Page 6 of Breakaway

True, but I still hate that I can’t be there for you

Me:

You are there for me, even if you’re far away. Wait…isn’t it the middle of the night for you?

Angie:

It’s 2am in Nice

Me:

You’re impossible! Get your pregnant ass back to bed!

Angie:

??

Shaking my head, I lock my phone and put it back down on the couch. I need to get going. Travis will be home soon, and I need to take Happy for a walk before that. With a sigh, I slowly move the dog off of me and stand up, hovering over him. His beady eyes focus on me, and a smile curls my lips. He’s such an adorable little pup. I’m happy Trav decided to get him five months ago.

“Give me ten minutes, Happy, and we can go.” I wink at the dog and head toward the bedroom.

With Travis’s place decorated in only white and gray, I’ve often felt as if I’m the only colorful element in it. It’s so sterileand pristine that it’s even started to affect my choice of clothes. Black and white, nothing bright or vivid. Nothing revealing or even a little bit provocative. I don’t feel like myself here. At twenty-six, I don’t feel like I have any control over my life.

But it’s not like I have anyone to blame except myself.

My relationship with Travis was a whirlwind. We hooked up for months, no strings attached, and then suddenly we became exclusive. Dates, staying at each other’s places, my belongings getting scattered all over his apartment without me even realizing it. I never told Angie, but I think her romance with Drake was something that pushed me to move forward. For years, she’s been the only stable element in my life, proof that not everyone leaves when things become a shitshow. Seeing her so happy and in love, I wanted the same. I didn’t want to feel left behind, and when Trav asked me to move in with him, I agreed. I thought it was the right thing to do, a logical continuation of our relationship. Almost seven months later…I’m sure I should’ve waited.

I feel lost most days, and I have no idea how to find myself again.

In the bedroom, I take off my black bodycon dress and put on a white hoodie and black sweatpants. Collecting my hair into a bun, I check my reflection in the mirror and purse my lips tighter. I look so gloomy, I want to cry.

I swear I’d do anything to change this terrible mood I’ve been in.

Closing my eyes, I count to ten in my head and then focus my attention on myself in the mirror again. “You’re going to be fine. It’s just a phase, and it’ll get better soon. Everything’s going to be alright,” I tell myself with conviction, hoping that if I say it enough I’ll actually believe it.

I take a step back, ready to head out when I remember that I wanted to try out a new leash I bought for Happy. Openingone drawer after another, I start to frown. I’m sure I put it here yesterday, but now it’s nowhere to be seen.

I’m rummaging through Travis’s sock drawer when my fingers brush something solid. My eyebrows knit together, and I grab a little box and take it out. The second I realize what I’m looking at, it falls from my trembling fingers.

No. No, no, no.He can’t be thinking about proposing, right? We’re not fucking ready.

My heart beats violently, and my breathing becomes ragged. I press my palm to my forehead, my eyes moving around the room. My body buzzes in a familiar way; a cold sweat breaks out all over my skin. Memories from my past come crashing down like waves during a storm, burying me under all the hurt and fear I felt when the truth about my ex, Kyle Edwards, was revealed. Heaviness makes my chest ache, and my vision becomes blurry. My mouth fills with saltiness, and I unclench my teeth, releasing my bottom lip.

With shaking hands, I take the box from the drawer again. What if I’m overreacting?Please, I want to be wrong.Slowly, I open the box and stare at a beautiful diamond ring. It’s simple, with a brilliant stone floating over a platinum band. This ring is something any girl would be happy to get, but not me. Tears run down my face, and a sob lodges in my throat.

I close the box and put it back where I found it. Wiping away my tears with my palms, I rush to the bathroom and kneel in front of the toilet. I don’t stop throwing up until my lungs start to hurt. Then, unable to move, I sag onto my ass. Something warm presses up against my hand on the floor and I squint, seeing Happy next to me. I scoop the dog into my arms and press him to my chest as silent cries rack my body.

I should’ve never agreed to be in a relationship with Travis. My parents’ divorce, my mom disowning me because I took Dad’s side, Kyle’s crimes—those things affected me way morethan I was willing to admit. All those years back, I recognized the broken pieces of Angie’s soul behind her eyes, and it was exactly what drew us together. Two lost souls who found peace in each other’s company. She grounded me, giving me solace and fueling my body with confidence and self-esteem. I wanted to be better. With her finding her perfect match in Drake, I was frantically looking for someone to take her place…for someone who would help me build my life. Travis just happened to be there, and I fucking hate myself for leading him on.

Putting Happy back on the floor, I slowly stand up and drag my feet to the bedroom. My movements are slow and robotic; I’m not even thinking anymore. All I want is to get out of this apartment and out of Travis’s life. He deserves someone who will appreciate and love him, not someone who throws up at the sight of an engagement ring.

The front dooropens and closes, and I’m still sitting on the couch with Happy’s head on my lap. After I packed my belongings, brought the boxes to my car, and took the dog for a walk, I returned to the living room and just sat, waiting for Travis to come home.

“Nev?” Travis calls out, confusion lacing his voice. His steps get louder, and a moment later he walks into the living room. “Why is your suitcase by the door?”

I hold his gaze, chewing on my bottom lip. Taking a deep breath, I say, “We need to break up.”

A loud, vibrating laugh bolts from his lips, and he runs his fingers through his blond hair. “Are you kidding me? Did I miss something?”

---