Page 53 of By the Pint

“He has Sugar Paste and Taur,” Goldie said.

I said nothing, swallowed the ache building in my throat. As well as trying for a baby, our other flatmates Joey and Taurin were harbouring plans to move to Dinlow in the northern parts of the Human Realms to be closer to her folks.

“Well, so long as Mal’s girl’s not human,” he said.

“Naturally.”

Goldie was quiet for a few moments. I presumed, like me, he was cycling through a list of non-human women we knew. “So, plan B,” he said, apparently coming up empty-handed. “Find out if there is a way to turn a human into a vampire and they still keep their memories.”

“There’s no way,” I countered.

“You don’t know that yet. Listen, I’ll do some research for you and present you with my findings.”

“Even if it were possible for him to keep his memories after being turned, he doesn’t want any kind of relationship. And I can’t do fuck buddies. You know me, I’m not that kind ofguy. I’d want more. Always. I’d want to move in together, get married, maybe get a cocker spaniel.”

“A cocker spaniel?” Goldie almost shouted.

“They’re cute, and I don’t want kids.”

“We’re going off on a tangent again.” We both laughed, because this was what always happened when Goldie and I chatted. “Okay, plan C. You try very hard not to fall in love with him. Do what you went there to do. Teach him to close his mind off. And then once that’s done, forget about him. Move on.”

I whined. It was probably the best option of the three Goldie had given me. The best all round for everyone involved, especially Casey.

“And to be honest, mate, the guy sounds like a dick.”

“Ha!”

Goldie wasn’t wrong. But I liked it. I liked that Casey was unafraid to be selfish. That he used whatever resources he had, which were the same as mine, to get whatever he wanted. I liked that he knew his own mind so well, and that the opinions of others held little sway over his own. Even if I did see the shadows lurking in the corners, the paradoxes that could derail his dogmas. I liked it all.

“Ooooor …” Goldie said. “There’s plan D, which is what I’d personally do, but you won’t want to hear that.”

I pretended to sigh. I pictured Goldie rolling his eyes. “Go on then, tell me.”

“Well, since you’re already half-way in love with him—”

“More like three quarters.”

“My point exactly, since you’re already almost fully in love with him, giving him up now is going to suck, and not in the way you’re used to.So,” he said, drawing out the word. “Fuck it. Him, I mean. Fuck him. Literally. Spend the rest of the month balls deep inside him. Have the best two weeks of your fucking life. And when he doesn’t remember you after he’s been turned,then at least you’ll have the knowledge of that time together. Even if he doesn’t.”

“Mate,” I said, hitting my head against the door again. I wanted that. Gods, I wanted that. But would I be able to separate sex from love? Was it already too late for that? I didn’t think I loved Casey, but I was almost certainly in love with him.

I would test each of the plans. In turn. Starting with plan A, convince him he would be happy to live as a human forever. Or at least try.

“You know, I always thought Casey ‘The Temper’ Freckleman would top. Since he’s such a control freak.”

“Oh my gods, Goldie. You’re right. He is a control freak. That’s what it’s all about. That’s what it had always been about.”

How had I not seen this before?

17.

Dima

“It’s about gaining ultimate control, isn’t it?” I shouted, before Casey had finished climbing up the volcano’s ladder the next night.

He waited until he’d seated himself next to me, and had passed me a can of Blooze, before speaking. “I didn’t think you were going to come tonight. I’m still not sure what happened last night.” In his head, he used the termyour little freak out. I couldn’t disagree.

“The reason you want to become immortal is about having ultimate control. Is it not?” I said, avoiding his own question-not-a-question.

---