Page 5 of Having the Time of My Midlife

“How in the fuck is that helping?” Candy demanded, tossing her toothpicks in the air, then waving her hands and arming herself like she was ready to go into battle.

“I don’t know,” Tim said frantically. “My go-to instinct in times of danger is reciting facts. And speaking of… did you know that thousands of Americans have taken out insurance against aliens?”

Heather rolled her eyes, her multitude of tattoos doing a war dance along her skin as she prepared for the incoming fight. “Not helping. Everyone, get in a line. If we have to, we’ll destroy it. However, we need to figure out if they come in peace before we blow them up.”

No, no, no,I thought.Not on my freaking wedding day!I’d be damned if some extraterrestrial from outer space was going to ruin my special day.

“Excellent thinking,” Charlie said as his eyes went icy blue and his badass showed. “Rafe, Prue and Abby, get June, Amelia, Missy, Jennifer and Alana Catherine into the house. Gideon, drop a ward around it once they’re inside.”

Things were getting serious.Shit, shit, shit.

“On it,” Gideon said, ushering the humans and our child to safety.

The lights were still zig-zagging toward us, getting bigger by the second. “Ghosts,” I shouted, my hands sparking like they were about to detonate. “I want you to hide. We don’t know the intentions of the umm… aliens… or, whatever they are. Until we do, disappear. NOW.”

In a gust of wind, the dead vanished from sight. I shook my head. Was I ever going to get a day of freaking peace? It certainly didn’t seem like it.

“Ward has been dropped,” Gideon said as he joined the line of defense.

I glanced over at him. “This is either going to turn out to be a great story or a shitshow. Thoughts?”

“I’m going with great story until further notice,” he replied, watching the incoming lights warily. “However, if it becomes a shitshow, I’m ready.”

I nodded and adjusted my expectations. “Me too.”

And then something amazing happened.

Something unbelievable.

Something I didn’t think was possible.

However, nothing was impossible… one just had to believe.

I squinted as the dots of light grew closer. From a distance, they had looked like balls of fire. At closer inspection… they didn’t look like balls at all.

They were shaped like bodies. A surge of joy jolted through me when I recognized our incoming aliens as the ghostly bodies of three old women wearing conservative Chanel suits and sensible pumps.

“Well, I have fuckin’ never,” Candy Vargo shouted, tossing her sword to the ground and running toward the incomingaliens.

Tim joined her waving like a madman as the gals came in for a crash landing.

“Am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?” Heather asked with a laugh. Her magical tattoos were no longer dancing menacingly over her skin. Instead, they were waltzing blissfully up and down her arms.

“Umm… yes,” I said, already crying. “Gideon, drop the ward. Tell everyone to come back out. We have some late guests.”

Lura Belle, Jolly Sue and Dimple were definitely dead, but they looked pretty darn good for getting torn apart and sucked into a vortex of deadly Purgatory magic.

“Hello, all you fly-bitten moldwarps,” Lura Belle said with a silly smile on her normally pursed cat-butt lips. “What did we miss while we were indisposed?”

“A fuckin’ wedding,” Candy said.

“Unacceptable,” Jolly Sue grumbled. “We’ve only been gone a few days, and you boil-brained, goatish canker-blossoms had a wedding without us?”

“Oh my,” Dimple fretted. “It’s a very haggard, fat-kidneyed hugger-mugger thing to not include us!”

I agreed. I walked over to the Nephilim and hugged each one of them. Parts of their bodies went right through mine. Still, I was able to feel them, and they could feel me. “Welcome back. Can you stay a while?”

“I have no clue,” Dimple admitted. “However, we’re here now. I insist the wedding be redone. It’s rude not to.”

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