Page 99 of Unwrapping Deviance

The back of the truck is facing the restaurant and the steady stream of vehicles and people. No one else seems to notice the possessive hand Christian has on my upper thigh or the gentle strokes of Daniel’s palm along my back. No one cares that they’re sitting too close. That we are connected from hip to knee. Everyone has their own lives and worries. After the last few days, being around normal people feels so good.

I exhale around a mouthful of fries and let the tension melt from my limbs. I didn’t realize just how wound up I’ve been since arriving to Jefferson until I’m breathing, actually breathing without every wisp getting caught around the weight in my chest.

I get that it’s not normal. What I did with Daniel and Christian not ten minutes ago isn’t a usual or commonly accepted thing. I get that even in the usual sense, most people wouldn’t understand my attraction and desire for two men. Hell, I don’t understand it. All I’ve wanted for nearly a year is Daniel. He’s been my world. The center of my entire universe. He’s always been enough and would always be enough if Christian decides to leave, but I ... there’s something about Christian. There’s something in me that craves him. It likes the way he looks at me. The way he touches me. It likes that Christian doesn’t tiptoe around my feelings.

Daniel is always honest with me, but I know he cushions his words. He protects my feelings and tries to ease me into everything.

Christian is brash and rude. He’s insufferable and an asshole, and I like it. I like that he’ll call my bullshit. I like that he argues back — heatedly. I like that despite his rough edges, he’s sweet and kind. He makes me laugh even when I’m pissed enough to hit him.

They make me feel balanced. Like together, they create one perfect man, and both want me.

How crazy is that?

Still, I know he won’t stay. For him, this is probably a passing amusement, a way to make good of a bad situation. Once we leave, he’ll return to his apartment and his life, and we may occasionally see him on holidays and maybe we’ll fuck, but eventually, he’ll move on. He’ll find himself a girlfriend and I’ll have to pretend like I haven’t cum all over her boyfriend’s cock.

Or would they tell her? Would Daniel share her, too?

Christian gets to have me. Daniel’s fine with it, but does that mean if Christian found someone, Daniel can have her, too?

Suddenly, the fistful of fries I’d gulped down hits my gut like a rock.

I barely like the idea of Christian with someone else and I know I can’t keep him. I know he can’t stay. I can’t risk more blood on my hands. I’m already feeling too much for the guy and he’s only been in my life a few days.

But Daniel with another woman? Is that what he wants? Is he hoping that by sharing me, I will share him? Can I share him?

No.

No. Never. I won’t.

Maybe that makes me selfish and greedy, but he’s mine. I waited a long time to get him and I’m not letting some faceless bitch put her grubby hands on him.

“Mi?”

My head jerks up. I realize he’d been talking to me, and I’d been glowering at my untouched burger. I have to smooth out my frown, pull back the urge to snarl at him that he’s not allowed to have another woman. That needs to be a calm, rational conversation, not me screaming at him like a lunatic because I’ve worked myself up into a frenzy over a hypothetical scenario.

“Yeah?”

Good. No hint of crazy in my tone.

“I was thinking we find a grocery store while we’re here and stock up. I want to avoid going into Jefferson if we can help it.”

He’s not going to hear an argument from me. If he told me we were packing up and leaving that very night, I would tell him to just leave everything; I can get new stuff.

But I tell him that sounds fine. I get a kiss on the side of my head and left to return to my cycling spiral of madness.

“Eat your burger, brat,” Christian drawls into my other ear, pulling me back out.

It takes me a second to realize the man is trying to order me to eat. Worse still, I had every intention of eating my burger ... as soon as I stopped creating fake scenarios in my head, but his audacity has me setting my burger aside to glower at him.

“No,” I retort.

That earns me an arched eyebrow and a curved lip around the burger he’s demolishing. “You sure?”

I don’t like the challenge in his tone. The warning. It unnerves my confidence and prickles my suspicions, but I’m committed now.

“I’ll eat it when I want.”

Christian blinks his beautiful eyes slowly and offers a shrug. “Okay then. You’re a big girl who can make up her own mind.”

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