Page 37 of Just Try, Again and Again

And knowing that I have to let her go for now, because Haruki doesn’t deserve this version of me, and this is what’s best for everybody, I break my own heart. “I’ll love you forever, Haruki. It’s just not our time yet.” I pause, debating whether I should continue speaking or not.Do it, Bryce.“I’d understand if you would like to get a divorce, Haruki.”

She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. Her eyes are showing me sadness. “I almost forgot about that. A breakup isn’t a breakup with us, is it?”

“I’m sorry I convinced you to do it.” On this beach, once upon a time, lonely boy met lonely girl. And now, happy, well-adjusted girl is stuck with messed up boy. I have made a mess of my life.But maybe it has always been a mess and I just drag people along with me for the ride.

“Bryce…you didn’t convince me to do anything I didn’t want to. I wouldn’t trade our adventures for anything. Just take control of your life first, okay? I promise I’ll ask you for a divorce if the time comes for me to marry again.” She says it in a joking tone, and I know she’s trying to lighten the mood, but fuck, does it sting like a wound being doused in alcohol.

“I’m already jealous of the schmuck.”

Haruki looks at her watch and gives me an apologetic look. “I have to go to work. My dad wants me to take pictures of a new listing.”

“Alright, I’ll let you go.”What am I letting her go from? This call? Us? Me?“But, Haruki?”

“Yeah?”

“During our break, did you have a great time growing and discovering yourself? Making friends? Spending time with your family?”

“I did, but I missed you.”

“Try to miss me a little less this time?”

32

Haruki 22 years old

Christmas

Bryce

Hi, Haruki :) Merry Christmas

How are you?

We are doing great over here. The last time we spoke, I just arrived in Berlin to visit my old professor and to thank him for everything that he has done for me over the years. I managed to get Lily to fly out to Berlin two weeks after I did as well. She was out of the first trimester and I thought she could use the distraction.

Guess what? We ended up staying here! I almost missed the application deadline, but Lily and I met up with my professor over dinner and he convinced us to pursue our education here in Germany. I’m now doing the master’s program that he told me about all those years ago and Lily is enrolled in a German course until she’s ready to apply for her program next year.

After talking to Prof. Schulz, Lily wants to study marketing instead.

Speaking of Lily, she gave birth to her daughter a week ago! I am now the proud uncle of Birdie Anne Lee. I’ll send you a picture of Birdie in a sec :)

Happy Christmas to you, too, Bryce!

And omg! Congrats to you and Lily. I am so proud of you both.

I’m doing really good here. Like always, we stuffed ourselves with Christmas KFC.

Also, my dad, my brother, and I are thinking of going to the US again next year. My cousin is getting married in Oxnard and invited us to the wedding.

I closemy phone and chuck it in my bag, not wanting my heart to hurt any further. The end of the year is supposed to be festive, not filled with melancholy. However, no matter how much I ache for him, I’m also happy for him. His life got turned upside down, but he seems to be turning it back around. Slowly, but surely. Bryce did end up buying a one-way plane ticket to get out of America,just not to be with me.

It’s a strange feeling to know that for the first time in years, I don’t know which direction we will go. I’ve been trying to give Bryce the space to figure out how to handle this new chapter in his life, giving him room to breathe and space to be with Lily. I know he can’t be what she needs, stuck to his phone talking to me. I’ve thought about following them to Berlin after my bachelor’s program is finished, but I saw a glimpse of Lily once during a video chat with Bryce and it was enough for me to know that he has his hands full. That girl is a wreck, and me being there would not help. She barely talks to him as it is. From what Bryce told me last time, she barely talks at all. She has also disappeared from social media. But I know him; he’ll get her to where she needs to be. From my corner of the world, I can only hope that it happens sooner rather than later.

My bag vibrates as I walk inside the subway train. Once I find a place to sit, I pull out my phone, thinking that Bryce has finally replied to me. What I find instead is something that I never expected to receive as a Christmas present. A silver lining.

From: [email protected]

Subject: Eligibility for Scholarship

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