Page 41 of Ira

In my head, I saidof course I’m fine. I’m just getting some fresh air. Isn’t it pretty out here? What a lovely day.

I soothed, and I deflected, and Verner went about his day, his mind totally at ease.

But that wasn’t what I said out loud.

“I want to go back to the human realm.”

“You want to… what?” he repeated, reeling back. “Meera, what’s happened? Did someone hurt you? Give me their name. I’ll see that justice is done myself. There’s no need to leave—I can keep you safe here.”

Oh, I believed him. If I asked Verner to, he’d probably give up his entire career to become my personal bodyguard. Not because I meant that much to him—that was a crazy thought—but because he was so honorable, he’d never walk away from someone in need. He’d never ignore a request for help, even if that request was patently absurd.

And I was about to exploit that generosity.

“No one. It’s not about that. There’s just something I need to do in the human realm. I can find someone else to take me—”

“Meera, I will take you,” Verner said firmly. “I wouldn’t entrust the task to anyone else. But tell me why you need to do this,please. It’s dangerous. It’s… well, it’s not technically banned any longer. Not for me. But visiting the human realm is still considered an extraordinary risk.”

Guilt squirmed uncomfortably in my gut. “You’re right, it is. You shouldn’t take me. It’s not worth it. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

He watched me expectantly for a long moment before sighing. “You didn’t say you’re not going to go.”

Should I lie?I didn’t think I could. Not to Verner. Something about him had me spilling all my truths.

“I’m definitely still going to go.”

Verner sighed, but it wasn’t in irritation—more like resigned acceptance. And yet I still didn’t feel like a burden in his presence like I did with most people. More like a minor, and hopefully still endearing, inconvenience. “Then I am definitely taking you there. Just help me understand why you need to do this.”

How was I meant to answer that? How could I explain that I’d spent the last decade of my life being torn in two as shame and anger warred for dominance in my head? Shame had kept me away all these years. Anger was taking me back.

And, perhaps, not a small amount of stubbornness.

You’re not a fighter, Meera. You don’t rock the boat.

We’ll see about that.

“Unfinished business,” I said eventually. “I thought I could let it go. That I could come here and move on, start a new life for myself. But I can’t, Verner. I can’t. I heard his name and…” My voice cracked and I cleared my throat, hating that I showed any sign of weakness. But hating it less than I would if it was anyone else, because Verner would never hold it against me. “He’s just living his life like he didn’t ruin mine. He’s still in a position of power in the Hunters. He hasmorepower now. He’s the lead on these new negotiations. And Iknowhim and Iknowhis character. I know how he accumulated the wealth that he has. There’s no one I would trust less at the negotiating table, and the outcome of these discussions matters so much. I was too young and too helpless to fight back then. I can fight back now.”

Was I making sense? Probably not. The words were spilling out of my mouth faster than my brain could arrange them into a logical structure.

Verner gave up trying to keep his distance, closing the gap between us. “Meera, are you talking about that man from your past? If you want to see him punished for what he did to you, then that’s what we’ll do.”

“Not we,” I said firmly, reining in my mental spiral instantly. “It’s too dangerous for you in the human realm. Just get me there and back before anyone knows you’re gone, and don’t tell them it was you who took me.”

“You know we can’t do that. They’ll panic if you disappear.”

Unfortunately, I could see the logic in that. I knew exactly how terrifying it was when one of my friends vanished from the realm—it wasn’t a new experience at this point.

“I’ll leave a note. They’ll all try to talk me out of it, and I have to do this. Ihaveto.”

“Did you try speaking to the others first?”

“They don’t get it,” I deflected. Ididtry to speak to Astrid, and she hadn’t gotten it. But I also hadn’t done a good job explaining myself because talking to her wasn’t as easy as it was as talking to Verner.

“I can’t say no to you, Meera,” Verner said, sounding slightly pained.

“I know.” I swallowed thickly, reaching out to tangle my fingers with his, careful to avoid his claws. “And I know I’m exploiting it. I’ll never ask you for anything else.”

“Don’t say that,” he replied sharply. “I want you to feel comfortable asking me for anything, whatever and whenever you need.”

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