Page 33 of Just Try, Again and Again

Nick is about to say something, but the front door swings open, surprising us both. Instead of Lily and her daughter walking inside, it’s a tall man with blond hair wearing a suit and tie. His blue eyes go directly to me, his wife. The wife he hasn’t seen in five years.

“Haruki,” he says in a rehearsed, nonchalant tone. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

I’ll love you forever, Haruki. It’s just not our time yet.His twenty-two-year-old face on my screen clear as day. The memory is quickly followed by Lorenzo’s banged-up face and I swallow the bile that’s rising up my throat.

Lily must have warned him about me being here. I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want him ambushed by me, either, if I was her. His eyes go directly to the other person in the room and immediately soften. “Nick, you’re confused, I take it. Don’t be mad at Lily. I’ve sworn her to secrecy. Besides, we’ve been separated for a very long time.”

“Clearly, she can hold on to a secret better than you, Bryce.” Nick lifts his hands in the air and starts putting his laptop and charger in his bag. I have no idea what they are talking about. “But I’m not mad at her, don’t worry. Whatever this is seems…fucking complicated. Plus, I owe you one. So, I’m gonna bounce and leave you two to sort out whatever shit you gotta sort out. Tell Lily to call me once Birdie is asleep.”

Nick slings one of his backpack straps over his shoulder and walks to the door Bryce just came in through. “It was nice meeting you,” he says with a salute. “Ganbatte(Good luck).” And with that, our only buffer walks out of the apartment, leaving me and my estranged husband alone.

The door to Lily’s apartment closes and Bryce’s mouth immediately opens.

“So, who’s the lucky guy?”

29

Bryce - 21 years old

Summer Break before Senior year of college for Bryce, Junior year of college for Haruki

Igroan, feeling the throbbing pain inside my head and the dryness of my throat. It’s been a while since I’ve partied this hard. The last time I was this hungover was probably in high school. Funnily enough, it’s felt exactly like I’m back in high school ever since I came back from Germany. I’ve been sleeping in my old bedroom and having too much fun with my old football teammates who are back from college for the summer.

Another groan comes out of me as I grimace in pain the moment I hear a knock on my door.I’m not ready to meet another human being right now.

“Bryce!” my witch of a stepmother yells, accompanied by more knocks. “You have to wake up. The Johnsons have arrived!” When I don’t answer, her voice sounds more irritated by the second. “They’re an old family friend of ours and just came back from Japan. I want us to show a united front. Showthem that we’re a happy family.” Although she can’t see me, I still roll my eyes for good measure.Ugh, united front. Are we in the army?

The mention of Japan causes a sinking feeling in my stomach. Ever since May, I’ve been trying to avoid everything that reminds me of Haruki. I can’t. Everything reminds me of her.

I miss her every day, but from what I see on social media, I’m happy that she seems to be enjoying her life more. I guess those flight tickets that she had to buy to visit me do add up. No wonder she was always working overtime.

Just as I am about to hop in the shower, I hear the sound of my bedroom door being opened. “Look, Astrid—” Lily walks in instead, her eyes judging how I look. I have no doubt I look like absolute crap. “Oh, hey, Lil. What’s up?”

“I hate to side with my mom on this one, Bryce, but you really should have brunch with us. When have you eaten something that didn’t come out of a takeout box since you came back?” When I don’t answer, she swipes a loose strand of hair away from her face and crosses her arms over her chest. “Scratch that, when have you consumed something not in the form of drugs and booze in the last week? Seriously, I’m worried about you. Heartbreak doesn’t look good on you.”

I roll my eyes, but deep down, I know Lily is right. If a seventeen-year-old feels the need to school me on how to deal with relationship woes, I probably have an even bigger problem than I thought. “I’m fine, Lil. It’s already been a month since she said we should focus on ourselves.”One month, one week, and two days, to be exact. If my brain wasn’t fried right now, I could also pinpoint the time down to the hour.

“Well, it doesn’t look like you’re focusing on yourself.” And she’s not wrong. “What happened, anyway? And please, don’t give me the bullshit version you told my mom and your dad.What does ‘conflicting schedules’even mean?” She uses her fingers to create air quotes. “I bet it was because of what Mom said, wasn’t it? If you want, I’ll talk to Haruki for you.”

I can see guilt all over her face. After blowing out a long breath, I calm my stepsister down. “No, Lil. Don’t worry about it, alright? We just need a little breather.”

Lily doesn’t know that I’m married and neither do our parents, for that matter. They don’t know the extent of my feelings for Haruki. So, I told them we broke up because our schedules were getting too complex to match up, which is partly true. And also ironic, considering the fact that shortly before the break, we fought about her visiting me in Berlin during my internship. The whole fucking thing got cancelled last minute because the founder, Jakob Ackermann, wasn’t ready to launch the product yet. I spent a total of one week in Berlin before flying back home.

“So who are the Johnsons, anyway?” I ask Lily, trying to change the topic.

“We used to be really close with them. My dad used to be best friends with Jeremy Johnson, and um…I used to date the son, Nick.”

I cocked an eyebrow at her statement. “Date? When was this?”

She looks really nervous. This is new.“Well, since I was five? Or maybe since I was twelve? Depending on what you count as the beginning of a relationship.”

For the first time in weeks, a genuine laugh cracks out of me.So this is her golden boy.

I parkmy car in front of Cameron’s house. I really did try to play the good stepson role before with the Johnsons, but I can’t be around people right now. I’m too irritable. Too grumpy. Too angry.I’m missing Haruki too much.

Not ready to get out of the car just yet, I go through my emails, missed calls, social media accounts, and messages to see if she has caved in yet. Nothing. Aside from the booking confirmation I got for our trip to Jamaica next spring break, there is nothing on my phone that has a Haruki tag on it.Fuck, what am I going to do about those?

Next year will be one of those magical years where our spring breaks overlap by several days. She was planning on visiting me in Radinger, and I wanted to surprise her with a vacation somewhere else.Will she even still come? Will our break be over by then? Or will we be over instead?

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