Page 12 of Ira

And while I’d caught faint hints of sweetness in her scent, I’d never smelled the purejoythat the queen was usually cloaked in. I was probably more familiar with it than most, since it lingered in the corridors of the royal wing.

Joy, as well as another emotion that Queen Ophelia probablywouldn’tappreciate the palace guards scenting.

She took another bite of cake, chewing it thoughtfully. “So, you didn’t grow up at the palace then?”

I shook my head. The fact that she’d asked gave me a clear idea of the kinds of Shades she’d been talking to during feasts in the dining hall. “My family visited court fairly infrequently. I didn’t spend much time here until I joined the Guard.”

“Do you like being part of the Guard?”

The question briefly stunned me into silence. Had I ever been asked that before? Freedom had been the deciding factor in joining the Guard, not enjoyment. An escape from the boring predictability of life at Sunlis, and a chance to see the world and meet a variety of Shades.

“I suppose I do. I enjoy being… useful. I like to help.”

Meera tilted her head to the side, her long dark hair rippling around her like water. “Do you like fighting?”

“Well, no. Not really,” I said slowly. I was physically strong and generally considered to be a calm, reliable presence, which was how I’d been promoted up through the ranks. But I’d never developed the thirst for violence that many other members of the Guard seemed to possess, and I desperately hoped I never did. “Fighting, to me, is always the last and least desirable option. Though I don’t have to do much of it, not now. For my current post, temperament was the deciding factor in how I got the role.”

I’d never understand how Andrus had been promoted up through the ranks. Perhaps there just wasn’t much competition.

“What is it you did in the human realm?” I asked, wanting to shift the subject back to my far more interesting companion.

“My main job was as a doula. I helped with childbirth—with the whole process. Pregnancy, birth, postpartum.”

“And did you enjoy it?”

She pursed her lips, and I did my best to memorize the interesting shape. A Shade’s mouth was so unexpressive in comparison.

“It was very rewarding, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do. The Hunters Council pays for our education, and I’d meant to study nursing. But when everything… happened, they pulled my financial support. I’d already been accepted into college, and maybe if I’d been more levelheaded, I would have figured out how to get a loan in time, but I didn’t. Everything fell apart, and I gave up on the idea of college and ran away to start over.”

“That must have been painful.” Much of the context of her words made no sense to me, but the lingering ache of the wound was obvious.

“It was a long time ago now.”

“Then perhaps the pain is less sharp than it once was.”

Meera looked at me thoughtfully for a long moment in a way that no one else really had. I was solid. Reliable. And, for the most part, somewhat indistinguishable.

I wasn’t one to be looked at closely.

“How was it that you came to be a doula after that? You must have been very determined to make that happen on your own.”

It had merely been an observation—how could she not be determined after going through something so difficult?—but Meera’s scent sweetened as though I’d given her a great compliment. I silently scolded myself for not coming up with one better.

“I cleaned motels for a couple of years and worked at bars until I could save up enough for the training—fortunately, they had a payment plan because I was… well, let’s just say I wasn’t in a good place financially. I worked for myself, but I was only just starting out before I came here, so I still worked at a bar to supplement my income.” She gave me a wry smile. “Honestly, who knows if it would have even worked out—I wasn’t particularly business-savvy, and I struggled with that side of things, even though I loved supporting parents, and helping bring those tiny babies into the world. But if it hadn’t worked out, I’d have figured something else out. If I pride myself on anything, it’s my resilience.”

“Yes, I can certainly tell you’re resilient,” I agreed, though I was a little saddened by that fact. Meera’s strength was admirable, but she’d suffered to gain it.

I wondered if she wanted children of her own? I didn’t want to give her the wrong impression by asking. In my experience, children were intimidating little creatures and I didn’t feel anywhere near ready for them, though as the heir to Sunlis, I would be expected to produce at least one someday.

“What about—” she began.

“Meera!” Verity yelled, her voice easily distinguishable as the loudest of all of them who lived in Elverston House. “Are you out here?”

Meera started guiltily, scrambling to her feet so fast that her hair caught in the overgrowth.

“I’ll be right there!” she called over her shoulder, tugging the strands free so roughly that I winced.

I stood and reached over, taking the now empty wrappers from her hand.

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