Page 54 of Power Play

“Where did you disappear to for so long?” he asks, his words slurring a little.

“I needed to think,” I tell him, checking the room and not seeing Drake.Phew. “Can we go outside and talk?”

His eyebrows hit his hairline as he gawks at me in confusion. Then he nods and stands up, eyeing me suspiciously as I continue to keep my distance. It’s unusual, after all the time we’ve spent together, that I won’t let him touch me. I’m just worried I won’t be able to go through with my plan if he does.

I love him but I can’t be with him.

We walk out to the patio, and thankfully, no one is here. Only a stack of graduation caps lies on the deck, where someone arranged them, probably to take a photo. I move forward and then lower myself onto the bench, looking expectantly at Clay. He comes closer but stays planted in front of me. His shoulders are squared as he studies me with narrowed eyes.

“What’s up? What did you want to talk to me about?”

I take a deep breath and say on an exhale, “We need to break up.”

“Sorry…what?”

“I said we need to break up.” I pronounce every word slowly and precisely, watching the color drain from his face. “You and I aren’t going to work long distance, Clay. It’s over. We are over.”

“You don’t think that,” he mutters, crouching in front of me, his hands on my knees for balance.

“I do.” I shrug. “I’ve thought that for a while now, after you told me you were probably heading to Chicago after graduation.”

“I don’t understand.” Clay shakes his head. “We were happy together. We were planning our future?—”

“Youwere planning our future, without even once asking me what I wanted.”

He flinches when he hears that, his mouth collapsing into a deep scowl.

“Your dreams are coming true. You’re going to play in the NHL. You will have the whole world at your feet, along with girls who will be hitting on you, flirting with you, wanting you,” I tell him calmly. “I also want to explore what’s out there for me,whois out there for me. I don’t want to sit back and wait for you to cheat on me. It’s better if we end it here.”

“Wait, wait, wait…You think I’m going to cheat on you?” Clay asks, taken aback. He stands up, hovering over me with a look of disturbed disbelief. “Layla, I’m in love with you.Fucking obsessedactually describes my feelings better. I don’t even look at other girls. They mean nothing to me. I only want you. All I’ve ever wanted is you.”

“You’re saying that now, while we’re here together, surrounded by our friends. Once you know what it means to be a well-paid player, with fans and groupies following your every step—you’ll know I was nothing but a nice distraction in your final year. A fucktoy.”

I’m saying such terrible things, fueled by my own insecurities, that it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I let the overthinking side of me win a long time ago, let it fill my mindwith so many different scenarios with the only one outcome—him breaking up with me for someone else…These thoughts poisoned my brain, and even my love for him isn’t enough to be an antidote.

“Layla, I love you.” He grabs my hands and pulls me to my feet, staring me in the eyes. “I love you.”

“And I don’t. I don’t love you, Clay. I never did,” I say dismissively with a lift of my shoulder. I’ve been repeating this monologue in my head for months, so now it helps me keep all my real emotions hidden. “The sex was great. That was all.”

I’m a fucking joke.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not, I promise.” I back away from him, holding my head high and making sure my curated smile doesn’t slip. “I wish you the best, Clay. I’m sure you’re going to see wild success in your career and find the perfect girl for you. It just won’t be me.”

With that, I turn around and rush into the house, chasing away the feeling that I’m about to throw up. From the alcohol, from all the worries I’ve had the last few days—but also from my lies. They taste like broken dreams, sour and acidic.

“Layla!” he yells, running after me. “Layla, wait—this is some fucking bullshit.”

“Leave me alone, Clay.” My voice cracks, and traitorous tears flood my eyes as I bolt out of the house and down the porch steps. Ava is right where she told me she’d be, sitting in Colton’s car with her hands on the steering wheel. “We’re done.”

Before I have the chance to open the car door, he wraps his arms around my waist from behind and presses me into his chest. Ever so slowly, he turns me around and cups my face with his hands. So much pain flashes behind his irises, it cracks my heart even more.

“Baby, please, don’t leave me. I’m sorry if I didn’t do enough to show you how much I love you—I promise I’ll do better,” hebegs, his voice breaking as he sucks in air. “I love you, Layla. More than anything in the world. Don’t leave me, please.”

Without thinking, I lean in and press my lips to his. Briefly. Desperately. Heartbreakingly. My heart shatters in my chest.

“It’s better this way. Bye, Clay.”

---