Page 47 of Ira

“I guess so. I don’t really understand that side of things. It’s not lost on the Hunters, though, that the Shades are bargaining for access to a source of power that they’ll literally die without—either Hunter desire or human fear. However weak the Hunters Council’s position gets, they’ve always got that advantage.”

Verner’s shadowy form rippled next to me, a clear sign of his agitation. It was pretty bleak, hearing it laid bare like that.

“There are a lot more ex-Hunters in the shadow realm now,” I pointed out, hoping to ease his discomfort.

Harlow hummed in agreement, though her eyes said plenty. None of the group that Cal Thibaut had sent over were in a position where they wanted to contribute to the energy stores—they never even left Elverston House. Perhaps he thought they’d be a burden and that the king would resent them. Or maybe that it would sow discord between him and Ophelia. Fortunately, noone seemed to have a problem with them being there, or at least they hadn’t said as much within earshot of myself or any of the others.

“What else has changed since I was last there?” Harlow asked curiously as we finished up our meals and she cleaned up.

Hm, what had changed since the very beginning when we’d all first arrived in the shadow realm?

Everything. Everything had changed.

The very land itself had changed, filled with vibrant bursts of color that hadn’t existed before we’d moved there. The attitudes toward us had changed—some growing more open to our presence there and seeing us more as a fixture of the realm than interlopers. For others, they’d beenverykeen to have us there, but in a way that felt pretty objectifying at first. That had changed for the most part too. Obviously, it wasn’t perfect, but the more we’d found our own footing in the shadow realm, the more we seemed to be recognized as individuals with the ability to do more than just generate power.

“I’m not sure you’d recognize the place,” I replied eventually. “The colorful flowers. The vegetable garden outside Elverston House. The new faces around the palace and beyond—Austin performs all over the realm.” I watched Verner for a moment, absorbed in the floating, rippling movement of his shadows. “It’s not perfect, but I think we’re building something pretty great.”

It bothered me that I’d never acknowledged that in the past. That I’d been so focused inward that I’d never taken the time to look around and realize how much things had changed, and how much we’d all been a part of that. How muchI’dbeen part of that. In the human realm, I’d just floated through life barely touching the sides.

In the shadow realm, I was part of something. I’d made a difference—even if it was just growing vegetables, though I hoped I could eventually do more.

Thiswould make a difference. Hopefully, one for the better.

“Harlow, I don’t suppose you have a phone I could use?” I cleared my throat. “Ideally, one that, you know, can’t be traced.”

Harlow sighed dramatically, though her lips twitched like she was trying not to smile. “I don’t mean this to be offensive, but you’re a lot more interesting than I first gave you credit for.”

“I’m confident you won’t be the only one saying that after all this is said and done,” I mumbled, face heating with embarrassment. Being boring and unmemorable had been a feature, not a bug. It had kept me out of trouble, and beneath anyone’s notice.

It was a protective instinct, and it had served me well. But I’d outgrown it now. Now was the time for change.

Harlow hummed, watching me for a long moment. “Hold on, I’ll get you a phone.”

Harlow ended up lending me her van and some money as well, and once it was dark out, Verner and I loaded up—him in the back, which she usually used for transporting equipment, safely ensconced in the dark—while I drove.

The burner phone felt heavy in my pocket, but I hadn’t used it yet. Before I called Adela, I wanted to make sure that I’d collected as much evidence as possible, which meant I had a pit stop to make first. If I was going to do this, I was going to commit to it wholeheartedly.

Would I see Latika tonight? I couldn’t decide if I wanted to or if I didn’t. If it didn’t go well, there would be something very final in it. She wouldn’t be a confused kid this time, begging for me to stay. She was twenty years old, and as far as I knew, had been entrenched in Hunter ideology the entire time.

Who knew what she’d think of me now.

“I hope you’re okay back there,” I said, speaking to Verner through the cab wall. “I really hate that we can’t speak to each other.”

Silence. Because of course that’s all there was. I contemplated turning on the radio so I had some noise to keep me company, but I’d never been a super confident driver, and I felt even less sure of it now after taking a long hiatus from being behind the wheel.

The roads weren’t exactly busy this late, but they still felt much louder and scarier than anything in the shadow realm.

“Maybe I should just keep talking?” I suggested. “I feel like this must be really boring for you—the least I can do is keep you company as best I can.”

After some hesitation, I said the words that had been weighing on my mind since I’d stupidly kissed Verner all those weeks ago. The words he’d generously let me off the hook from saying by not bringing it up and letting me pretend that nothing had changed.

It wasn’t a facade we could maintain forever. I’d thought it was going to crumble when he was manhandling me into that tunnel thing and I’d slid down his body. Just the memory of it sent a shiver down my spine—if the circumstances had been less stressful, my scent would have been broadcasting just how much I enjoyed that loud and clear.

“It was really lovely of you not to bring up the kiss. You’re so kind, you know. So careful not to push a subject if you think it might upset me, and in the beginning of our friendship, I really needed that. It was probably the only reason our friendship was able to get to the point where it is now. You made me feel so… safe. But I think we’re beyond that now. We have to be. You’ve got to feel comfortable speaking openly and honestly to me, and I need to put on my big girl pants and deal with that. No more freezing. No more running.”

I blew out a long breath, my hands tightening on the steering wheel. It was still cowardly of me to be having this conversation while Verner couldn’t talk back, but in my mind, it was progress.

“I’m sorry for kissing you. Or, at least, I’m sorry for kissing you like that. For not talking about it with you first. I’m not sure I’d have even known how to bring it up, but it was wrong of me to just go in without us discussing it—honestly, I don’t even know what I was thinking. Maybe I just read the situation wrong or something. Whatever feelings I have for you… I mean, our friendship comes first. That’s the most important thing to me,” I finished clumsily. Was it hot in here? It felt hot in here.

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