Page 21 of Ira

“How do you know that? Is it a scent thing?”

It couldn’t be an arousal thing. I’d been very intentionallynotthinking about that dream. And I’d chosen the most obnoxiously difficult garden bed to clear today that was still near enough to the border for Verner to hang out with me.

He hummed thoughtfully. “I only catch vague hints of your scent out in the open like this, surrounded by perfumed flowers. It’s the sort of… stomping that gives it away. And the more aggressive breathing. You usually breathe so calmly.”

I struggled not to laugh at that. Here I was thinking I’d been playing it cool when I was actually stomping around, heavy breathing all over the place.

Perhaps I wasn’t as smooth as I thought I was. Or perhaps Verner was just more attentive than I was accustomed to—definitely no one in my human-realm life ever noticed what mood I was in.

“Why don’t you lie down for a bit?” Verner suggested. “It’s a very pleasant day for sky watching.”

My arms and shoulders were burning slightly from holding up the loppers, which definitely made the idea of staring up at the shadow realm’s dark gray sky more tempting. But lying down next to Verner was potentially inadvisable, considering the incredibly inappropriate things I’d done to him in my sleep.

He’d been lying down then, too.

Stop it, Meera.

You’re an adult. You can handle this. It doesn’t have to be weird.

I set the loppers down on the low wall of the garden bed and crossed the invisible line to lie down next to Verner on the warm flagstones.

Itwasa pleasant day for sky watching, I thought, observing the swirling motion happening overhead. Not that I had any frame of reference—I couldn’t remember the last time I’d just laid back and watched the world go by. Probably not since I was a kid, and even then, memories of relaxing were few and far between.

Verner turned his head, pinning me with the full force of that golden-yellow gaze. Although his expressions didn’t give away what he was feeling as clearly as my breathing patterns apparently did, there was still something in it that had me wondering what was going through his head.

“What?”

“I didn’t expect you to lie next to me.” He watched me for a long moment. “I’m glad you did.”

I felt my face heat up as I struggled to come up with a justification he hadn’t asked for. It was odd for me to lie down right next to him when there were so many other spots available. Usually, I kept a little more distance between us. Though, whenever we sat by the river, we always leaned against the same tree. Sometimes our arms even touched.

“I get a little weird about physical closeness,” I said eventually. “Not just with you—with everyone. It takes me awhile to warm up to people. Tallulah definitely picked up on it, but I’m not sure Verity noticed. She’s a very touchy-feely person. It’s more affection than I’m accustomed to, but it’s also been kind of nice. She hasn’t really given me a chance to overthink it.”

“I hope you never feel any pressure with me, Meera. I noticed that you prefer having your own space and I’m very conscious of not encroaching on it, but you’re always welcome in mine.”

Deep breaths, deep breaths. He’s just saying it’s okay if I want to sit next to him. He’s not saying…

“How do you want me?”

I wasn’t even going to go there.

“Have I upset you?” Verner asked, turning to face me, his nose twitching slightly.

Oh good, my body had opted for panic smells instead of horny ones. That was easier to explain.

“No, not at all. I just didn’t realize my hang-ups were so obvious, that’s all.”

Verner frowned. “Not at all. You’re exceedingly mysterious, according to most Shades I’ve spoken with. If not a little… well, somber.”

I snorted, having heard the things Shades said about me. Our hearing wasn’t as acute as theirs, but a few of them definitely didn’t realize that we could still pick up whispering.

“I don’t thinksomberis the word most of them use,” I said wryly. They called me things likeglum, andsad, anddull. In my human life, I’d have probably appreciated being talked about in those terms—it meant I wasn’t drawing attention to myself, and that was exactly what I wanted.

And I didn’treallywant attention here either, yet the descriptors still stung. Maybe I just wanted to be different from the Meera I’d always been in the past, and I was squandering the opportunity.

“Courtiers can be very tactless.” Verner’s voice was sharper than it had ever been, the disapproval in it clear.

“A little. But they’re not necessarily wrong. I haven’t given them much to work with—I’m more charming around you than I am around anyone else,” I teased, though I wasn’t really teasing. Even around the other ex-Hunters, I wasn’t quite as open and chatty as I was with Verner.

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