Page 14 of Ira

It had given me the uncomfortable realization that I thrived in chaos and struggled in peace.

“What is it you’d like to do? As yourfriend—” Verner paused, looking almost a little smug at that. I almost laughed. “—I feel that I could be of assistance in this. Perhaps something related to your previous career?”

“I’m definitely not qualified to help deliver Shade babies,” I said, giving him an incredulous look. Were the babiesbornwith claws? My uterus went into full-scale lockdown at the thought.

I shuffled forward a little on my butt to disentangle myself from the hanging vine behind me that seemed to be magnetically attracted to my hair. “I wonder if anyone would mind if I tidied up a little out here? I don’t know anything about gardening, but it’s so overgrown. I could just hack away at it, so at least the paths were clear.”

“Mind? Certainly not. You’d be doing them a great favor. I could source you some tools, though they aren’t designed for your dainty hands.”

“Dainty?” I examined my hands like I’d never seen them before. I supposed they were rather delicate compared to a Shade’s.

“Dainty,” he repeated firmly. “Can the queen’s sister bring you equipment from the human realm? I believe she does supply runs back with the captain.”

I nodded. “Astrid, yes. I could ask.”

Was it my imagination, or had Verner grimaced a little when I said Astrid’s name? Whatever expression he saw on my face, he looked immediately contrite.

“My apologies, Meera. I know your relationship with her is bound to be different from how the Shades in the realm see her.”

The defensiveness I felt for my prickly housemate who was determinedly ignoring all of my attempts at friendship took me by surprise. But Astrid was the bravest person I knew, and I wasn’t going to tolerate so much as a hint of disrespect toward her in my presence.

The rest of us had been forced out of the Hunters, and come here out of convenience.

Astrid had walked away willingly, and basically thrown a grenade into the room behind her when she’d left. And nothing about moving here made life easier for her.

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Astrid,” I reminded Verner gently. “She searched me out. She brought me here. If, at any time, you’re enjoying my company, you have Astrid to thank for that.”

“I enjoy every moment of your company. And you’re right, I do.”

I waited to see if he’d say anything else. To see if he’d make excuses or attempt to justify his actions, but he didn’t.

I hated that it immediately made me suspicious. Verner appeared to be nothing but kind. Gentlemanly. My gut instinct was telling me that he was one of the good ones and that I could let my guard down around him, at least a little. I wouldn’t have met him alone in this hidden-away spot if I didn’t feel that way.

The problem wasn’t Verner, I wasalmostsure of it. The problem was me. I didn’t trust my judgment anymore.

“Do you like to write?” he asked, startling me.

“Write?” My blood chilled instantly.

“I’ve seen you out here with a notebook before.” The way his shadows moved around him… it was almost sheepish. I’d suspected that the Guard had a better view over Elverston House than we realized, and that basically confirmed it. “I’ve often wondered what you were writing.”

“Oh.”Quick, Meera. Come up with something normal to say.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry,” Verner said suddenly, his nose wrinkling ever so slightly. Damn it, my stupid scent had broadcast my discomfort before I’d had a chance to lie about it.

“It’s not… I’m not writing. I mean, I am. I’m just rambling about stuff. I’m not… It’s not poetry or anything,” I managed to get out, tripping over my words.

“I understand,” Verner replied kindly, though he absolutely didn’t.

And I was grateful for that fact. The less Verner understood about how odd I really was, the better.

“Anyone here?” Ophelia called out from the foyer of Elverston House, her voice echoing around the stones. “I come bearing gray wine and cheese!”

“Oh my god, you shouldn’t have,” Verity replied, skipping down the stairs. “Gray wine and cheese is my favorite kind of wine and cheese.”

“I already have my rollers in,” Tallulah sighed, coming down after Verity. She had a blue patterned silk scarf tied elegantly over the barrel rollers, so you couldn’t really see them anyway, and her pajamas matched the scarf. Verity—in a fluffy pink unicorn onesie—was slightly lesschic, but definitely just as cute.

And I was in cotton yoga pants that had a hole in the knee, with a giant sweatshirt that came nearly down to my knees tohide the fact that my leggings were looking pretty transparent around the butt.

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