Page 35 of Just Try, Again and Again

“Haruki.” My dad’s voice draws me into the living room. “Where have you been?”

“I was just with a few of my university friends, having dinner.”

I put my camera bag on the coffee table and plop myself on the sofa next to him. Another upside to our break—I get to spend more time with my dad.

“Do you want tea?” He’s offering, but he’s already pouring the tea from the pot into the small cup next to it as he speaks.

“Thanks, Dad,” I say, taking a small sip of the brown liquid. “How was the showing today?”

“It was good. We have three potential buyers who are very interested. Now we just have to wait for the highest bidder.”

My dad fidgets in his seat, stealing glances at me as I drink. I can tell he’s trying to muster up the courage to talk to me about something. Blowing the surface of my tea slowly, I wait for him to speak up.

“Haruki.” He clears his throat. “Are you going to be flying to the US again this year?”

“No,” I admit.

“Is that why you’ve been working less hours at the office?”

I nod. It’s no surprise that he realizes this. Usually, I try to cram in as many working hours as possible, especially right around this time, so I can afford my flights. Either that, or Bryce comes to visit me here.

“Did you break up with your boyfriend?”There it is again. The fidgeting. We don’t have that kind of father-daughter relationship yet where he’d ask about my dating life, but I appreciate his effort at this moment.

“We’re on a break right now,” I say, my voice barely a whisper. I straighten my back to summon the confidence tocome to me. “We decided to give each other some space and continue again seriously once Bryce is done with his studies.”

“Ah, I see,” he says as he clasps his hands between his thighs. “Do you know the Red String Theory? If he is the one, everything will work out, Haruki.”

A small, but genuine smile curves on my face.He is the one. Bryce and I just need a little bit of time for ourselves and to grow. I am sure of it. In this lifetime. The next one. Maybe all of the grief I had to endure after my mother died, the way my relationship with my dad faltered, my rebellious phase, my botched attempt at running away…all of it needed to happen so I could meet Bryce.We’re just going through a rough patch right now.

My dad bobs his knees up and down. “And after he’s done with his studies. What are you both planning on doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will you both get engaged? Will one of you move to be with the other? I can’t imagine you kids would like to be in a long-distance relationship forever.”

I swallow the lump in my throat as guilt fills me up.Engaged.I know what he’s expecting. This is his indirect way of telling me what he wishes will happen in the next stage. He wants Bryce to ask my father’s permission to be with me just like Kenji did to his now-wife’s parents. He wants Arthur and Bryce to fly to Japan and ask for my hand in marriage. When I bite my bottom lip, he turns his head toward me and says the sentence that I’ve been dreading the most because I know Bryce is not keen on it. “I really hope, whatever it is you decide, you will stay in Japan.”

“Dad, I have to te?—”

“I just got you back, Haruki,” he says with hopeful eyes. “At least think about it. Your mother moved here for me, and she loved it. Maybe your boyfriend will, too.”

I swallow whatever it is I was going to confess to him and give him a smile-nod response. “I will, I promise.”

31

Bryce - 22 years old

A few weeks after spring break

The beach is empty, just like it always is at this time. No people taking selfies, no local teenagers drunk on rum and Coke that they put in a water bottle, no toddling children building sandcastles. Only me and the sound of the waves, just the way I like it. Tonight doesn’t have the same effect on me as it used to. Although this is the only place I’d ever be caught dead with tears flowing from my eyes, and trust me, they’re coming out alright, my head is still not clear. I know the antidote, so I pull my phone out and make the FaceTime call I’ve been dreading for weeks to make.

“Haruki,” I manage to say. Her hair is half purple now, and despite everything I’m feeling inside, I can’t help but smile. She looks so adorable on the screen. Adorably stunned and confused at the sight of me crying with a pitch-black background, only the moon giving her a glimpse of what I look like.

Thank God for that, because I know I look like shit.

“Why…what’s wrong, Bryce?” I can’t help myself. The sobs start clawing their way out of me and the only thing I can do is press my eyes with my fingers so I can stop looking like a fucking idiot. “Wait, I’m in the garden right now. Let me just quickly go upstairs to my room,” she says before jogging inside her house and up the stairs.

When I hear her close her door, I muster up the courage to tell her the truth. “I fucked up, Haruki.”

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