Page 84 of Breakaway

Always

NEVAEH

“I haveno idea how you deal with Drake’s away games,” I mutter. “I feel like Roman spends more time on the road than he does at home. He just got back, and now he’s leaving again.”

“My dad was always gone a lot.” Angie shrugs. “I’m used to it, though of course that doesn’t mean I like it.” She gives me a small smile. “Drake and Roman love hockey; it brings them joy. All we can do is to support them.”

“I do support him,” I blurt, making Angie burst into giggles.

“Everyone who knew Roman before you sees it. He’s very different, even from when I first met him. You’re a good influence on him.” Angie dips her head, her dark brown hair falling over her shoulders like a heavy curtain. “Just like he is on you. He’s changing you too, Nev, and I love it.”

I cover her palm with mine and squeeze it gently. “I told him everything about my past, and he didn’t judge me. He’s been supportive of me ever since. Just like you. You two are my guiding lights…even if he’s more like a rainy cloud on some days.”

“As long as you’re happy, I’m happy too.” Angie puts one hand on her growing belly. “How is your article going?”

Instinctively, I grab my phone from the couch and check my notifications. Getting a phone call from Kai on my day off wasn’t something I anticipated—nor him asking me why I even have an email address if I never reply to him on time. I’ve missed a lot of his emails recently, so all my mornings have started with me going through my inbox to check for anything from my boss. I checked the settings and talked to our tech department. No one seemed to know why it was only happening to Kai’s emails, so I kinda gave up. I have way more important things to worry about, and my article is one of them.

“It’s almost ready. Just need to go through the part about Kyle one more time,” I tell Angie as I squint at my phone once again. “The part about Roman is done though. It was the easiest to write; the words just poured out of me. I even had to stop myself so I didn’t go over my word count.”

“Does he know you’re writing about him?”

I shake my head. “I want him to read it once it’s published,” I say quietly. “When I’m ready to know what he thinks about me being in love with him.”

“Nev…” Angie curls her hand around my shoulder and pulls me to her side.

She doesn’t say anything, and I’m grateful for that. Having any sort of expectations when it comes to Roman’s feelings is a lost cause. I’ll be so disappointed if he doesn’t feel the same way. I prefer to just bet it all on red, tell the world about my past and how my present healed me, and hope that the man I love will want to be a part of my future.

Even if he says he’s not capable of love.

“I’ll be there for you no matter what,” Angie whispers, and I cuddle into her, closing my eyes and relaxing into her embrace. “You can count on me. Always.”

“I know,” I whisper back. I wrap my arms around her and hold her gently. “Love you so much, Angie.”

“Love you too.” She kisses my temple and leans her head against mine.

We sit quietly in her living room, and the feeling of comfort overwhelms me, the way it always does with her. Drake went for a run, taking Cooper with him and giving us some privacy. He’s a good friend, and he wouldn’t say anything to Roman about me, even if they’re friends too. But I’m glad I was able to talk to Angie without him around. I needed perspective. Needed to get things off my chest and talk about the article I’m working on with someone who isn’t Roman.

Because my desire to confess my feelings is getting the better of me lately, and I know he’s not ready. Not ready to believe that he deserves to be loved. Not ready to admit that he wants to be loved too. Thinking about it makes my little heart flutter in my chest like a wild bird thrashing against its cage, desperate and scared of what’s going to happen next.

And him breaking my heart is a possibility I can’t ignore…even if I want to.

The first thingI hear once I close the door of Roman’s apartment is his mom’s voice. She giggles, telling him something in Russian, and he laughs too. A warm and cozy feeling forms in my belly. I love the sound of his laughter, so genuine and joyful; it always brings a smile to my face.

Padding into the living room, I find Roman sitting on the couch, holding his phone in front of him and smiling from ear to ear. He notices me, and his grin becomes softer, gentler. Beckoning me with his head, he tells his mom, “Nevaeh is home.”

Nevaeh is home.A simple sentence, just three words, but it makes my knees weak. My legs are all unstable as I walk over to the couch and sit down beside him. Roman drapes his hand over my shoulder, pulling me into his side and kissing my temple. His gestures are full of affection, and they lack even an ounce of pretense. And, despite how much I’m trying to forbid myself, I still feel hopeful. Hopeful that he loves me too.

Not as much as I love him, because I try to be a realist, but at least a little bit. The way I feel about him is larger than me, larger than anything I know in this world. It’s unique and endless, and even if it might take him time, my love will be enough for both of us. Because nothing has ever felt this right.

“I hope Roma isn’t giving you any trouble,” Iryna says, smiling gently at me.

“He might be a handful, of course, but most of the time your son is wonderful.”

“Wonderful?” Roman leans away and looks down at me. A false scowl plays on his lips. “That’s not what you should call your husband.”

“You’re my husband, so I know better than you what I should call you.” I give him a pointed look and switch my attention to his mom. “How are you, Iryna?”

We talk some more, and I enjoy the conversion to the fullest. With one exception. Roman’s fingers drawing circles on my skin makes me fidget in my seat, but no matter how much I try to scoot away, he only holds me closer. His hand continually slipping lower brings heat to my cheeks.

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