first.

Chapter 12

That… hadn’t been how I’d expected my morning to go.

The knitting sat abandoned on the dining table as I crossed the room, my fingers drifting over the piles of clothing until I found the one with the sweaters and felt out the softest, fluffiest one. It wasn’t particularly cold today—it didn’t seem to get that cold here—but I wanted the comfort of the extra layer of fabric to cocoon me from the world.

Especially since I didn’t want to stay here in my room. It was a perfectly nice room, but it was feeling a little claustrophobic now. I hadn’t explored on my own yet, but everyone had been so kind—surely they would give me some directions if I got lost? It was a risk worth taking. I needed air.

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