Page 33 of Ira

I sucked in a breath at the sound of Verner’s gentle voice, my fight-or-flight instincts going into overdrive. He smoothly moved around until he was on the steps in front of me, a couplebelow, putting me at a height advantage over him and giving me plenty of space.

The urge to run dissipated like it had never been there.

“Hi, Verner.”

His mouth crooked up into a slightly ironic smile. Admittedly, I probably could have said something a little more enthusiastic than “hi.”

“Hi, Meera. Are you well?”

I opened my mouth to reply before closing it again. Oh god, what was that feeling? Was I about to cry? That would be so humiliating.

Verner stepped down another step, his smile sad. “I’ve upset you.”

“No,” I said quickly, moving forward. “No, you haven’t. I’ve upset me.”

“Were you walking to Elverston House?” he asked after a long pause. “Perhaps I could escort you there.”

“Just like the first time we met?” I replied hesitantly.

His smile grew a little less shaky. “Yes, exactly.”

“That would be nice.”

We fell into step beside each other, and while the ruined-everything-with-a-kiss awkwardness was still there, it wassonice to be in Verner’s company again.

“We should probably talk about it, right?” I said eventually.

Verner hummed in agreement. “Unless you’d prefer to keep avoiding me.”

“No, I wouldn’t prefer that.” We hadn’t avoided each other entirely—we’d found ourselves in the same place a few times and exchanged words. He’d been there after Verity came back, and there was no one I trusted with my friend more.

But it hadn’t been like it was, because I’d destroyed that. Not with the kiss—though that had been a terrible idea—but by running away. I’d fallen back on terrible habits, and avoided thethings that scared me. In this case, it was simply owning up to my own idiotic mistakes.

“I’m sorry—about everything. That whole afternoon…” I shuddered. “I wish I could take it all back. I wish we could go back to how things were. I’ve missed you like crazy, and I just feel sostupidabout the whole thing—”

“Don’t, Meera. Please.” He lightly rested his hand on my forearm, pausing for a moment to see if I’d pull away. “I’ve missed you too. We can forget all about it and go back to how things were. Of course we can.”

“Is that what you want?” I asked, looking up at him, relief and disappointment warring for dominance in my head.

“I want our midday meals together back,” Verner said firmly.

I nodded, my throat tight. “Me too.”

“I’m going to hug you now,” he warned, gently pulling me in, giving me time to move away. “I know you’re not fond of physical affection—”

“It’s okay when it’s you.”

I wrapped my arms around his back, startling at the faint tickling feeling of his shadows moving against my skin and trying not to contemplate whether they were actually acting as a barrier or whether I was essentially hugging a naked dude.

Definitely don’t think about that.

“You know I don’t actually live here anymore?” I said with a shaky laugh as we pulled away, resuming our slow walk down to Elverston House. “We might have to meet by the river for lunch instead.”

“Yes, you’re in the palace now. How are you finding it?”

“It’s… fine.”

Verner laughed, and it was the best sound in the world. “You hate it.”

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