Page 81 of By the Fae

I already lost the second with the wholethe treasure is lovething.

If I lost another . . .

On Saturday morning, Holly began packing her bag. It was amazing how much of her stuff had spread over the apartment. Her toothbrush and special curly hair shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom. Her old games consoles and cartridges in the living room. Her favourite brand of cereal in the kitchen. An entire suitcase of dungarees in my bedroom. I would miss her oversized, fluffy, tapir keychain hung up next to mine in the hall; her spectacle lens cleaning stuff on my nightstand; her adorable way of cursing without swearing.

I would miss fixing her aches and bruises, and cooking for her, her fingers in my hair as we lay on the sofa, the gurgling sounds her stomach would make beneath my head. The way her eyelashes brushed the inside of her lenses. The way her waist felt in my hands. The way she called out my name as she broke underneath my fingertips.

Damn it, I was going to miss those fucking dungarees.

Holly hadn’t kissed me that morning, and I could barely bring myself to look at her.

I stood across from her in the hallway, neither of us making eye contact.

“Well, I guess this is it,” she said to her feet. “Uh, thank you. For, you know.”

“Sure,” I said. “See you at work then, I suppose.”

“I suppose you will.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home?”

Holly paused. “My taxi’s already here. Well, goodbye, Goldie.” She pushed herself up onto tiptoes and planted a chaste kiss on my cheek.

I caught her face, my hand having almost fully healed. I wasn’t letting this grandparent-style peck be our parting kiss, and I kissed her like it was the last time I ever would. Because, shit, it was.

“Goodbye, Holly Briar,” I said, pulling away eventually. She smiled with her mouth only.

Human. Baby girl.

She stared into my eyes for a few seconds, or perhaps an hour. “See you Monday,” she said, hoisting her bag onto her shoulder and opening the door.

I caught Holly’s arm, and she spun round to me, her face lighting up with . . . hope maybe?

Don’t go.That’s what I wanted to say. I wanted to kick the door closed, fling Holly over my shoulder like a caveman, and carry her up to my bedroom.Stay here, stay with me. We’ll figure something out. You’re worth the heartbreak.

What I actually said was, “Good luck tonight. On … your date”

Holly nodded, her lips caught between her teeth, and she turned and walked down the corridor towards the elevators. She paused, looked over her shoulder at me, and stepped into the lift.

I slammed the door behind her. I needed a drink. Something strong. Strong enough to wipe the last five weeks from my memory. Sugar Paste stood at the bottom of the stairs, as though waiting for me.

“What’s going on?” she said, stepping into my path. “Where’s Holly?”

I ignored her and pushed past her into the kitchen. Opening, and slamming shut all the cupboard doors, looking for liquor. Nothing. Not even any beer or wine. No weed left in my tin, either.

“Goldie, talk to me,” she said, following me around.

“She’s gone,” was all I managed, before pulling on my trainers and barrelling out the door.

I pounded the city for hours, doing everything in my possession not to think about Holly, and at the same time, trying to excuse every interaction we ever had.

It was for a reason. All the things we did. All the moments spent together. Holly needed to improve her confidence (her techniques were never the issue), and I wanted her help with the game. Help which, although I was reluctant to accept, I was glad I did.

It was a good game, with a good concept, and we had worked so hard on it together. It was pretty much completed, save for a few teeny tiny niggly bits that I could work out on my own, in my office, alone. I had to make sure that after today there wouldn’t be any cause for us to spend any more time together at work.

But ultimately, we had to end it at some point. I knew this moment was coming. I just didn’t expect to feel so . . . shit.

Mal lost Nova after decades of loving her. If it felt like this to say goodbye to someone after a few weeks, I couldn’t even imagine the torment he went through. No wonder he was so keen for me to stay away.

---