Page 23 of Ira

“Not at you,” he gritted out. I nodded, though I wasn’t sure if he saw it.

“I started dating a guy. A Hunter my own age. I’d never had a boyfriend before. The man… well, he didn’t like it. For weeks, he tried to convince me to end it. I thought he was just looking out for me. An overprotective dad, or whatever.”

I’d been feeling mostly neutral until that point, retelling events almost as though they’d happened to someone else. But the embarrassment started to creep in now.

“What is that emotion?” Verner asked, inhaling deeply. That wasn’t helping matters.

“Shame.”

He made a sound of displeasure. “You should never feel shame, Meera. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

There was an odd, fizzing sensation in my stomach. It wasn’t a feeling I recognized. It might have been relief? No one had ever told me it wasn’t my fault before. My mother had explicitly said the opposite.

“That’s better,” Verner sighed, though I didn’t know what I’d done. “Though I suspect it’s short-lived, based on how this story is going.”

“Probably,” I agreed, rushing the next part because it was humiliating. “I suppose the crux of the issue is that this man was jealous that I, um, slept with my boyfriend.”

Why was that so hard to say out loud? If only I was a little more like Verity. She wouldn’t blush the color of beetroot just because she’d alluded to having sex one time.

“The man kept pushing and pushing until I admitted to it—I didn’t want to tell him, obviously. He was like mydad. When Ifinallydidtell him, he flew into a rage. Said I’d had no right. That I’d ruined myself by giving away something that I could never get back.” I swallowed thickly. “Something I should have been saving for him.”

I’dnevertalked about this. It was the kind of thing I’d intended to bring up in therapy if I ever got a job where my insurance covered it.

“Anyway, he yelled, and then he grabbed my blouse when I tried to leave, tearing it half off me. It was at Council Headquarters, and at that point, one of the staff walked in on us. He immediately lied and said I’d been coming on to him, that I’d been trying to seduce him for months, that I wanted nothing more than to destroy his marriage… I can’t remember all the details, but there was a lot. I was reported to the Council for misconduct and kicked out without anyone ever speaking to me directly or asking for my version of events. My mother was mortified and promptly kicked me out of the house. She told everyone she only had one daughter after that if the rumors are accurate. I’m sure they are.”

“That isawful,” Verner said, his low voice shaking with rage. “Please tell me that anyone involved ever faced some kind of justice.”

“No. He’s still close to the Council, as far as I know. My mother was promoted for disowning me so promptly. My then-boyfriend ended things, afraid of reprisal. He believed me, at least. He gave me his last two hundred dollars to help me get out of town.”

“Coward,” Verner muttered.

I laughed silently. “Yes, well, we can’t all have your integrity, though both of our worlds would be better if we did.”

There was far more to the story than that—the financial implications had been far-reaching, and I’d still been paying for my mistakes in a very literal sense right up until I’d come to theshadow realm. But I wasn’t sure I had it in me to delve into all of that right now, and I wasn’t sure Verner would really get it even if I did. They didn’t have social security numbers in the shadow realm.

We were both quiet for a long while, staring up at the sky. I could smell the food that Verner had brought us for lunch, but I doubted I’d be able to eat anything now after that conversation.

“Got any traumatic stories you want to share?” I teased, nudging his arm with my elbow and giving him what I hoped was a bright smile.

He frowned slightly. “Not really, and now I’m a little disappointed about it. I want to be vulnerable with you too.”

My heart melted into a puddle. “I’m glad you don’t, Verner. Very glad. You’re kind and wonderful, and not jaded like me.”

“You’re not jaded, Meera. You’re wary. Cautious. Those instincts probably served you well when you were left to fend for yourself at such a young age.”

I nodded, my throat tight. He was probably right about that, but I wasn’t sure they were serving me well now. Iwantedto build real and meaningful connections with people, and I couldn’t do that if my initial instinct was always to turn inward and bury every hint of feeling I had in an ironclad cage.

“Thank you for sharing all of that with me, Meera. I imagine it wasn’t easy for you to talk about. And, of course, that conversation stays between us.”

“Thank you,” I rasped. I’d already been debating how to ask him not to tell anyone else what I’d said, and he’d already thought of it.

Truly, if I could pick anyone and give them the kind of love that they deserved, it would be Verner. He was perfect in every single way.

And I had nothing to offer.

Chapter 7

It was a good thing that I was due for a training session that afternoon, because I had a lot of built-up anger to work out and standing at the entrance to the royal wing wasn’t going to cut it.

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