Page 82 of By the Pint

Dima looked at the elevator floor between our feet. “It’s part of the reason, yeah. A significant part. But I will not stop you from achieving your dream.” He lifted his head to meet myeyes once again. “Just because something is not right for me, doesn’t mean it will also be wrong for you.”

“You think being a vampire is wrong for you? You wish you were still human?”

He nodded, and a painful lump formed in my throat. He’d be dead if he were human.

“Isn’t it ironic?” he said, having heard that thought.

My fault, I wasn’t making any attempt to block my mind.

Gently, he lifted my hands down from his face. “It’s not immortality, it’s a curse. Doomed to spend forever alone. When you’re a vampire, people treat you exactly that way. Like a vampire. Like the cold-blooded, ruthless, indiscriminating killer you are. They avoid you, do everything they can to ignore you while keeping you in their line of vision. Never turn their backs to you because if they do, the temptation to grab them by the hair, yank their heads to your shoulder and sink your teeth into their necks might be too overwhelming.”

“Dima—”

“Add onto that the centuries of guilt. Because whether you like it or not, you will kill. Especially within your first few years. That urge to feed becomes so strong, so all-consuming. Nowadays they keep you in the turning centre until it passes, but it doesn’t fucking matter. I’ve never met a single vampire, six-hundred years old, or sixty, that hasn’t killed.”

“Dima—”

“Are you willing to become a killer, Casey?” He stared straight into my eyes. “Books only tell you so much.”

This was true. I’d read every book on being a vampire and becoming a vampire I could lay my hands on. Devoured every blog post, listened to every podcast, watched every online video. There were certain pieces of information conveniently left out. Designed to protect delicate human ears. But it wasn’t as though I didn’t understand any of this. I had spent the lastdecade, longer, in the company of vampires. Living in the City of the Undead. I heard everything that went on inside their minds. Saw litany after litany of kills. Knew which of Dima’s brethren were remorseful. And which ones continued to flout modern laws. And until now, it had always been a price I was willing to pay.

Until now …

I’d really just thoughtuntil now.

He brushed his thumb against my jaw. The back of his head knocked against the vinyl-stickered chest of Mike Ryder. “I know this is something you think you want, but you’re seriously willing to give up everything for it? Everything I saw today that made you so happy? How everyone revers you. Idolises you as you are. Your ability to buy snacks from anywhere. Or flush your own piss down the toilet. Or kiss your boyfriend on a fucking screen without people laughing at you.

Boyfriend.Oh, gods. The word hurt in ways it shouldn’t have.

“You have the world, Casey. Anything a human could ever wish for. You’re tall, and—”

“You’re going with tall. Above everything else?”

This caused a sad smile to tick Dima’s mouth. “And you’re successful. Intelligent. Respected. Well liked”—I scoffed—“Rich. Impeccable wardrobe. So fucking gorgeous it hurts every single cell in my body. You’re powerful, and people pay attention to you. They want you to like them. You think they don’t because you can see inside their minds and blah blah blah, but you’re wrong. Yes, people fear you, but not in the same way they fear me. They still want you to notice them. No living person wants me to notice them. They all hope I forget they exist, all frightened they might become my next chew toy. But they want you, Casey, they want you to see them. They might be selfish, but so am I.”

“No, you’re not. You’re the exception. You’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met.” My fingers moved of their own accord, threading themselves into his hair.

Dima shook his head. “There are things I want, and I know I can never have them, and I’ve accepted that. Doesn’t stop me from being selfish, though. If I were selfless, I’d have been honest with you from the very beginning. I wouldn’t have taken advantage of you that first night, against the wall in your hotel room.”

Obviously, at this, my cock stirred. “You didn’t take advantage of me. It was fully,fullyconsensual.”

Dima ignored this. “I’d have not tricked you into turning up at the Constellations; been a prick at the mini golf course; sucked your soul right out of your body the other night.”

It twitched again.

“I’d have let you into my thoughts from the very beginning. I’d have let you see there’s nothing there that I, or indeed Killian, would consider valuable. I’d have let you see, right from the beginning, so that you could have run before any of this got as far out of hand as it has. Casey, I wasalwaysgoing to fall in love with you.”

“Dima …” His name was no more than a breath, whispered against his jaw.

“I’d have stopped myself from thinking about you every second of every night, and I would stop myself from what I’m about to do.”

I sucked in my breath in anticipation or maybe dread. I didn’t know how, but I knew Dima wasn’t about to kiss me.What I’m about to dowasn’t sexual. Nerves balled in my stomach.

“Reconsider. Please.” His eyes burned into mine. Tears popped at the corners. “Immortality isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. Stay human. Stay with me. I want you, Casey ‘TheTemper’ Freckleman. Moonflower. Stay with me and I’ll give you everything you desire. You want my hotels? Done. CEO of Black Heart Enterprises? It’s yours. You want a gothic castle in the middle of nowhere? A super-modern inner city penthouse apartment? Just name it, baby. You want me to kill your enemies? Killian? I’ll do it. I would worship you for an eternity if you’d let me. I’d do anything for you. To keep you.”

I felt the dampness on my cheeks before I realised I was crying. “Dima,” I said again, pathetically. I let my eyes close and pressed my forehead to his.

“An unselfish person,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “Wouldn’t ask you to give up your lifelong dream. But I am. That’s exactly what I’m doing. I …”

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