Page 1 of Just Try, Again and Again

PROLOGUE

Haruki - 31 years old

Simmons.There it is.I stand in front of the door, preparing myself for the conversation I have practiced for some time now. Two years, to be exact. A part of me wishes he’s not home so I don’t have to face him. A part of me was disappointed when a man came out of the main entrance and held the door open for me, leaving me no excuse but to enter the building and search for the doorbell that has his name on it.

I hear a ring from the other side before the door opens and a barefoot woman appears.A gorgeous one. A stylish one. She flashes me an uncertain smile when I hear a child yelling from behind her, speaking English with an American accent, asking her where her Nintendo Switch is.

“Sorry,” I blurt out. “I must have the wrong address.”

I know for a fact that is his apartment, but I’m not about to tell her that. Lorenzo was right, this is a mistake. I should have just sent someone over to take care of it. Or I could have just gone to his workplace; at least it would have been in public.Whydid I want to do this by myself anyway? What was I trying to prove?

“Are you looking for Bryce?” she asks.

Before I can say anything, the girl from behind the door yells a second time. “Mom, I can’t find it!”Mom.

She tells me to wait for a second and goes back inside, leaving the door slightly open. While waiting for her, I tilt my head up, not wanting tears to stream down my face. I don’t know why this stings when it shouldn’t. The woman comes back about three minutes later and opens the door wider, gripping the side with her hand.

“Sorry about that, my daughter needed something. So, are you here for Bryce?”

“Like I said, I must have the wrong address. Apologies.”

I leave her there and make my way as quickly as possible down the hall. This is too much; I’ll just let my lawyer handle it. He can contact Bryce himself and get the paperwork started. I’m about to reach the staircase when the woman calls out to me.

“Haruki,” she says, causing me to stand still.She knows my name. She knows who I am.I hear her footsteps coming toward me, the sound getting louder the closer she gets. “I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you before. I’ve only ever known you with green ombré hair and cat eyes.”

Curiosity gets the best of me and I turn around to see her smiling, showing her perfectly white teeth.I know that smile. Where do I know it from?

“Oh my gosh, Lily?” I open my arms to give her a big hug and she returns it with the same amount of longing. “You also look so different! I didn’t know it was you!”

For a moment we just stand there in the hallway, grinning from ear to ear before Lily starts speaking again. “Bryce is still at work, but he’ll be home soon. Stay with us until then. I want you to meet my daughter and my boyfriend.”

The last time I met her, she was fifteen and had braces. Without even knowing the adult Lily, I already sense that she’s an amazing mom. Women like her usually end up doing everything in their power not to become their own mothers.

“I really don’t want to disturb you guys,” I tell her. “Plus, it’s a little weird if he comes home to find me in his apartment, don’t you think?”

Lily shoots me a sympathetic smile. She knows our history. She knows why it would be weird, but she probably also knows that if I am here in the flesh, it must be because of something important.

“Stay in my apartment in the meantime, then. I live next door.”

I try to hide my surprise that Lily also lives here and follow her to the apartment directly next to Bryce’s.Why are you surprised? You don’t know anything about their lives anymore. She unlocks the door and walks me straight to her couch, gesturing for me to take a seat and make myself comfortable.

A man who must be her boyfriend comes out from the kitchen, holding a laptop in one hand and its charger in the other, looking confused when he sees me. He puts both things down on top of a sideboard behind the sofa and makes his way to us.

“Haruki, this is Nick,” Lily says in a chirpy voice. “He’s the guy I told you about years ago. The one who moved to Japan.”

Nick offers me his hand, chuckling at the comment that Lily just made. “Nice to meet you, Haruki. I’m the guy she told you about years ago. The one who moved to Japan.”

“Sorry to pop by unannounced and disturb you in your own home, Nick.”

He flashes me a lopsided smile. A really sweet one.I like him for Lily. “I don’t live here,” he says in a casual tone. “I’m just here for the internet. Plus, I only moved here three months ago.Lily here said we need to wait four seasons before we can start living in sin.” He rolls his eyes and gives her a kiss on the cheek, looking like a love-struck puppy, and then shifts his attention back to me, expecting me to introduce myself. Luckily, Lily does it for me, sparing me the embarrassment.

“Nick, this is Haruki,” she says carefully. “Bryce’s wife.”

Nick’s eyes widen to the size of golf balls at the mention of the word wife.

“Babe, what do you mean ‘wife’?” he asks Lily with his eyebrows scrunched. Before Lily can answer, he turns to me and asks, “How is it that I didn’t know Bryce has a wife?”

I decide to save Lily the trouble of explaining this one and answer it myself. It is my mess, after all, not hers. “Well, Nick, first of all, you probably didn’t know because we got married when you had already moved to Japan. Second of all, ‘wife’ is a very loose term here.” The small giggle I let out after speaking in the hope of relieving some of the awkwardness doesn’t seem to help.

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