Page 64 of By the Pint

I could totally preen. And he wouldn’t see it. He thought I was brilliant and beautiful.

Shit, that felt good.

“Quick, think about my dick!” he said.

I mean, I already was.

“You thinking about it?”

“Oh, yeah.”

He burst out laughing. “Nothing! Amazing! Look at me!” Using his telekinesis, he pushed his t-shirt up over his stomach and tugged the waistband of his sweatpants down to reveal his white-grey happy trail. I bit back my groan. I didn’t know what to gawk at first. His gorgeous, exposed flesh, the modern clothes he wore — a crisp white t-shirt straining over his chest and biceps, and sweatpants! — or his dick print in those sweatpants.

“Fuck,” I said out loud, before remembering I was supposed to be trapping my thoughts.Fuck me, vampire daddy.

“Okay, I heard that. Still a bit of work to do.” But Dima continued to beam at me like a parent whose kid had learned to play the Elvish Nyckelharpa in one weekend.

That one.

That was my favourite smile.

“You can come in,” I said, standing aside so that the vampire threshold would drop and let him cross. It was then Irealised he was wearing pink bunny rabbit slippers. Oh shit, why was that so cute?

“I’m so fucking proud of you,” he said, bounding in like a puppy, taking a seat on the squashy leather sofa, and bouncing up and down a little. “It’s not perfect, your … mind-bag, I mean.” He pointed to my head. “But it’ll hold for me. You’ll have to keep practicing to make it impenetrable to the hackers after you’re turned. It’ll do for now, though.”I’ve missed you.

I wasn’t sure if I was meant to hear that last thought or if it had slipped through. I missed him too. But I kept mine tucked away.

“So,” I said, sitting next to him. “Can we talk about what’s going on with us?”

Dima looked up to me, his beautiful smile eased from his face, leaving me bereft and chilly. I wanted it back. I wanted him always smiling. But I needed to talk this through with him. Like he’d said before, it wasn’t fair for me to lead him on. He’d told me how easily he fell in love, and okay, I wasn’t a particularly lovable person, I’d be the first to admit that, but that hadn’t seemed to put Dima off yet. He saw through my … foibles, my eccentricities, fine, fuck it, my weaknesses, and he was still beside me. With his multitude of smiles, and his laughter, and the way he made me feel like the most … understood person alive.

I couldn’t let this man fall in love with me, only to essentially disappear on him in a couple of months for potentially forever. Would I remember him after I’d been turned? Everybody I’d ever met seemed to think not. Every piece of literature I had read on the subject, and I had read the works, also stressed the significance of TIL or Total Identity Loss. It was such a huge ordeal they acronymed it for gods’ sake. I was a selfish bastard, but even I wasn’t that selfish.

And the other thing, I wasn’t a person who ever fell in love. I flew solo. Always put myself first. I’d never had to think about how things affected anyone else because I simply did not care. About anyone. Why should I care for others when I could see all their thoughts? Knew already, without them telling me, that they didn’t care for me. Why even try to make people like me? It was so much easier to push everyone away with my yelling, and my tantrums, and my constant demands.

At least then people despised me for a reason. A reason that I had crafted myself. Spent years, decades even, honing. Not for something I couldn’t control. Not because they preferred going to the pub, or to the caretaker’s house over getting to know their only son. Not because I was an insufferable know-it-all and impossible to teach, andI just can’t with this boy. Not because someone wanted a quick fuck with the famous wingball star, for nothing more than bragging rights. People didn’t really want to get to know me, more than they wanted to get to know anyone.

People, in general, thought of little but themselves. And I was no different.

Dima was different, though. Sure, he could see all my thoughts, fears, secrets, and I couldn’t see his, but it was more than that. I got the feeling he actually … liked what he saw. Cared about getting to know me. Cared about me. The real me. The one under the mask and all the layers, and the controlling outbursts.

It wasn’t fair of me to give this beautiful man what he desired, only to snatch it away moments later.

But despite everything, I wanted him. So fucking much. Being near him was balancing on the knife-edge between irk-induced frustration and horn-induced frustration. If I only had a few months left of being human, I wanted to spend all of them with his dick buried inside me. Or his mouth around my cock. Or … shit … even cuddling. Or just being close to him. Breathing in that smoky metallic scent. Hearing that infectious laugh ofhis. Having him tease me into such a tightly wound point, I end up lashing out, chasing him down, and pinning him against the wall.

“I like you,” I said, quietly. Cautiously. “But you like me more.” It sounded so conceited, but he nodded. “I want you. I think about that night in Dreadmourne Castle all the time. And … I think if I don’t get to hear you come apart again, I might simply die. But I can’t offer you anything beyond what we have now. Friends with benefits.”

“I know.” His voice was as quiet as mine. “I’ve thought about it a lot, too. Not that night at the conference, well, yes, that night at the conference, but also us. I understand your position here. I don’t expect you to give up the dream because you met a cute guy with a great smile and his own hotel and spa who can fuck you so hard it melts your mind.”

A chuckle burst free from me.

“Even if I personally think that your dream is …” He never finished his sentence. Leaving me half wondering what he’d been about to say, but half assuming I already knew. “But I like you, too. Really like you, and if you’re only prepared to offer me the position of fuck buddy, then I’m going to accept. Of course I’m going to accept.”

Dima’s red eyes caressed my face, as though he was looking for cracks in my newly constructed armour.

“Casey, you’re incredible.” He lightly brushed his knuckles against my jaw. My breath stilled. “Exactly as you are. You know this, right?”

I didn’t respond. Couldn’t agree with him and couldn’t find the words to counter.

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