Page 66 of Shroom for Improvement

I didn’t mind. “It’s not really about collecting piss, that’s just part of it. It’s an obsession with improving soil health. And straw saturated in nutrients derived from urine is a beautifully organic way to gently feed the soil and the plants that grow from it.”

Claude removed his hat, passed his hand around the brim, and placed it back on his head. “So... I just piss on the hay?”

“It’s straw, not hay, but yes, essentially.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Hay is usually for animal feed. It contains seeds. Straw has no seeds, or a lot fewer seeds. Much less likely to germinate in the soil.”

He eyed the pee-bale suspiciously. “Well, the guest house isn’t that far from here if I need the loo.”

“Sure.” I shrugged, turned back to him and gave him a look that plainly suggested he keep practising.

He huffed. “Fine. Let’s do this.” He held out his hands again, and I cupped them.

An hour later, or perhaps it’d only been twenty minutes, Claude was yawning ... peeling open his eyes, tapping his foot, his shoulders sagging.

“Just show me what I need to do,” he demanded.

“I’m not sure how much you can learn from watching, but okay.” I planted my feet firmly onto the bouncy grass and held my arms out. “You’ll probably want to step out of the splash zone.”

“The splash zone?”

“It might rain. I mean, it will rain, but I’ll try to keep it just in front of us.”

Claude moved to spot about five paces behind me, looked down at the ground, up at the sky, and moved back another five paces.

“Perfect.”

It had been a long time since I had performed this kind of glamour.

A common rule in most fae households was no weather magic indoors. For much the same reason parents and caregivers wouldn’t allow cattle in their homes—it was messy, chaotic, things will get destroyed, and there will be shit everywhere.

Perhaps I had not even cast lightning glamour since that fateful incident three hundred years ago when I accidentally zapped my sister in the bathtub. From that moment on, we never took another bath together. Her eyebrows eventually grew back, she was fine.

So, I was a little out of practice, but I was determined to show Claude that the magic could be done.

“You need to imagine a storm building inside you. Like inside your veins. But not imagine, feel—ugh, I can’t really explain it. It just sort of... happens,” I said over my shoulder.

“That makes no sense,” he whined.

“I know,” I replied without looking at him. But there wasn’t a clearer way for me to define it. It was something that he simply had to feel, experience for himself. Much the same as he’d experience—

“It’s like an orgasm!” I blurted. I felt my face flame. “You, uh, need to be in the right mindset. You need to let the magic build. Imagine you are trying to...” Even though I was facing away from him, I closed my eyes, just to make it easier to say what I needed to without losing all my nerve. “Imagine you aretrying to make yourself come unaided. No hands, or friction, just the building sensation.”

The fabric of Claude’s suit rustled. “Okay, oh boy... uh, does it feel good—um... similar?”

I pursed my lips together to stop my smile, and resisted the urge to turn around and see just how much Claude’s silver freckles were twinkling over his blush. “Well, it feels more like a sneeze than an orgasm, but it builds in every part of your body. Shall I show you?”

Claude said nothing, which I took to mean yes, and I began letting the power of the storm blossom. It purred in my thighs, my biceps and triceps, my gut. Lifted, made its way to my heart. Easier than I remembered it being. Moisture built in the air around me. The sunlight dimmed overhead. A charcoal-coloured cloud swirled into existence. Electricity crackled the edges of my consciousness, though I couldn’t tell if it was coming from inside or outside of me.

And then I felt myself rushing towards the peak as the tension building in my chest burst from my hands, shot straight into the sky in a single spear of lightning, and immediately down at my feet again, snapping against the stone tablet. But not damaging it.

I turned to look at Claude, feeling somewhat sated. Though not in a sexy way.

“That was incredible. Wow, okay, so—”

But whatever he was about to say or ask was cut off as the smoky-looking storm cloud I’d conjured only moments ago drifted over to him and proceeded to dump an ocean’s worth of rain water onto his head.

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